How do "cool kids" become "cool"?

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids, oldest is biological- cute but awkward, science geek. Definitely not cool. Younger sibling is adopted and was born cool, I swear. He’s always had off the charts high social IQ, we called him the “town mayor” in preschool bc he knew everyone by name, he’s athletic, funny, pays attention to what older kids wear and emulates, has good manners with adults so parents & teachers love him. A parent told me this year that her son said my son is “most popular” in his 5th grade class.

[Anonymous]

Lmao, "cool kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fuggo? Is this a word the cool kids know?[/quote

Yes it is a variation of fugly.

[Anonymous]

In the high school and pre high school social climate, there are basically three ways to become cool.

One is being the rich kid who can afford everything. They become cool because everyone wants what they have.

Two is being the funny kid who always has the right thing to say, the right joke, the right way to ease tension, etc.

Three is just being the laid back kid who doesn't care. They might be hated by the rich kid for not being a follower. They might get their day when the funny kid laughs at them. But they take it in stride and people gravitate towards that, especially people who aren't friends with the first two groups, and even a lot of those who are.

This is a small microcosm though and there are overlaps and others that you could define (athletes for example) but even when you try to add a category, there will be some overlap here.

[Anonymous]

They just are. I realized my youngest was one at a bunch of class bday parties. They find their "group" and they seem to be " in charge" and they love planning and organizing stuff. My DD coordinates with her friends what they will wear, bring for toy day, create for the teacher and who will play with who. My eldest is the opposite and in HS found her tribe but is not popular but well liked. My youngest seems pretty confident and sure of herself. We often argue on hair styles and clothing choices. I am not sure what else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in the minds of people like OP.

I have been to private school, my kids have been in public schools, there are no cool/popular at that age. There are in middle and high schools, but again, it's only a subset of the student population that cares about this. Most students know that popularity isn't "important". Most students want to fit in with a group and have friends. Groups are porous and overlap. The weird notion that there are "nerds" and "jocks" only exists in movies. In real like, it's very fluid.


And God help any parent who cares about this! You don't need to be "popular" or "cool" to have friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids, oldest is biological- cute but awkward, science geek. Definitely not cool. Younger sibling is adopted and was born cool, I swear. He’s always had off the charts high social IQ, we called him the “town mayor” in preschool bc he knew everyone by name, he’s athletic, funny, pays attention to what older kids wear and emulates, has good manners with adults so parents & teachers love him. A parent told me this year that her son said my son is “most popular” in his 5th grade class.

Aw hugs to your littlest guy. Sounds a bit like it could be insecure attachment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fuggo? Is this a word the cool kids know?

It's just male incel talk.

[Anonymous]

There was a book called Popular and it broke down likeability (good popular) and mean exclusive alphas (bad popular).

Good popular are the kids that get voted for class President because they’re accomplished and friendly. Bad popular are the mean girls or bullying jocks who engineer their status by putting down others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is in 4th and there is definitely a cool group, particularly for girls. For the girls, it has nothing to do with their parents or social engineering. They're the girls who appear to be aware of their looks (not in a sexual or precocious way or anything but in more a groomed fashion way) sooner and have grasped group dynamic skills faster. I think it's mainly the group dynamics skills. I personally was late bloomer to those skills and it showed.

For the boys, it's mainly the sports bros. My own DS is not a sports bro but he's totally fine anyway.

While I am aware of this through his teacher and the school counselor (DS has ADHD and has contact with her), we're not at all concerned with it. It's all good.

I think this makes sense. I have one DD who is ASDHD and not popular although the staff love her. I have another younger DD who ever since kindergarten has been aware of clothing trends and asking me to set up playdates with her friends, gets invited to sleepovers, etc. The second one is controlling and anxious and sporty and hyper aware of social dynamics.

[Anonymous]

As a former “cool kid” I truly hope that my children will never be afflicted with that sort of BS. Being cool is not something to aspire to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a book called Popular and it broke down likeability (good popular) and mean exclusive alphas (bad popular).

Good popular are the kids that get voted for class President because they’re accomplished and friendly. Bad popular are the mean girls or bullying jocks who engineer their status by putting down others.

Wow brilliant hit needed a book to know this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you work in an elementary school, you know there definitely are "cool" kids.

I think it has to do with confidence, ease of communication, good clothes/hygiene, and general interests.

I say this as a parent of two kids who are both happy and have a lot friends, but aren't considered the "cool kids"--they are both brainy and not always confident

Yup, this is it. It’s the usual combination that makes a person “cool” at any age - good looks, being good at things, having status items (clothes, shoes, toys), & the most important, a fun personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in the minds of people like OP.

I have been to private school, my kids have been in public schools, there are no cool/popular at that age. There are in middle and high schools, but again, it's only a subset of the student population that cares about this. Most students know that popularity isn't "important". Most students want to fit in with a group and have friends. Groups are porous and overlap. The weird notion that there are "nerds" and "jocks" only exists in movies. In real like, it's very fluid.


And God help any parent who cares about this! You don't need to be "popular" or "cool" to have friends.

Amen! Every parent with middle schoolers I know says be thankful if your kid is B-squad for popularity. You don’t want your kids to be that cool in middle. It’s trouble in our area.

[Anonymous]

There is none of this who is cool and who is not cool in ES. There are small cliques that exist because their parents put them in activities together. Those parents thinking their kids are the cool kids are imagining things.