How do "cool kids" become "cool"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

I agree. My brother in law was very cool in high school. Now he’s fifty and living off his parents. A total loser. Usually the cool kids in high school do drugs.

I went to a few of my high school reunions and experienced this big time. My nerdy friend and I were all doing interesting things, while most of the cool kids never left town. They seemed so wistful and spent most of their time reminiscing about "the good old days." My friends and I reminisced, too, but not one of us felt sad about no longer being in high school. One of my super shy nerdy wallflower friends blossomed into a head-turner-could-be-a-model. She barely spoke to anyone outside our group in school and at the reunion no one knew who she was!

I feel like this is one of those internet tropes that people love to think is true, but it's kind of tired and played out and doesn't always (or even usually) work that way in real life. DH and I were just talking about this--and the "popular kids" from both of our high schools have, for the most part, done well for themselves. Maybe it depends on where you grew up but in my UMC hometown the popular kids tended to have smart, ambitious, successful parents who, not surprisingly, had kids who turned out similarly. I mean, being outgoing, able to work connections, attractive--all things that are really valued in our society (for better or worse). All of them went to good colleges and while some make more money than others (careers range from f500 c suite to elementary school teacher to speech therapist to physician to banker) they seem to be doing just fine in life. All good, I don't wish for anyone to do bad in life even if I didn't personally like them.

Agreed. Myself and my "cool" friends are pretty much doing okay. But then, most of the kids I went to school with seem to be doing just fine too. We were mostly UMC, so that's probably the reason, rather than anything related to being cool or popular.

I think it all has to do with where you grew up. Highly rated school in a large metro? Popular kids are successful people...turns out the things that made them popular in high school (being outgoing, confident, attractive, and having good social skills) are things that are also valued in the real world. Shitty school in shitty small town nowheresville? Barbie the cheerleader is now a crack whore and Daryl the quarterback mows lawns and relives the '98 state championship game at the local watering hole.

Perhaps that's it. I was in a suburban area of an attractive, popular metropolitan area. My closest friends in the DC area mostly moved here from more rural areas. They were all loners or dorky kids from towns they felt they had to escape. When they talk about high school, it's the cheerleader/football thing you're talking about. I had always understood it as a stereotype left over from the 80s instead of an actual thing that happened to people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

I agree. My brother in law was very cool in high school. Now he’s fifty and living off his parents. A total loser. Usually the cool kids in high school do drugs.

I went to a few of my high school reunions and experienced this big time. My nerdy friend and I were all doing interesting things, while most of the cool kids never left town. They seemed so wistful and spent most of their time reminiscing about "the good old days." My friends and I reminisced, too, but not one of us felt sad about no longer being in high school. One of my super shy nerdy wallflower friends blossomed into a head-turner-could-be-a-model. She barely spoke to anyone outside our group in school and at the reunion no one knew who she was!

I feel like this is one of those internet tropes that people love to think is true, but it's kind of tired and played out and doesn't always (or even usually) work that way in real life. DH and I were just talking about this--and the "popular kids" from both of our high schools have, for the most part, done well for themselves. Maybe it depends on where you grew up but in my UMC hometown the popular kids tended to have smart, ambitious, successful parents who, not surprisingly, had kids who turned out similarly. I mean, being outgoing, able to work connections, attractive--all things that are really valued in our society (for better or worse). All of them went to good colleges and while some make more money than others (careers range from f500 c suite to elementary school teacher to speech therapist to physician to banker) they seem to be doing just fine in life. All good, I don't wish for anyone to do bad in life even if I didn't personally like them.

Agreed. Myself and my "cool" friends are pretty much doing okay. But then, most of the kids I went to school with seem to be doing just fine too. We were mostly UMC, so that's probably the reason, rather than anything related to being cool or popular.

I think it all has to do with where you grew up. Highly rated school in a large metro? Popular kids are successful people...turns out the things that made them popular in high school (being outgoing, confident, attractive, and having good social skills) are things that are also valued in the real world. Shitty school in shitty small town nowheresville? Barbie the cheerleader is now a crack whore and Daryl the quarterback mows lawns and relives the '98 state championship game at the local watering hole.

Perhaps that's it. I was in a suburban area of an attractive, popular metropolitan area. My closest friends in the DC area mostly moved here from more rural areas. They were all loners or dorky kids from towns they felt they had to escape. When they talk about high school, it's the cheerleader/football thing you're talking about. I had always understood it as a stereotype left over from the 80s instead of an actual thing that happened to people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

I agree. My brother in law was very cool in high school. Now he’s fifty and living off his parents. A total loser. Usually the cool kids in high school do drugs.

I went to a few of my high school reunions and experienced this big time. My nerdy friend and I were all doing interesting things, while most of the cool kids never left town. They seemed so wistful and spent most of their time reminiscing about "the good old days." My friends and I reminisced, too, but not one of us felt sad about no longer being in high school. One of my super shy nerdy wallflower friends blossomed into a head-turner-could-be-a-model. She barely spoke to anyone outside our group in school and at the reunion no one knew who she was!

I feel like this is one of those internet tropes that people love to think is true, but it's kind of tired and played out and doesn't always (or even usually) work that way in real life. DH and I were just talking about this--and the "popular kids" from both of our high schools have, for the most part, done well for themselves. Maybe it depends on where you grew up but in my UMC hometown the popular kids tended to have smart, ambitious, successful parents who, not surprisingly, had kids who turned out similarly. I mean, being outgoing, able to work connections, attractive--all things that are really valued in our society (for better or worse). All of them went to good colleges and while some make more money than others (careers range from f500 c suite to elementary school teacher to speech therapist to physician to banker) they seem to be doing just fine in life. All good, I don't wish for anyone to do bad in life even if I didn't personally like them.

Agreed. Myself and my "cool" friends are pretty much doing okay. But then, most of the kids I went to school with seem to be doing just fine too. We were mostly UMC, so that's probably the reason, rather than anything related to being cool or popular.

I think it all has to do with where you grew up. Highly rated school in a large metro? Popular kids are successful people...turns out the things that made them popular in high school (being outgoing, confident, attractive, and having good social skills) are things that are also valued in the real world. Shitty school in shitty small town nowheresville? Barbie the cheerleader is now a crack whore and Daryl the quarterback mows lawns and relives the '98 state championship game at the local watering hole.

Perhaps that's it. I was in a suburban area of an attractive, popular metropolitan area. My closest friends in the DC area mostly moved here from more rural areas. They were all loners or dorky kids from towns they felt they had to escape. When they talk about high school, it's the cheerleader/football thing you're talking about. I had always understood it as a stereotype left over from the 80s instead of an actual thing that happened to people.

what is the part you're objecting to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think cool and popular are two very different things. For those who remember Beverly Hills, 90210: Steve Sanders was popular while Dylan McKay was cool.

So true!

Dylan was a loser.

No way! Dylan was the epitome of cool!

Some people were damaged in high school by not being cool or popular and still carry a grudge to this day.

And that’s Dylan’s fault?! He was so cool he stuck up for kids getting bullied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

I agree. My brother in law was very cool in high school. Now he’s fifty and living off his parents. A total loser. Usually the cool kids in high school do drugs.

I went to a few of my high school reunions and experienced this big time. My nerdy friend and I were all doing interesting things, while most of the cool kids never left town. They seemed so wistful and spent most of their time reminiscing about "the good old days." My friends and I reminisced, too, but not one of us felt sad about no longer being in high school. One of my super shy nerdy wallflower friends blossomed into a head-turner-could-be-a-model. She barely spoke to anyone outside our group in school and at the reunion no one knew who she was!

I feel like this is one of those internet tropes that people love to think is true, but it's kind of tired and played out and doesn't always (or even usually) work that way in real life. DH and I were just talking about this--and the "popular kids" from both of our high schools have, for the most part, done well for themselves. Maybe it depends on where you grew up but in my UMC hometown the popular kids tended to have smart, ambitious, successful parents who, not surprisingly, had kids who turned out similarly. I mean, being outgoing, able to work connections, attractive--all things that are really valued in our society (for better or worse). All of them went to good colleges and while some make more money than others (careers range from f500 c suite to elementary school teacher to speech therapist to physician to banker) they seem to be doing just fine in life. All good, I don't wish for anyone to do bad in life even if I didn't personally like them.

Agreed. Myself and my "cool" friends are pretty much doing okay. But then, most of the kids I went to school with seem to be doing just fine too. We were mostly UMC, so that's probably the reason, rather than anything related to being cool or popular.

I think it all has to do with where you grew up. Highly rated school in a large metro? Popular kids are successful people...turns out the things that made them popular in high school (being outgoing, confident, attractive, and having good social skills) are things that are also valued in the real world. Shitty school in shitty small town nowheresville? Barbie the cheerleader is now a crack whore and Daryl the quarterback mows lawns and relives the '98 state championship game at the local watering hole.

Perhaps that's it. I was in a suburban area of an attractive, popular metropolitan area. My closest friends in the DC area mostly moved here from more rural areas. They were all loners or dorky kids from towns they felt they had to escape. When they talk about high school, it's the cheerleader/football thing you're talking about. I had always understood it as a stereotype left over from the 80s instead of an actual thing that happened to people.

Sometimes I wonder if the football/cheerleader/homecoming queen wasn't a trope in books, shows, and movies, would it still happen?

I have a high school reunion coming up and people are all over Facebook sharing their homecoming court photos and talking about that amazing football game in 1992! Should I share my Science Olympiad photos? Too bad don't have any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think cool and popular are two very different things. For those who remember Beverly Hills, 90210: Steve Sanders was popular while Dylan McKay was cool.

So true!

Dylan was a loser.

No way! Dylan was the epitome of cool!

Some people were damaged in high school by not being cool or popular and still carry a grudge to this day.

And that’s Dylan’s fault?! He was so cool he stuck up for kids getting bullied.

No, no. I was defending him.

[Anonymous]

Looks, personality, confidence

[Anonymous]

I think "cool" is different than "popular." I'm seeing popular kids getting that way by putting down others and creating cliques. It wasn't like that in early elementary school, but that seems the way among the 4th grade girls. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, OP is probably at a private school. This does not seem like a public school thing. At least not at my public school. Thank God.

What, there no popular kid cliques on public school? Sure, ok.

Not really. The middle schools are too large. Cool Kid cllques only work where everyone knows everyone else.

You don't sound like you went to PS in the DC metro area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks, personality, confidence

Ha! And their mother's social strategies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being socially savvy, advanced, earlier puberty development combined with usually having more access to the interests of older kids (music, social media etc).

However, this isn't always good at younger ages. Being precocious and daring often leads to poor choices. I'll take a nerd any day lol. My daughter seems to check a lot of the above boxes but she's not super interested in the cool kids (she's in 8th grade). She says the cool kids skip school and are now dating, drinking, vaping, having sex. These kids were "cool" in a regular way in 6th grade. Its interesting. I read this and it makes sense:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/privileged-pressured/201809/middle-school-popularity-can-backfire-over-time

This article makes me so happy my kids are not the "cool" kids!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents and social engineering.

Yes the fuggo moms that you can tell were never popular push to act like assholes and make their kids seem cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents and social engineering.

Yes the fuggo moms that you can tell were never popular push to act like assholes and make their kids seem cool.

+1

[Anonymous]

Fuggo? Is this a word the cool kids know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the cool kids in middle and high school blossomed early and went on to be lame adults. Not so bad to blossom late and to spend more time developing a few good friends and passions with no concern for public opinion.

I agree. My brother in law was very cool in high school. Now he’s fifty and living off his parents. A total loser. Usually the cool kids in high school do drugs.

I went to a few of my high school reunions and experienced this big time. My nerdy friend and I were all doing interesting things, while most of the cool kids never left town. They seemed so wistful and spent most of their time reminiscing about "the good old days." My friends and I reminisced, too, but not one of us felt sad about no longer being in high school. One of my super shy nerdy wallflower friends blossomed into a head-turner-could-be-a-model. She barely spoke to anyone outside our group in school and at the reunion no one knew who she was!

I feel like this is one of those internet tropes that people love to think is true, but it's kind of tired and played out and doesn't always (or even usually) work that way in real life. DH and I were just talking about this--and the "popular kids" from both of our high schools have, for the most part, done well for themselves. Maybe it depends on where you grew up but in my UMC hometown the popular kids tended to have smart, ambitious, successful parents who, not surprisingly, had kids who turned out similarly. I mean, being outgoing, able to work connections, attractive--all things that are really valued in our society (for better or worse). All of them went to good colleges and while some make more money than others (careers range from f500 c suite to elementary school teacher to speech therapist to physician to banker) they seem to be doing just fine in life. All good, I don't wish for anyone to do bad in life even if I didn't personally like them.

Agreed. Myself and my "cool" friends are pretty much doing okay. But then, most of the kids I went to school with seem to be doing just fine too. We were mostly UMC, so that's probably the reason, rather than anything related to being cool or popular.

I think it all has to do with where you grew up. Highly rated school in a large metro? Popular kids are successful people...turns out the things that made them popular in high school (being outgoing, confident, attractive, and having good social skills) are things that are also valued in the real world. Shitty school in shitty small town nowheresville? Barbie the cheerleader is now a crack whore and Daryl the quarterback mows lawns and relives the '98 state championship game at the local watering hole.

Perhaps that's it. I was in a suburban area of an attractive, popular metropolitan area. My closest friends in the DC area mostly moved here from more rural areas. They were all loners or dorky kids from towns they felt they had to escape. When they talk about high school, it's the cheerleader/football thing you're talking about. I had always understood it as a stereotype left over from the 80s instead of an actual thing that happened to people.

I went to high school in MoCo in the mid to late 90s. The popular kids were definitely the cheerleaders and football players etc.