Why are people so weirdly mean and competitive on this forum in particular ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s caused by disappointment in their kids and maybe themselves. It causes a lot of scapegoating and ill-will toward those who succeeded in getting into the coveted schools.

There is also an anti-intellectual movement among the right-wing conservatives which causes them to troll here even if they don’t have college-aged kids.

I thought it was a liberal thing, no?

You think the anti-intellectual movement is LIBERAL? Oh, sweetie.

Oh yes it is, at least for the recent movements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everyone would just tell it like it is we’d all be good. Your kid can’t get into a top 20, cool, just own it and say she’s going to a solid state school because that’s the best she can do. Nobody is gonna have a problem with that. Just don’t sent them to a CTCL school and talk about “fit” and how they’re better than top 20 and that’s why you chose it. What you really mean by “fit” is “fit for a top 20 reject who you’re too embarrassed to send to a state school.”

Decent people should all commit to reporting posts like this every time you post these. These posts are not helpful in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don’t get is the certainty people have about quality of schools. Unless you have attended more than one, there’s no way you can honestly compare one against another. The splitting of hairs of Cornell over Brown or whatever is so stupid.

OMG!!!! Thank you. And, presumably these debaters think they’re qualified to attend such schools. Otherwise, why the interest? Ironically, such “smart” people are missing the forest for the trees. If I was on an Ivy admissions team and heard these people debate, they wouldn’t get admitted because they lack good judgment.

Neither of you two have met the people debating these topics so how can you honestly have an opinion on the opinion of others. You are so stupid.

I reported this because you directly called another poster stupid. Regular people here should commit to reporting posts like this as quickly as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone would just tell it like it is we’d all be good. Your kid can’t get into a top 20, cool, just own it and say she’s going to a solid state school because that’s the best she can do. Nobody is gonna have a problem with that. Just don’t sent them to a CTCL school and talk about “fit” and how they’re better than top 20 and that’s why you chose it. What you really mean by “fit” is “fit for a top 20 reject who you’re too embarrassed to send to a state school.”

Decent people should all commit to reporting posts like this every time you post these. These posts are not helpful in any way.

I'm a DP from who you're responding to, but I don't think that comment is grounds for reporting. People are allowed to have opinions, as long as they are not communicated in a way that is genuinely harmful or needlessly rude. Bluntness is not grounds for censorship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone would just tell it like it is we’d all be good. Your kid can’t get into a top 20, cool, just own it and say she’s going to a solid state school because that’s the best she can do. Nobody is gonna have a problem with that. Just don’t sent them to a CTCL school and talk about “fit” and how they’re better than top 20 and that’s why you chose it. What you really mean by “fit” is “fit for a top 20 reject who you’re too embarrassed to send to a state school.”

Decent people should all commit to reporting posts like this every time you post these. These posts are not helpful in any way.

I'm a DP from who you're responding to, but I don't think that comment is grounds for reporting. People are allowed to have opinions, as long as they are not communicated in a way that is genuinely harmful or needlessly rude. Bluntness is not grounds for censorship.

DP. Jeff can decide. He does not want nastiness in his forum and has made that clear. There is no "censorship" when it is a private forum run by an individual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it’s really alarming to me. What do you get from berating a family or young adult and their choices, etc? It’s awful.

I still think it’s the product of a message board manipulation program. Some neuro linguistic programming school sends the students here to practice trolling and getting us into silly fights. But I’m really gullible and take the bait, even though I know the fisher person has never seen a college outside Southern Asia, the Balkans, the former Soviet Union, or some town near a Republican grassroots marketing firm office.

Uh… do you really believe this? That’s some highfalutin conspiracy-making right there.

There are high-level, past and current federal officials who use this site, or were using it a few years ago. Why wouldn’t Internet Research Agency type agencies try to hack and disrupt it?

Why would Russia flood Twitter and Facebook and ignore a site that attracts people who’ve had security clearances and doesn’t even require people to get user names and passwords?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where a kid goes to college is social capitol for a parent. Its why parents are willing to spend thousands on counseling, tutoring, and test prep. A dad in Bethesda knows his smart son will be successful at UMD, but he won't be able to brag about that to his friends so he becomes over invested in the college admissions process. On the flip side, this creates this weird insecurity among parents when it comes to their kid's grades and admissions prospects. So, they come to pages like this to rant and attack each other. I saw this dynamic first hand as a high school senior at a wealthier, competitive high school. If i had to guess, half of the posts here are just insecure parents making up stories about how their 1590 sat kid is going to Yale, etc. It is embarrassing.

Social capital on this site tends to be Ivy or bust, but IRL sending kid to a cushy, full price private without discussion of ranking is the bigger flex. E.g. my aunt loved to talk about the apple butter you get near Kenyon, something else for Colby, etc. Cousins are now done and settled into working life, no bragging beyond pics of nice houses and cute babies.

Bingo. The trolls and peon strivers on here just make me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone would just tell it like it is we’d all be good. Your kid can’t get into a top 20, cool, just own it and say she’s going to a solid state school because that’s the best she can do. Nobody is gonna have a problem with that. Just don’t sent them to a CTCL school and talk about “fit” and how they’re better than top 20 and that’s why you chose it. What you really mean by “fit” is “fit for a top 20 reject who you’re too embarrassed to send to a state school.”

Decent people should all commit to reporting posts like this every time you post these. These posts are not helpful in any way.

I'm a DP from who you're responding to, but I don't think that comment is grounds for reporting. People are allowed to have opinions, as long as they are not communicated in a way that is genuinely harmful or needlessly rude. Bluntness is not grounds for censorship.

DP, but how is that last sentence anything but needlessly rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where a kid goes to college is social capitol for a parent. Its why parents are willing to spend thousands on counseling, tutoring, and test prep. A dad in Bethesda knows his smart son will be successful at UMD, but he won't be able to brag about that to his friends so he becomes over invested in the college admissions process. On the flip side, this creates this weird insecurity among parents when it comes to their kid's grades and admissions prospects. So, they come to pages like this to rant and attack each other. I saw this dynamic first hand as a high school senior at a wealthier, competitive high school. If i had to guess, half of the posts here are just insecure parents making up stories about how their 1590 sat kid is going to Yale, etc. It is embarrassing.

Social capital on this site tends to be Ivy or bust, but IRL sending kid to a cushy, full price private without discussion of ranking is the bigger flex. E.g. my aunt loved to talk about the apple butter you get near Kenyon, something else for Colby, etc. Cousins are now done and settled into working life, no bragging beyond pics of nice houses and cute babies.

??? So the cousins, who have been successful enough to own nice homes and produce cute babies (neither a small feat in this day and age), are really just mediocre b/c of their mediocre colleges and the aunt can no longer brag about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone would just tell it like it is we’d all be good. Your kid can’t get into a top 20, cool, just own it and say she’s going to a solid state school because that’s the best she can do. Nobody is gonna have a problem with that. Just don’t sent them to a CTCL school and talk about “fit” and how they’re better than top 20 and that’s why you chose it. What you really mean by “fit” is “fit for a top 20 reject who you’re too embarrassed to send to a state school.”

Decent people should all commit to reporting posts like this every time you post these. These posts are not helpful in any way.

I'm a DP from who you're responding to, but I don't think that comment is grounds for reporting. People are allowed to have opinions, as long as they are not communicated in a way that is genuinely harmful or needlessly rude. Bluntness is not grounds for censorship.

DP, but how is that last sentence anything but needlessly rude?

DP. Not only needlessly rude, but inaccurate.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea OP. There are many paths to life. Why people have to shit on other people is beyond me. If you have info or a point of view -- make it. But no one's choice is entirely right or entirely wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where a kid goes to college is social capitol for a parent. Its why parents are willing to spend thousands on counseling, tutoring, and test prep. A dad in Bethesda knows his smart son will be successful at UMD, but he won't be able to brag about that to his friends so he becomes over invested in the college admissions process. On the flip side, this creates this weird insecurity among parents when it comes to their kid's grades and admissions prospects. So, they come to pages like this to rant and attack each other. I saw this dynamic first hand as a high school senior at a wealthier, competitive high school. If i had to guess, half of the posts here are just insecure parents making up stories about how their 1590 sat kid is going to Yale, etc. It is embarrassing.

Social capital on this site tends to be Ivy or bust, but IRL sending kid to a cushy, full price private without discussion of ranking is the bigger flex. E.g. my aunt loved to talk about the apple butter you get near Kenyon, something else for Colby, etc. Cousins are now done and settled into working life, no bragging beyond pics of nice houses and cute babies.

??? So the cousins, who have been successful enough to own nice homes and produce cute babies (neither a small feat in this day and age), are really just mediocre b/c of their mediocre colleges and the aunt can no longer brag about them?

Wooosh

[Anonymous]

Op here. So the irony of this thread which became weirdly mean….

[Anonymous]

I'm kind of astounded by not only the bragging but the put downs here regarding where kids are going to college. It just shows a lot of privilege and insensitivity, to me. It's great to be proud of your kid's achievement, but why the need to denigrate other parents or their kid's school?

The social posturing of some on this board really makes me sad. Like, how great, sincerely, that your kid got into X top school, but how sad that you're a jerk to other people whose kid did not.

I was one of the first in my family to have the opportunity to attend college. I had little help in the college preparation and selection process - I was just (and still am) so grateful that I was able to go at all.

I have two children. One had the grades, scores and a resume that brought a little interest from top schools - there is a small chance he would have been accepted at an Ivy or top 20 had he applied, the standard "crap shoot" chance that a lot of very high achieving kids have when applying to an exceedingly selective university. He was interested in art schools, and that is where he applied and ended up, with no regrets.

Other child struggled greatly with mental health during high school. Hospitalizations. Fears for this child's well being. Did not have the grades or stamina for anywhere close to a top level anything university. Our focus was treatment, wellbeing, then academics. He pulled it together with a lot of help and effort by his senior year, and was accepted to a number of colleges. Many here scoff at the word "fit" but you can bet that we paid a LOT of attention to "fit" for this kid. Yes, things like did the school have a strong department in their chosen major, but also things like how are the mental health services on campus, distance from home, the atmosphere on campus, support services, etc. were all far more critical to our child's success and well being than the school's national ranking or what the folks at the country club thought of it. We are grateful to have found a smaller, far less prestigious school where our son, thankfully, has been able to thrive.

Not everyone is looking at an Ivy League school for their child. Some of us are thankful, for a variety of reasons, to have a kid in community college, or a "bottom" 50% school, or the local non-flagship university. And it's a shame that there are posters here who seem to be so gleeful in mocking those schools, those students, and those families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So the irony of this thread which became weirdly mean….

Yep. But if you want an antidote, check out this thread on college acceptances -- all cheering for acceptances to a wide variety of schools. I checked it all the time while my kid was waiting for EA and ED news and it was always uplifting to see everyone celebrating someone else's success. I hope that thread keeps going through the rest of this year's admissions season.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1000404.page