SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

Don’t apologize, be proud of what you two have built together.

I mean, it’s okay to question OP’s apparent haplessness in the birth control department. There are so many damn options. One mistake, okay. Multiple mistakes? Sloppy.

Not sloppy. It happens. My OB wanted to do a study on our super fertility!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Shouldn’t both men and women be able to choose the kind of lifestyle they want?

Sure. (Though, I feel as a woman who actually gave birth to children the toll on my body was higher.) I chose to be a SAHM, DH chose to continue to work. It works out great for us. We both get to enjoy our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I recently decided I will not return to the workforce. I’ve been a SAHM for over a decade. I never really had a fulfilling career to begin with. I was spending a lot of time trying to figure out what I could do, feeling a societal pressure to go back. DH makes plenty of money. I have some learning disabilities that always made work life hard for me. I could never be successful in that sense. I am happy and fulfilled as SAHM. Both DH and I feel like I am still needed at home even though kids are older. Our marriage is very good and he’s always been supportive of my decision to stay home.

I realize I am a throw back to the 1950s at this point. Most likely this post will get crickets or trolled. But I am wondering if there are any other women out there that have made this decision? I do think my disability makes things a little different for our situation, but still just curious. I feel we’ve made the perfectly right decision for us. Are we a total anomaly though?

Just do what is right for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

Don’t apologize, be proud of what you two have built together.

I mean, it’s okay to question OP’s apparent haplessness in the birth control department. There are so many damn options. One mistake, okay. Multiple mistakes? Sloppy.

Not sloppy. It happens. My OB wanted to do a study on our super fertility!

If it happens multiple times, it’s sloppy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's fine but make sure you get to retire too. My ex's mom was SAH and even at 80 she was cooking and cleaning while her DH just took out easy bc he was retired.

People coom because they want to eat cooked food. They clean up because they don't want to live in filth. Those of us who are employed do that stuff too. Your SAH parent 'retired ' when the youngest child left home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Do you Boo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am sorry you are getting some rude responses and I have reported them. Feminism is about choices. it does not mean every woman has to be a career superstar. You have a job, you just aren't paid. If you are cooking meals, managing the household and you are or have raised children that is a very valuable contribution to society. You do not need to justify your choices to anyone. If someone makes you feel bad about them, that is their own issues and possible jealousy speaking. I love my chosen career and can do it part time which works for our family. If you lose your situation I am happy for you. I don't think you are less than me in any way, just like I don't think the woman who works full time is better or worse. I cheer us all on and hope we all feel fulfilled.

This isn't true at all.

OP can do what she likes. I personally would probably have done the same in her circumstances.

It has nothing to do with feminism though, and I really wish that by now women knew better than to think "feminism means I can do what I like!" It's idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

How many is "many"? My good friend is one of five kids. None has had children yet. One of the men still might, I suppose, but their parents have both died already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

They may also be infertile. Might want to find a hobby. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

They may also be infertile. Might want to find a hobby. Good luck!

DP here. Infertility runs in families and so does fertility. Someone with 5 kids does not have infertility problem and the chances are extremely rare that all 5 of their kids will want to remain childless due to choice or infertility.

Most young people will want to have kids if they have some assurance that they will be supported by their parents for childcare. I have seen that people who do not want to be parents usually had neglectful parents (usually WOHMs), smaller families and no assurance of future support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

They may also be infertile. Might want to find a hobby. Good luck!

Are you wishing this? You sound like you have issues. Even if they don’t have grandchildren, I will be happy. Sounds like you have trouble with achieving happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friends brother has a wife with a number of learning disabilities. She ended up working in event planning for her city and really enjoyed it. So I would say make this decision on what is best for you and what you want for your life.

I will caution you. My mother stayed at home. She was so done with me and my sister that she won't talk to either of us really and wants nothing to do with her grandkids. Her stance is, she raised her kids and she is Done! She does have a rich life involving interior design and ladies groups. I haven't seen her in years and it had nothing to do with covid but the fact the kids are small and we can't afford plane tickets to go see her. Think about how you might feel long term about your kids and grandkids as they age.

Op here. Oh my god your mom sounds awful. I adore my children. And I can’t wait to be there for my grandkids!

Your kids may choose to be childfree.

I have many kids. Someone will have grandchildren.

They may also be infertile. Might want to find a hobby. Good luck!

You sound bitter.

[Anonymous]

Now that we're all working at home, how does the "I want to be there when my kids get home from school" thing make sense?