How do "cool kids" become "cool"?
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Anonymous
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I ask this with the full knowledge that there are many brands of "cool" -- and that kids who peak in elementary school might not stay that way.
However, I think most of us know or remember the type: Around fifth grade, kids broke into groups, and there was definitely a "cool" group or boys and girls. My DD is seeing it now. There is a Spring Dance at her school, and there's a clique of boys and girls who are inviting each other. These, by and large, are the popular kids -- whatever popular means, but this is how DD describes it. She is on the fringe of that group, so knows them well enough to know who's asking who, etc., but also really isn't ready for that stuff! She likes American Girl dolls and, having turned 11 last month, really doesn't care about boys (or girls!) in that way yet. I think my question is more sociological: How do these groups form? There is no common sport or interest that I can see. In the girl group, the moms do hang out, but then -- what makes the moms "cool"? On the boy side, I can't think of what binds them beyond the fact that they play sports, but other kids not in the group do, too, and the kids involved are all on various teams -- it's not like they all play football together. I guess I'm just curious as to how these groups form and self-select. I grew up moving a lot so was never privy to the inner working of cliques -- as soon as I figured out the "rules" at one school, we'd move! I find it a combination of fascinating and frightening. I am lucky that my DD is a floater and seems not to care too much about being fully accepted into any one group, but some of the stories she tells from recess just seem ripped from the book "Queen Bees and Wannabees." Your thoughts? |
Anonymous
| The kids are asking each other as dates to the 5th grade dance? Aren't dances at that age supposed to be about everyone just being there together? I would be more concerned about this than who is cool--this seems way too early to start worrying about who has a date and who doesn't--they shouldn't be "dating" at that age. |
Anonymous
| Parents and social engineering. |
Anonymous
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Only in the minds of people like OP.
I have been to private school, my kids have been in public schools, there are no cool/popular at that age. There are in middle and high schools, but again, it's only a subset of the student population that cares about this. Most students know that popularity isn't "important". Most students want to fit in with a group and have friends. Groups are porous and overlap. The weird notion that there are "nerds" and "jocks" only exists in movies. In real like, it's very fluid. And God help any parent who cares about this! You don't need to be "popular" or "cool" to have friends. |
Anonymous
| They tend to be good looking and have money. They often have deeper roots in the community. Being outgoing helps as well -- introverts by their nature are less likely to be "cool." |
Anonymous
Yeah, this reads as sexually precocious, not "cool." In general, there are "cool" kids who are that way by virtue of having some popular trait -- they are athletic, or really outgoing, or whatever, and people like to be around them. They genuinely have a lot of friends and people who want to be their friend. There are also kids who are "cool" in the sense that term was used in the 80s, which is more the Queen Bee type (although some are boys). These kids are often wealthy, good-looking, athletic, and concerned about looks and clothes and acting older than they are. They are popular in the sense that they cultivate a sense of exclusivity, concern about whether you're in or out, fear of being on the outside based on mockery and bullying, etc. But that doesn't mean that kids really like them -- they want to be in the group for status reasons. |
Anonymous
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I think it really comes down to a couple of things and is different (but similar) in all classes. My 4th grader has been “labeled” as a popular kid, and one of her closest friends is being called “the most popular kid in the grade” but I can’t really figure out why. They’re mostly cute, fun girls who have a good time together and have a wide variety of interests.
In some cases it’s the kids who have early access to phones and technology, or who are allowed to watch any movies/tv shows, because other kids covet those things and see the kids who have them as cooler. My 9yo has an older sister so she definitely dresses a little older than some of her peers, and has a more defined fashion sense than her sister did at the same age. She also has a very outgoing and somewhat bubbly personality, and while she is smart she isn’t the super academic type and she is more into being social and having fun I think than focusing on school (we talk with her a lot about how school is important, but after a year and a half of almost no social interaction I can see why she gravitates to the social aspect of school right now). She is usually happy to go with the flow and jump into any activity, and she’s generally pretty good at most things she tries, or if she isn’t she still tries and is sweetly self-deprecating. She’s also friends with boys and girls, and her group of friends seems pretty well-liked and “fun” overall. Finally, there has always just been “something” about this kid - even when she was a baby people were drawn to her and would comment on how “there’s just something about Larla” all the time. She’s very dynamic, I guess? I can easily see her being a politician because she connects extremely well with people quickly. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, OP is probably at a private school. This does not seem like a public school thing. At least not at my public school. Thank God. |
Anonymous
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If you work in an elementary school, you know there definitely are "cool" kids.
I think it has to do with confidence, ease of communication, good clothes/hygiene, and general interests. I say this as a parent of two kids who are both happy and have a lot friends, but aren't considered the "cool kids"--they are both brainy and not always confident 
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Anonymous
| Is this a private school? I havent seen this in our publics at all. The middle schools are too large to have a defined "cool" club and of course a 5th/6th grade dance is so silly, i cant imagine any public school entertaining the thoight. |
Anonymous
What, there no popular kid cliques on public school? Sure, ok. |
Anonymous
I went to public school in FFX county in the 80s and the 6th grade dance was a huge thing that everyone looked forward to. (Even the totally uncool kids like me.) My kids go to a public school in a different part of Virginia now and there is a 5th grade celebration that includes a DJ/dance floor. The kids love it. |
Anonymous
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Do any of you remember when you were in school? It's not a public vs. private school thing, there were cool kids and regular kids (even back in the OLD days!).
As to what makes cool kids cool might depend on what the school culture is like but in general these kids have charisma and confidence. |
Anonymous
Well, they don't do sixth grade dances for fcps any more. |
Anonymous
Not really. The middle schools are too large. Cool Kid cllques only work where everyone knows everyone else. |