SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

My mom worked and same thing. She has zero interest in us. That’s ok. We live a few minutes away.

[Anonymous]

OP you don’t have to decide now that you will “never” go back. When my kids were little I didn’t think I would work again. But once they were in school all day and didn’t need me so much (around age 8) I became really bored and unhappy at home. I decided to go back to work and it was the right choice for us. I would just keep an open mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thin SAHMs are awesome. I work from home (pre-COVID even) and they're a busy bunch! My totally unfair plea is that if you're a SAHM, please make sure to lean in. Women volunteers make things happen that would never otherwise happen. They are largely able to do this bc they SAH. Pick up the slack that those WOH folks can't handle.

This feels tone deaf. So, a SAHM is supposed to fill your volunteer slots, too? Sorry,
I WOH, and very consciously pursued a path that allows me flexibility to help out at school, community events, etc. The “I’m too busy” excuse is just that -an excuse. Most schools recognize that parents work, and sign ups often have roles that can accommodate their schedules (send in a snack, help a group organize end of year party, etc). The idea that all of this happens during working hours is absurd. Quit making excuses for yourself. Things work when everyone does their part, not expecting others to pick up their slack.

Maybe it does feel tone deaf but I mean it. I both work and volunteer A LOT. I only have a certain bandwidth though. I do what I can. For those who SAH and especially if their kids are in school, I appreciate being able to take their direction if they take a volunteer leadership role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I think that is the reason that I support that parents help their children as much as they can. It is important to be able to pay for their college so that they are not burdened by student debt and also they can get a good paying job.

I think 2 income household is a choice if you cannot reign in your spending, even in DMV. Frankly, majority of people do not earn 100K a year, but DCUM pretends that it is peanuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

Don’t apologize, be proud of what you two have built together.

I mean, it’s okay to question OP’s apparent haplessness in the birth control department. There are so many damn options. One mistake, okay. Multiple mistakes? Sloppy.

Not sloppy. It happens. My OB wanted to do a study on our super fertility!

Off topic, but is “super fertility” really the term for this…? More like “body doesn’t function as expected on birth control.” What kind were you using? I’ve gotten pregnant 3 times in the first month trying and other than that have never been pregnant. So I must be pretty fertile AND my birth control has worked for 15+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

Don’t apologize, be proud of what you two have built together.

I mean, it’s okay to question OP’s apparent haplessness in the birth control department. There are so many damn options. One mistake, okay. Multiple mistakes? Sloppy.

Not sloppy. It happens. My OB wanted to do a study on our super fertility!

Off topic, but is “super fertility” really the term for this…? More like “body doesn’t function as expected on birth control.” What kind were you using? I’ve gotten pregnant 3 times in the first month trying and other than that have never been pregnant. So I must be pretty fertile AND my birth control has worked for 15+ years.

Good for you. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

They may also be infertile. Might want to find a hobby. Good luck!

DP here. Infertility runs in families and so does fertility. Someone with 5 kids does not have infertility problem and the chances are extremely rare that all 5 of their kids will want to remain childless due to choice or infertility.

Most young people will want to have kids if they have some assurance that they will be supported by their parents for childcare. I have seen that people who do not want to be parents usually had neglectful parents (usually WOHMs), smaller families and no assurance of future support.

People can adopt 5 kids genius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

Don’t apologize, be proud of what you two have built together.

I mean, it’s okay to question OP’s apparent haplessness in the birth control department. There are so many damn options. One mistake, okay. Multiple mistakes? Sloppy.

Not sloppy. It happens. My OB wanted to do a study on our super fertility!

Off topic, but is “super fertility” really the term for this…? More like “body doesn’t function as expected on birth control.” What kind were you using? I’ve gotten pregnant 3 times in the first month trying and other than that have never been pregnant. So I must be pretty fertile AND my birth control has worked for 15+ years.

See this on super fertility:

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/what-is-super-fertility-recurrent-miscarriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

They may also be infertile. Might want to find a hobby. Good luck!

DP here. Infertility runs in families and so does fertility. Someone with 5 kids does not have infertility problem and the chances are extremely rare that all 5 of their kids will want to remain childless due to choice or infertility.

Most young people will want to have kids if they have some assurance that they will be supported by their parents for childcare. I have seen that people who do not want to be parents usually had neglectful parents (usually WOHMs), smaller families and no assurance of future support.

People can adopt 5 kids genius.

OP here. But I’m my case, I did not adopt them. And both DH and I come from large families.

[Anonymous]

Good for you. I never went back into work force! My children adore me, my husband loves me and all of thank me for staying home! I was so happy to be at home. It was my first choice! Money is not everything. I loved being there for everyone and everything. I loved being the go to person. It so worked for our family, no regrets ever. And now, the grandchildren are here all the time. Sweet life!

[Anonymous]

Im super happy for all of you sahms who feel fulfilled. I wasnt working during the last year after work dried up, and i was mostly miserable. Bored, lonely, felt useless. My kids are 9 and 12. Finally i got a job after a year of trying. So far so good, one week in. I feel brain cells firing i havent used in years. Im also a but self conscious that I'm not as sharp as others or up on things in my field. But i have a new zing. I feel like i can treat myself— new purse, new jeans, new lipstick (because they can see it on zoom!). I. Am 45, but will be ready to retire maybe in 15-20 years. My husband and i make the same salary. We do need both incomes though we are fortunate to have strong savings as a cushion. It feels good to be pulling my weight financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im super happy for all of you sahms who feel fulfilled. I wasnt working during the last year after work dried up, and i was mostly miserable. Bored, lonely, felt useless. My kids are 9 and 12. Finally i got a job after a year of trying. So far so good, one week in. I feel brain cells firing i havent used in years. Im also a but self conscious that I'm not as sharp as others or up on things in my field. But i have a new zing. I feel like i can treat myself— new purse, new jeans, new lipstick (because they can see it on zoom!). I. Am 45, but will be ready to retire maybe in 15-20 years. My husband and i make the same salary. We do need both incomes though we are fortunate to have strong savings as a cushion. It feels good to be pulling my weight financially.

It’s different if you SAH by choice. Some women are actually really good at filling hours once kids go off to school. I need more structure, so I plan on going back to work. That being said, I chose to stay home and have felt mostly happy. I think a job loss is like any loss -there is a mourning and adjustment period. It seems like you went through that, realized that your situation wasn’t right for you, and found a way to change it. We all have different needs, and it sounds like you feel yours are now being met. That’s good.

[Anonymous]

Thanks— I'm the PP and I agree. If my husband made more, I’d probably relax about having to work. We each make $125k roughly. It was tight with one income living in this area eveb though we have a low mortgage payment and no other debt. We both work from home and equally share household duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you. I never went back into work force! My children adore me, my husband loves me and all of thank me for staying home! I was so happy to be at home. It was my first choice! Money is not everything. I loved being there for everyone and everything. I loved being the go to person. It so worked for our family, no regrets ever. And now, the grandchildren are here all the time. Sweet life!

It’s hunter vs gatherer thing, some women are hunters, some gatherers, others are hunter-gatherers. Everyone is different, genetic predisposition, hormones, environment and other factors aren’t same for everyone so expecting everyone to make similar choices is unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you. I never went back into work force! My children adore me, my husband loves me and all of thank me for staying home! I was so happy to be at home. It was my first choice! Money is not everything. I loved being there for everyone and everything. I loved being the go to person. It so worked for our family, no regrets ever. And now, the grandchildren are here all the time. Sweet life!

It’s hunter vs gatherer thing, some women are hunters, some gatherers, others are hunter-gatherers. Everyone is different, genetic predisposition, hormones, environment and other factors aren’t same for everyone so expecting everyone to make similar choices is unrealistic.

Yes but need of workforce pushes this agenda and manipulates feminism to get required results.