Paying for dates

[Anonymous]

I always offer to split. They rarely accept, but often we'll agree to me leaving the tip as a compromise. I don't think it radiates "we're equals" when you insist that a man pay for your time. You're not offering some valuable service. And the fact that tampons are expensive isn't the fault of the guy sitting across the table, geez. Pull up your Thinx and act like a partner, not a pet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once saw a women struggling with a baby and a heavy duffle bag while man was carrying a small backpack. They sat near me and it turned out man was recovering from a hernia.

I judged my colleague’s wife for being a process and not pulling her weight by burdening him with everything, until I found out about her chronic health issues she handled with great grace without ever complaining.

[Anonymous]

*princess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always offer to split. They rarely accept, but often we'll agree to me leaving the tip as a compromise. I don't think it radiates "we're equals" when you insist that a man pay for your time. You're not offering some valuable service. And the fact that tampons are expensive isn't the fault of the guy sitting across the table, geez. Pull up your Thinx and act like a partner, not a pet.

👏

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

If you go on dates without paying, aren't you, in your words "sav[ing] money on another person"?

DP. Spouse A bought a secondhand car which Spouse B totalled and Spouse A got mad and Spouse B had to pay back the cost of the car in installments. Is this considered stingy?

DH put my wool sweater in the laundry cycle, and it shrunk to fit our 15-pound dog. I made him buy me a new one. Who is stingy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

If you go on dates without paying, aren't you, in your words "sav[ing] money on another person"?

Not if I didn’t invite the person on a date.

[Anonymous]

I am a man and for first date I like to go dutch so that I get an idea that she is interested in meeting me as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

If you go on dates without paying, aren't you, in your words "sav[ing] money on another person"?

Not if I didn’t invite the person on a date.

If you aren't willing to pay your way to spend time with someone, just don't go. Otherwise you're saying, "it will cost you the price of dinner (or whatever) for me to spend time with you." It's honestly pretty insulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and for first date I like to go dutch so that I get an idea that she is interested in meeting me as well.

Exactly! Otherwise, she may just be in it for the meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always offered to split and never accepted a second date from a man who took me up on it. I’ve been happily married for more than ten years to a man who isn’t hurt by a $150 restaurant bill and who is generous and well mannered— all very important things to know about a potential partner up front! Every part of a date is an audition.

With all due respect, your opinion on this is invalid if you've been married for the last 10 years.

I’ll accept that feedback, though it sounds from this thread like others still follow this advice.

Here’s my logic, as a happily married person, take it for what it’s worth:

When you are dating, as a woman, you are told you will kiss a lot of frogs to find the right guy. You will hopefully also have been told by your family to know your worth and know what you want in a partner. I do not— and did not— want a partner who saves money on another person. That’s something that’s hard to know at the dating stage! Later in life you see it when a man is driving a new car every year while his wife has an old minivan, or you see an exhausted new mom whose husband objects to the cost of a baby nurse, or a man flying in business class while his wife wrangles the kids on coach. Why waste more than one date on a person like that when the universe has other people in it?

If you go on dates without paying, aren't you, in your words "sav[ing] money on another person"?

Not if I didn’t invite the person on a date.

If you aren't willing to pay your way to spend time with someone, just don't go. Otherwise you're saying, "it will cost you the price of dinner (or whatever) for me to spend time with you." It's honestly pretty insulting.

I’m married so rest assured I’m not insulting anyone by insisting they buy me dinner. My husband and I went on plenty of free dates as well— trips to museums and walks around the city when we had time. What was my billing rate/insult level then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and for first date I like to go dutch so that I get an idea that she is interested in meeting me as well.

Exactly! Otherwise, she may just be in it for the meal.

This makes no sense. She can DoorDash if she just wants a meal. The gift of time is more valuable. And again, everyone on a date is auditioning for something. What are you auditioning for? Because I assume someone stingy is out for one of those go-nowhere FWB arrangements we read about here.

[Anonymous]

Woman here- I always pay for the first date. I’m happy to surprise a man by doing it. Most are stunned. I’ve found that if we have had fun and he wants to ask for a second date then he will pick up the second check. If there is no second date because I choose not to then there’s no guilt.
Try this ladies. It’s fun to do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and for first date I like to go dutch so that I get an idea that she is interested in meeting me as well.

👌

[Anonymous]

If woman sees splitting as men being stingy, men see it as greedy and shameless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here- I always pay for the first date. I’m happy to surprise a man by doing it. Most are stunned. I’ve found that if we have had fun and he wants to ask for a second date then he will pick up the second check. If there is no second date because I choose not to then there’s no guilt.
Try this ladies. It’s fun to do!

⭐️