Purdue President’s Op-Ed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

One person? The president and former governor of the state, writing in the Washington Post? No one is in a better position to speak for the school?
Just sit back and enjoy.

I am very familiar with who Mitch Daniels is, probably more so than most people on here. I agree the article is tone deaf and unfairly singled out moms. The timing is atrocious. There are much better ways to make the point that parents of college students need to let go. But he’s right in that point. You know he is. That’s why you’re ignoring the message and making sweeping generalizations about the import of this on the university.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why oh why would the Post run such a sexist, mean, pointless "op-ed." He better do one for Father's Day. For instance, when high schools create activities and require parents to bring food, decorations, etc. and of the 10 families on the team, 7 women sign up, make food, buy ballons, etc. and not a single man, why isn't this a problem? Maybe if fathers did a tenth of the parenting that mothers do, we wouldn't all be batshit crazy by the time they get to college. If you are a woman and a mother, this horrid piece of "writing" should do nothing but infuriate you.

Actually the opposite. I am a mom and I have a senior soon to head to college and I am proud of myself for not being one of these kind of mothers (and proud of my husband for not being one of those kind of fathers). We make are share of mistakes raising our kids but we do not suffocate them.

PP you sound so angry and I feel badly as many years ago when I battled depression I knew that feeling. It is tough to live life so angry.

All the more reason this article should anger you. If you did such an amazing job raising independent children (which I believe I did, with a successful college student at Georgetown on whose behalf I can promise you I have never intervened),why do you, as a mother, want to be lumped in with a small minority of troubled women in the way this man did. Sure, he made his little disclaimers, but the tone overall was anti-mother and anti-woman, with literally not one suggestion about how to fix our issues in society that have led to this behavior. He does, however, have a history of expounding on Purdue's success at maintaining a male majority in the student body. I do not have depression whatsover. I take issue with the continued male dominance in society, which women like you have no problem condoning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

I actually agree with the idea that professors should not have to interact with student parents and yet still won’t send a smart girl to Purdue under this president. The casual sexism in the editorial is it’s own issue and for me a bigger one than what the author meant to talk about. He betrayed a lot by this article.

It’s Indiana. And he’s a former Republican governor who was pretty popular. Were you really going to send your smart DD to go there anyway?

Or better yet. Why not let her make the decision. It’s not about you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

You obviously didn't read the op-ed. While I am no fan of the former Indiana governor, I have been a professor for 20 years, and I empathize with the sentiment expressed in the op-ed. 90% of the parental involvement, nay, intrusion, with regard to college student experience comes from mothers. I'm sure this is due to a number of sociological and cultural factors, but yes, moms need to back off.

I'm a professor too--have taught at 3 very different kinds of institutions over 2 decades. Be honest what percentage of parental involvement have you experienced directly? Total up your students. Give a percentage of how many you have taught that you have had ANY contact with their parents outside of graduation, let alone egregious involvement. Your 90% figure is meaningless a commentary on moms, if it's anywhere like mine, less than 1% of my students.

Right on professor! That first "professor" clearly isn't one at my child's prestigious university, because they lack any ability for critical thinking. Obviously another woman-hating man.

Critical thinking goes both ways. I'd be wary of arguing with "only a few." If a college had only a handful of transgender students, and the president wrote an op-ed about policies enacted to protect those students, would you also say that only 1% is meaningless?

Your point makes no sense. The issue is the making a commentary about "moms" and then describing the behavior of a few "moms" he finds problematic when the reality is that anyone who works in higher ed knows this represents a tiny percentage of students' mothers. This isn't like protecting the interests of a small minority like transgender students.

I have a similar less than 1% of students who complain about their grades, give excuses I find laughable, make unreasonable demands like me recounting all we covered in a class that they missed. Does that mean I should write commentaries on how my students as a whole need to be less annoying and entitled? Should I comment that it tends to be the white men who do this more and therefore extend that to my critique of white male students writ large? No, it means like all social situations there are going to be a few people whose behavior I find problematic and I complain about their individual behaviors and not extend it to the group to which I think they belong.

Um, professors, I don’t think any of you understood the first professor’s post. They said 90% of parental involvement comes from mothers. Not that 90% of their students’ mothers get involved. It could be 90% of your 1% for that professor.

That was exactly my point. The prior professor agreed with the op-ed that "moms need to back off" because 90% of their experience of parental involvement was moms. But never clarified what the overall percentage of parental involvement was. If it's less than 1% of parents involved at all, it is bad reasoning to think that they have anything meaningful to comment on "moms" as a broad category.

I'm the first professor. There are a lot of things that involve just a tiny, tiny percentage of students, but take up a disproportionate amount of mental energy--like moms emailing professors about their child's low grade. The vast majority of my students' parents are hands off, but I have had a handful of nightmare scenarios with parents, in my case 100% moms, who were massive drains on my time and energy. On a couple of occasions, their complaints would escalate up to chairs, then deans, and on up. If you're an assistant professor or an adjunct, these sorts of complaints cause a tremendous amount stress because you are afraid of losing your job over it.
As I said, I'm not a fan of the Purdue president, but I don't know of a single long-time professor who hasn't had an experience with a disgruntled parent.
Yes, the president does sound old and out-of-touch with his mother's day rhetoric, but the point of helicopter moms is not completely off base.

Sure, out of my decades as a professor I've had a couple encounters with disgruntled parents (as well as students, administrators, colleagues) who absorb far more energy than they should. This is the case in any workplace--the disgruntled few absorb far more energy than the vast majority. But as a tiny percentage, they represent themselves not some larger category--I can't make judgments on moms, dads, race, gender etc. based on what a few people do. Surely you grasp this if you are a professor.

I don't think that the Purdue president is trying to disparage all mothers. He begins with an overly fawning and romanticized description of mothers, but then goes into the few that end up being the focus of the op-ed. I would personally be in favor of a policy that told professors to immediately disregard all parental contact. But, of course, no university will do that for fear of eliminating donations.

DP. Which was, of course, deeply sexist.

I’d be fine with a policy like you suggest and yet based on this, I’d never send a child to Purdue because of the remarkably blatant sexism on display from the head of the whole school. I’d be worried about her safety. If she was groped by a professor during office hours (happened to my college roommate so this is something I lived up close), I don’t see how an administration led by someone as comfortable with casual sexism as this president is would be trustworthy.

Look, the article is tone deaf, even if it makes a valid point about helicopter moms. However, I wouldn't give up on an entire university based on this op-ed. If your daughter were sexually harassed by a prof, there's a significant chance that the president wouldn't even hear about it. Most professors, even at a place like Purude, are politically liberal, don't condone sexual harassment of any kind, and will stand up for students who are wronged by faculty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

One person? The president and former governor of the state, writing in the Washington Post? No one is in a better position to speak for the school?
Just sit back and enjoy.

I am very familiar with who Mitch Daniels is, probably more so than most people on here. I agree the article is tone deaf and unfairly singled out moms. The timing is atrocious. There are much better ways to make the point that parents of college students need to let go. But he’s right in that point. You know he is. That’s why you’re ignoring the message and making sweeping generalizations about the import of this on the university.

No, we're not ignoring the message. It's a hackneyed one. Most people know college is about letting kids go, and most people know that parents at times struggle with it (it's nothing new). So it IS that he writes in a tone-deaf, sexist way and makes unreasonable generalizations from extreme cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

One person? The president and former governor of the state, writing in the Washington Post? No one is in a better position to speak for the school?
Just sit back and enjoy.

I am very familiar with who Mitch Daniels is, probably more so than most people on here. I agree the article is tone deaf and unfairly singled out moms. The timing is atrocious. There are much better ways to make the point that parents of college students need to let go. But he’s right in that point. You know he is. That’s why you’re ignoring the message and making sweeping generalizations about the import of this on the university.

+1

DP. I agree with his message regarding the independence that college students need but that is far outweighed by the appalling sexism in his writing. The most important message of this editorial is that the president of Purdue is comfortable with egregious sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely will discourage DD from applying there because of this op-ed.
I'm convinced if confronted with a complaint of inappropriate sexual activity (assault, rape, etc) made by a female student, "lay back and enjoy" or "make lemonade from lemons" would be in his sweep-this-under-the-rug rationale.

Please do! My junior has the school on his list as it is tops for engineering and with every student not applying his future ed app looks stronger

Oh good, another misogynist raised by mother with internalized misogyny graduating from Purdue. Make sure he's a registered Republican to really increase his chances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

You obviously didn't read the op-ed. While I am no fan of the former Indiana governor, I have been a professor for 20 years, and I empathize with the sentiment expressed in the op-ed. 90% of the parental involvement, nay, intrusion, with regard to college student experience comes from mothers. I'm sure this is due to a number of sociological and cultural factors, but yes, moms need to back off.

I'm a professor too--have taught at 3 very different kinds of institutions over 2 decades. Be honest what percentage of parental involvement have you experienced directly? Total up your students. Give a percentage of how many you have taught that you have had ANY contact with their parents outside of graduation, let alone egregious involvement. Your 90% figure is meaningless a commentary on moms, if it's anywhere like mine, less than 1% of my students.

Right on professor! That first "professor" clearly isn't one at my child's prestigious university, because they lack any ability for critical thinking. Obviously another woman-hating man.

Critical thinking goes both ways. I'd be wary of arguing with "only a few." If a college had only a handful of transgender students, and the president wrote an op-ed about policies enacted to protect those students, would you also say that only 1% is meaningless?

Your point makes no sense. The issue is the making a commentary about "moms" and then describing the behavior of a few "moms" he finds problematic when the reality is that anyone who works in higher ed knows this represents a tiny percentage of students' mothers. This isn't like protecting the interests of a small minority like transgender students.

I have a similar less than 1% of students who complain about their grades, give excuses I find laughable, make unreasonable demands like me recounting all we covered in a class that they missed. Does that mean I should write commentaries on how my students as a whole need to be less annoying and entitled? Should I comment that it tends to be the white men who do this more and therefore extend that to my critique of white male students writ large? No, it means like all social situations there are going to be a few people whose behavior I find problematic and I complain about their individual behaviors and not extend it to the group to which I think they belong.

Um, professors, I don’t think any of you understood the first professor’s post. They said 90% of parental involvement comes from mothers. Not that 90% of their students’ mothers get involved. It could be 90% of your 1% for that professor.

That was exactly my point. The prior professor agreed with the op-ed that "moms need to back off" because 90% of their experience of parental involvement was moms. But never clarified what the overall percentage of parental involvement was. If it's less than 1% of parents involved at all, it is bad reasoning to think that they have anything meaningful to comment on "moms" as a broad category.

I'm the first professor. There are a lot of things that involve just a tiny, tiny percentage of students, but take up a disproportionate amount of mental energy--like moms emailing professors about their child's low grade. The vast majority of my students' parents are hands off, but I have had a handful of nightmare scenarios with parents, in my case 100% moms, who were massive drains on my time and energy. On a couple of occasions, their complaints would escalate up to chairs, then deans, and on up. If you're an assistant professor or an adjunct, these sorts of complaints cause a tremendous amount stress because you are afraid of losing your job over it.
As I said, I'm not a fan of the Purdue president, but I don't know of a single long-time professor who hasn't had an experience with a disgruntled parent.
Yes, the president does sound old and out-of-touch with his mother's day rhetoric, but the point of helicopter moms is not completely off base.

Sure, out of my decades as a professor I've had a couple encounters with disgruntled parents (as well as students, administrators, colleagues) who absorb far more energy than they should. This is the case in any workplace--the disgruntled few absorb far more energy than the vast majority. But as a tiny percentage, they represent themselves not some larger category--I can't make judgments on moms, dads, race, gender etc. based on what a few people do. Surely you grasp this if you are a professor.

I don't think that the Purdue president is trying to disparage all mothers. He begins with an overly fawning and romanticized description of mothers, but then goes into the few that end up being the focus of the op-ed. I would personally be in favor of a policy that told professors to immediately disregard all parental contact. But, of course, no university will do that for fear of eliminating donations.

DP. Which was, of course, deeply sexist.

I’d be fine with a policy like you suggest and yet based on this, I’d never send a child to Purdue because of the remarkably blatant sexism on display from the head of the whole school. I’d be worried about her safety. If she was groped by a professor during office hours (happened to my college roommate so this is something I lived up close), I don’t see how an administration led by someone as comfortable with casual sexism as this president is would be trustworthy.

Look, the article is tone deaf, even if it makes a valid point about helicopter moms. However, I wouldn't give up on an entire university based on this op-ed. If your daughter were sexually harassed by a prof, there's a significant chance that the president wouldn't even hear about it. Most professors, even at a place like Purude, are politically liberal, don't condone sexual harassment of any kind, and will stand up for students who are wronged by faculty.

Sorry, no. Culture and values are maintained and cultivated from the top. Someone who wrote what this guy did will not back professors who are standing up for sexually harassed students. This editorial is a warning to the parents. Just not the one the author intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

I actually agree with the idea that professors should not have to interact with student parents and yet still won’t send a smart girl to Purdue under this president. The casual sexism in the editorial is it’s own issue and for me a bigger one than what the author meant to talk about. He betrayed a lot by this article.

oh yes, let's just send the dumb girls

Well, you'd have to be dumb to attend there as a girl at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

You obviously didn't read the op-ed. While I am no fan of the former Indiana governor, I have been a professor for 20 years, and I empathize with the sentiment expressed in the op-ed. 90% of the parental involvement, nay, intrusion, with regard to college student experience comes from mothers. I'm sure this is due to a number of sociological and cultural factors, but yes, moms need to back off.

I'm a professor too--have taught at 3 very different kinds of institutions over 2 decades. Be honest what percentage of parental involvement have you experienced directly? Total up your students. Give a percentage of how many you have taught that you have had ANY contact with their parents outside of graduation, let alone egregious involvement. Your 90% figure is meaningless a commentary on moms, if it's anywhere like mine, less than 1% of my students.

Right on professor! That first "professor" clearly isn't one at my child's prestigious university, because they lack any ability for critical thinking. Obviously another woman-hating man.

Critical thinking goes both ways. I'd be wary of arguing with "only a few." If a college had only a handful of transgender students, and the president wrote an op-ed about policies enacted to protect those students, would you also say that only 1% is meaningless?

Your point makes no sense. The issue is the making a commentary about "moms" and then describing the behavior of a few "moms" he finds problematic when the reality is that anyone who works in higher ed knows this represents a tiny percentage of students' mothers. This isn't like protecting the interests of a small minority like transgender students.

I have a similar less than 1% of students who complain about their grades, give excuses I find laughable, make unreasonable demands like me recounting all we covered in a class that they missed. Does that mean I should write commentaries on how my students as a whole need to be less annoying and entitled? Should I comment that it tends to be the white men who do this more and therefore extend that to my critique of white male students writ large? No, it means like all social situations there are going to be a few people whose behavior I find problematic and I complain about their individual behaviors and not extend it to the group to which I think they belong.

Um, professors, I don’t think any of you understood the first professor’s post. They said 90% of parental involvement comes from mothers. Not that 90% of their students’ mothers get involved. It could be 90% of your 1% for that professor.

That was exactly my point. The prior professor agreed with the op-ed that "moms need to back off" because 90% of their experience of parental involvement was moms. But never clarified what the overall percentage of parental involvement was. If it's less than 1% of parents involved at all, it is bad reasoning to think that they have anything meaningful to comment on "moms" as a broad category.

I'm the first professor. There are a lot of things that involve just a tiny, tiny percentage of students, but take up a disproportionate amount of mental energy--like moms emailing professors about their child's low grade. The vast majority of my students' parents are hands off, but I have had a handful of nightmare scenarios with parents, in my case 100% moms, who were massive drains on my time and energy. On a couple of occasions, their complaints would escalate up to chairs, then deans, and on up. If you're an assistant professor or an adjunct, these sorts of complaints cause a tremendous amount stress because you are afraid of losing your job over it.
As I said, I'm not a fan of the Purdue president, but I don't know of a single long-time professor who hasn't had an experience with a disgruntled parent.
Yes, the president does sound old and out-of-touch with his mother's day rhetoric, but the point of helicopter moms is not completely off base.

Sure, out of my decades as a professor I've had a couple encounters with disgruntled parents (as well as students, administrators, colleagues) who absorb far more energy than they should. This is the case in any workplace--the disgruntled few absorb far more energy than the vast majority. But as a tiny percentage, they represent themselves not some larger category--I can't make judgments on moms, dads, race, gender etc. based on what a few people do. Surely you grasp this if you are a professor.

I don't think that the Purdue president is trying to disparage all mothers. He begins with an overly fawning and romanticized description of mothers, but then goes into the few that end up being the focus of the op-ed. I would personally be in favor of a policy that told professors to immediately disregard all parental contact. But, of course, no university will do that for fear of eliminating donations.

DP. Which was, of course, deeply sexist.

I’d be fine with a policy like you suggest and yet based on this, I’d never send a child to Purdue because of the remarkably blatant sexism on display from the head of the whole school. I’d be worried about her safety. If she was groped by a professor during office hours (happened to my college roommate so this is something I lived up close), I don’t see how an administration led by someone as comfortable with casual sexism as this president is would be trustworthy.

Look, the article is tone deaf, even if it makes a valid point about helicopter moms. However, I wouldn't give up on an entire university based on this op-ed. If your daughter were sexually harassed by a prof, there's a significant chance that the president wouldn't even hear about it. Most professors, even at a place like Purude, are politically liberal, don't condone sexual harassment of any kind, and will stand up for students who are wronged by faculty.

It tells stories of a few crazed helicopter moms and says they are a problem. I hardly think that's a meaningful valid point--more like 'aren't these obviously ridiculous things ridiculous.' followed by casual sexism and generalizations.
And leadership at a university matters and it does shape how concerns are addressed and heard. Accusations of sexual harassment/assault are dealt with by administrators and hr, not fellow faculty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

One person? The president and former governor of the state, writing in the Washington Post? No one is in a better position to speak for the school?
Just sit back and enjoy.

I am very familiar with who Mitch Daniels is, probably more so than most people on here. I agree the article is tone deaf and unfairly singled out moms. The timing is atrocious. There are much better ways to make the point that parents of college students need to let go. But he’s right in that point. You know he is. That’s why you’re ignoring the message and making sweeping generalizations about the import of this on the university.

If he’s telling the truth, he’s cherry-picking his favorite outrageous stories over years and tens of thousands of parents and portraying it as “moms need to let go”. Let’s be honest, if you don’t see this, you’re ignorant or stupid. I’m going with both.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

One person? The president and former governor of the state, writing in the Washington Post? No one is in a better position to speak for the school?
Just sit back and enjoy.

I am very familiar with who Mitch Daniels is, probably more so than most people on here. I agree the article is tone deaf and unfairly singled out moms. The timing is atrocious. There are much better ways to make the point that parents of college students need to let go. But he’s right in that point. You know he is. That’s why you’re ignoring the message and making sweeping generalizations about the import of this on the university.

If he’s telling the truth, he’s cherry-picking his favorite outrageous stories over years and tens of thousands of parents and portraying it as “moms need to let go”. Let’s be honest, if you don’t see this, you’re ignorant or stupid. I’m going with both.

Do you think the PP who knows Daniels better than most is his wife or daughter? Can you imagine being married to such a sexist? Or being his kid? I hope they break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

You obviously didn't read the op-ed. While I am no fan of the former Indiana governor, I have been a professor for 20 years, and I empathize with the sentiment expressed in the op-ed. 90% of the parental involvement, nay, intrusion, with regard to college student experience comes from mothers. I'm sure this is due to a number of sociological and cultural factors, but yes, moms need to back off.

I'm a professor too--have taught at 3 very different kinds of institutions over 2 decades. Be honest what percentage of parental involvement have you experienced directly? Total up your students. Give a percentage of how many you have taught that you have had ANY contact with their parents outside of graduation, let alone egregious involvement. Your 90% figure is meaningless a commentary on moms, if it's anywhere like mine, less than 1% of my students.

Right on professor! That first "professor" clearly isn't one at my child's prestigious university, because they lack any ability for critical thinking. Obviously another woman-hating man.

Critical thinking goes both ways. I'd be wary of arguing with "only a few." If a college had only a handful of transgender students, and the president wrote an op-ed about policies enacted to protect those students, would you also say that only 1% is meaningless?

Your point makes no sense. The issue is the making a commentary about "moms" and then describing the behavior of a few "moms" he finds problematic when the reality is that anyone who works in higher ed knows this represents a tiny percentage of students' mothers. This isn't like protecting the interests of a small minority like transgender students.

I have a similar less than 1% of students who complain about their grades, give excuses I find laughable, make unreasonable demands like me recounting all we covered in a class that they missed. Does that mean I should write commentaries on how my students as a whole need to be less annoying and entitled? Should I comment that it tends to be the white men who do this more and therefore extend that to my critique of white male students writ large? No, it means like all social situations there are going to be a few people whose behavior I find problematic and I complain about their individual behaviors and not extend it to the group to which I think they belong.

Um, professors, I don’t think any of you understood the first professor’s post. They said 90% of parental involvement comes from mothers. Not that 90% of their students’ mothers get involved. It could be 90% of your 1% for that professor.

That was exactly my point. The prior professor agreed with the op-ed that "moms need to back off" because 90% of their experience of parental involvement was moms. But never clarified what the overall percentage of parental involvement was. If it's less than 1% of parents involved at all, it is bad reasoning to think that they have anything meaningful to comment on "moms" as a broad category.

I'm the first professor. There are a lot of things that involve just a tiny, tiny percentage of students, but take up a disproportionate amount of mental energy--like moms emailing professors about their child's low grade. The vast majority of my students' parents are hands off, but I have had a handful of nightmare scenarios with parents, in my case 100% moms, who were massive drains on my time and energy. On a couple of occasions, their complaints would escalate up to chairs, then deans, and on up. If you're an assistant professor or an adjunct, these sorts of complaints cause a tremendous amount stress because you are afraid of losing your job over it.
As I said, I'm not a fan of the Purdue president, but I don't know of a single long-time professor who hasn't had an experience with a disgruntled parent.
Yes, the president does sound old and out-of-touch with his mother's day rhetoric, but the point of helicopter moms is not completely off base.

Sure, out of my decades as a professor I've had a couple encounters with disgruntled parents (as well as students, administrators, colleagues) who absorb far more energy than they should. This is the case in any workplace--the disgruntled few absorb far more energy than the vast majority. But as a tiny percentage, they represent themselves not some larger category--I can't make judgments on moms, dads, race, gender etc. based on what a few people do. Surely you grasp this if you are a professor.

I don't think that the Purdue president is trying to disparage all mothers. He begins with an overly fawning and romanticized description of mothers, but then goes into the few that end up being the focus of the op-ed. I would personally be in favor of a policy that told professors to immediately disregard all parental contact. But, of course, no university will do that for fear of eliminating donations.

DP. Which was, of course, deeply sexist.

I’d be fine with a policy like you suggest and yet based on this, I’d never send a child to Purdue because of the remarkably blatant sexism on display from the head of the whole school. I’d be worried about her safety. If she was groped by a professor during office hours (happened to my college roommate so this is something I lived up close), I don’t see how an administration led by someone as comfortable with casual sexism as this president is would be trustworthy.

Look, the article is tone deaf, even if it makes a valid point about helicopter moms. However, I wouldn't give up on an entire university based on this op-ed. If your daughter were sexually harassed by a prof, there's a significant chance that the president wouldn't even hear about it. Most professors, even at a place like Purude, are politically liberal, don't condone sexual harassment of any kind, and will stand up for students who are wronged by faculty.

It tells stories of a few crazed helicopter moms and says they are a problem. I hardly think that's a meaningful valid point--more like 'aren't these obviously ridiculous things ridiculous.' followed by casual sexism and generalizations.
And leadership at a university matters and it does shape how concerns are addressed and heard. Accusations of sexual harassment/assault are dealt with by administrators and hr, not fellow faculty.

+1

The overall message out of this editorial of endemic sexism at Purdue is not what the author intended but which is useful to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot of you are taking this op-Ed personally! He’s not wrong, although I do take issue with the timing and singling out moms - because there have to be a few examples of dads doing this too even if it’s not as frequent. It could’ve been more balanced.

The point is that we are doing our kids a huge disservice by not stepping back and encouraging independence.

The editorial is a strong indicator that Purdue’s administrators are sexist. I would not want to send a smart girl there, based on this.

Lol, ok. Read into it whatever you want. And don’t send your DD there based on an op-Ed written by one person. But does he have a valid point or not? You can agree with the message even if you take issue with the delivery.

One person? The president and former governor of the state, writing in the Washington Post? No one is in a better position to speak for the school?
Just sit back and enjoy.

I am very familiar with who Mitch Daniels is, probably more so than most people on here. I agree the article is tone deaf and unfairly singled out moms. The timing is atrocious. There are much better ways to make the point that parents of college students need to let go. But he’s right in that point. You know he is. That’s why you’re ignoring the message and making sweeping generalizations about the import of this on the university.

If he’s telling the truth, he’s cherry-picking his favorite outrageous stories over years and tens of thousands of parents and portraying it as “moms need to let go”. Let’s be honest, if you don’t see this, you’re ignorant or stupid. I’m going with both.

Do you think the PP who knows Daniels better than most is his wife or daughter? Can you imagine being married to such a sexist? Or being his kid? I hope they break the cycle.

You got me. You’re so clever! Had you even heard of him before this thread?

You apparently don’t even believe that what he’s talking about actually happens. “If held telling the truth.” Does this mean you’re the mom who tried to impersonate her child on zoom? (See how illogical that sounds?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not rare or only mentally ill moms. The college FB parents groups have lots of examples.

Count up how many posters of ridiculous concerns there are and compare to the total number of students at the school and see if you still think this represents "moms" as a whole.