Purdue President’s Op-Ed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he were a true academic, he would have written something deeper to ask good questions about how we got to this place, about the role that society seeks of mothers, of why parents can't let go, why college is seen as such a make or break situation, etc. Instead he took a smarmy, look how clever and superior I am approach.

+1

And how does he think kids accomplish all they do by age 17 for college applications? They want kids who’ve changed the world by 17, but they think they're doing this without parental management and intervention? Hah. You got what you wanted, buddy.

I agree! PP with first comment, you should write a letter to the editor copied to this guy with a counterpoint, because you are spot on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he were a true academic, he would have written something deeper to ask good questions about how we got to this place, about the role that society seeks of mothers, of why parents can't let go, why college is seen as such a make or break situation, etc. Instead he took a smarmy, look how clever and superior I am approach.

+1

And how does he think kids accomplish all they do by age 17 for college applications? They want kids who’ve changed the world by 17, but they think they're doing this without parental management and intervention? Hah. You got what you wanted, buddy.

Exactly. Colleges are complicit in this. He should reflect inward a little more.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe these are the parents of kids with mild special needs whose frontal lobes won't be fully ready to launch until 28 (see ADHD statistics), and so actually do need parenting for few years longer than other kids? Those kids exist too, and I don't envy the journey their amazing parents have been on. And those kids especially have been set back in typical development even more these past two years. So suck it up Purdue, we've got some healing to do and it may take a while, os you need to meet the needs of the kids you actually admitted to your school.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the critics. Most of the examples he provides are of course way over the top...but we are hearing HIS version of these stories. If someone's complaint had been addressed in a timely fashion, would they have actually contacted the school 13 times? Read some of the comments that follow his commentary.

There is a Tsk Tsk tone to his editorial. Like these mothers running around like frantic chickens mean well, but they must be checked. And now that we know he has this mindset, how open do you think the administration is to even legit parental complaints. They are, for the most part paying his salary.

Yeah, this guys really turns me off, and his treatment of women is not respectful. I would LOVE to see a rebuttal from parents of kids who were ignored or dismissed by the school's administration, when they HAD to step in to advocate for their children (not his silly examples...but I am SURE that sometimes parental involvement has been justified).

Ycch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

[Anonymous]

Oh my, you knew he was going to bash moms when he started with "I love moms." Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

[Anonymous]

Yikes! The level of anger being expressed by women here is almost more amusing than the article itself! Thanks for the entertaining thread. 😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

+1
I work in higher ed. People love to talk trash about helicopter moms but the reality is that more than 99% don't do this. They just make sure their kids are there, the tuition is paid, their health insurance is figured out etc. I hear though lots of repeating about the handful of 'crazy moms' we have out of our tens of thousands of students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! The level of anger being expressed by women here is almost more amusing than the article itself! Thanks for the entertaining thread. 😆

You sound like you belong to his men's circle of superiority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

I think for every mom who oversteps, there are 99 making sure the tuition bill is paid on time. He paints the minority as typical, while taking the financial and logistical support of the majority for granted.

+1
I work in higher ed. People love to talk trash about helicopter moms but the reality is that more than 99% don't do this. They just make sure their kids are there, the tuition is paid, their health insurance is figured out etc. I hear though lots of repeating about the handful of 'crazy moms' we have out of our tens of thousands of students.

Thank you. A voice of reason that was missing from his editorial. Balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible

man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

OP here. Yes, I am a woman. Do you think the actual requests and commands that he mentions are appropriate? I hear this type of thing over and over from people who work in colleges and even at workplaces. The infantalizing of our adult children has to stop.

But not a single mention of men. It's mean-spirited at best but more accurately a reflection of the diretion this country is headed. We are no longer moving forward as women. I feel it in my life everyday. Being belittled and looked down on by men. So some moms can't let go. Of course I believe that. But so the hell what? Why do I care? I don't do that. What I do see everyday is my husband leaving every single aspect of parenting to me. Treating me as if I'm the hire help, even as I hold down a full-time, WOH job, and he doesn't. This guy is a sexist and is joining the whilte men chorus in taking women back down. Wake up.

Did you read the op-ed? He does mention men and fathers and says they do not submit anywhere near the number of questions as mothers.

Well, duh, they have their wives doing it for them. Did they stop their wives from doing it? Did they step in and say, "son, your mother shouldn't be doing this for you, time to adult?" No. No, they didn't; but who complains about them for their failure to raise independent competent kids who can find their own roommate? Much easier to blame the mom.

So you are okay with the moms submitting these concerns to a college?

"Of course, many of the grievances are justified, and we try to act on them promptly."

Yes, there are a few mentally ill or entitled parents who do over the top things like impersonate their children to get grades changed. Do you think this is common or worthy of writing an article full o f negativity toward mothers on Mother's Day? Particularly after the two years of remote schooling so many parents have just endured? This guy used those examples to support a broader statement: "Working daily with and on behalf of tens of thousands of other people’s children, as I do as the president of Purdue University, one encounters mothers who, let’s just say, carry things a little far." So after a litany of crazy parent examples, he sums up with the condescending: "So, bless all the moms, and dads, including those who go a little over the edge. We’ll do our best to be responsive. But remember: When your kid graduated from high school, maybe it was time for you to graduate, too. Happy Mother’s Day to all."

In sum, Happy Mother's day, but f-off, Momma.

You could write a similar article about the few wildy inappropriate parents and not come across the way this guy did. But you wouldn't post it on Mothers Day. On Mother's Day, you could instead highlight the great work of moms and single moms who did everything in their power to raise responsible, independent, well-educated-in-spite-of-difficult-times kids. How about that as a Mothers Day Op ed? How about a University President writing an op ed that thanks the better examples of mothers for all they did to raise the great kids who make his university a place he is proud of? How about some examples of great moms in your mothers day op ed? Is he right that some of the examples he gave are over the top? Yes. Is he right to use those examples to put across his broader f-you Mother's Day message -- absolutely not. The op ed is an embarrassment to Purdue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents stepping in like this is exacerbating the mental health crisis our teens and young adults are facing. They are learning they have no competence or skills to handle problems themselves.

+1

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s an important read for many on DCUM — don’t be like the moms he references. Let your college kids figure stuff out on their own!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2022/05/06/mothers-day-helicopter-parenting/

OP, are you a woman? You shoud be ashamed of yourself if you are. We have got to take the country and our lives back from these sexist, mysoginist pigs. What a hateful, horrible man. If my kid were at Purdue (he's not, he's at a top 10 university, t thankfully), I would not pay another dime of tuition until this man releases a apology. Shameful.

Are you joking? Not OP, but not very impressed by your argument. I love for people to express their opionons. That is what makes us great! It is name calling as a retort that will tear us apart as a society. Just because you don't have the skills to argue with this man, doesn't make him all the names you called him.

Build a logical argument, consider the other side, consider where he might be correct, then rebuttal. Seriously, name calling is for kids, not smart adults.

Well, if I were a major university president presumably with a spouse at home handling every single domestic detail of my life and multiple women assisting me in the workplace, I would take the time to put my high intelligence to use to write a thoughtful well-written, craftfully argued piece explaining why is his "op ed" was beyond short-sighted. As it is, I am working on a Saturday morning to make up for the many hours of work I missed this week attending to mandatory school activities for my kids, while the dads literally were sitting on the sidelines. Just becuse he has a few examples of women not letting go and simply annoying him does not make him correct. If I were a tuition-paying parent at Purdue, I would question why I was contributing to an overpriced salary spending his time publicly dumping on the mothers of his students.