How do "cool kids" become "cool"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a private school? I havent seen this in our publics at all. The middle schools are too large to have a defined "cool" club and of course a 5th/6th grade dance is so silly, i cant imagine any public school entertaining the thoight.

I went to public school in FFX county in the 80s and the 6th grade dance was a huge thing that everyone looked forward to. (Even the totally uncool kids like me.) My kids go to a public school in a different part of Virginia now and there is a 5th grade celebration that includes a DJ/dance floor. The kids love it.

Well, they don't do sixth grade dances for fcps any more.

Well, that’s too bad.

[Anonymous]

They have cool parents.

-former cool kid, now parent to cool kid

(Hint: most of the draw comes from TRULY not caring about people’s impression of you.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have cool parents.

-former cool kid, now parent to cool kid

(Hint: most of the draw comes from TRULY not caring about people’s impression of you.)

Define cool.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, it starts with confidence, then moves on to athleticism and looks. Then, some popular kids are genuinely nice, and that cements their status. Others are horrible and their popularity starts to feed off of their meanness.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely popular cliques in my kids Nova public elementary school. The popular kids tend to be outgoing and sporty.

[Anonymous]

Oh for sure, my cool kid oozes confidence and doesn’t give a flying f what other people think of her. She’s also genuinely nice and kind, but I think it comes down to confidence.

[Anonymous]

Mostly by learning how to bully and mean-girl the weaker, shyer, slower to develop kids, such that all the other kids fear being like the weaker kids and work really hard to imitate the alpha bullies. I've watched it happen year after year with each new batch of little innocents.

Usually, it happens because the parent has drummed into the child's head the 'good' way to be and the 'bad' way to be, but left out every ounce of empathy for struggles along the way. Then, the child views the world through this lens, and so sees all other kids that way too, and shows no empathy for peers who are different or who make mistakes.

I had one 6th grader articulate it quite well after being bullied in grade school (immature development) and hoping things would be better in middle school: "I've changed so much, and grown up, but they don't see it. They don't see me anymore. They won't let me be who I am now." He was pegged as "uncool" by first grade and that was the end of him for the so-called cool kids. [and to 8:54, this kid was good looking, smart, an athlete, and from a wealthy family, so no -- its mostly about the wolf pack culling the herd ruthlessly at a very early age].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, OP is probably at a private school. This does not seem like a public school thing. At least not at my public school. Thank God.

What, there no popular kid cliques on public school? Sure, ok.

Oddly we left public for private and DD reports that it is far less cliquey. Which we actually didn’t expect at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have cool parents.

-former cool kid, now parent to cool kid

(Hint: most of the draw comes from TRULY not caring about people’s impression of you.)

Define cool.

Funny, charming, worldly, smart, engaging, and empathetic, with style and taste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh for sure, my cool kid oozes confidence and doesn’t give a flying f what other people think of her. She’s also genuinely nice and kind, but I think it comes down to confidence.

I think this can go either way and maybe it's the difference between being 'cool' and being 'popular'. My older one is popular and well-liked and just really kind and welcoming to everyone, though he does have his small tight group of friends. But he definitely cares what people think. He's still going to do his thing either way but it affects him if he thinks people are talking/thinking about him. For example, his close friends are all more gifted athletes and while he tries to keep up and isn't bad per se, they will all go on to play at a higher-level than him. He does play sports but he gets frustrated and feels like everyone is looking down on him (even though I'm sure they don't care at all).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in the minds of people like OP.

I have been to private school, my kids have been in public schools, there are no cool/popular at that age. There are in middle and high schools, but again, it's only a subset of the student population that cares about this. Most students know that popularity isn't "important". Most students want to fit in with a group and have friends. Groups are porous and overlap. The weird notion that there are "nerds" and "jocks" only exists in movies. In real like, it's very fluid.


And God help any parent who cares about this! You don't need to be "popular" or "cool" to have friends.

There was definitely a cool girl clique when I was in 5th grade and one or two people had a "boyfriend".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, OP is probably at a private school. This does not seem like a public school thing. At least not at my public school. Thank God.

Someone doesn’t live in reality, this is every school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you remember when you were in school? It's not a public vs. private school thing, there were cool kids and regular kids (even back in the OLD days!).

As to what makes cool kids cool might depend on what the school culture is like but in general these kids have charisma and confidence.

A lot of times it’s the kids with older siblings because they have more exposure to the latest trends and they tend to act older.

[Anonymous]

Sports, community pool and cotilas, mean money

[Anonymous]

What is Colitas?