Told brother to keep his girlfriend aka mistress at home for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DH was previously married. We met 2 years post divorce.
His family chose his exwife side during the divorce.
By the time I started dating him, exwife had a boyfriend as well and was pulling away from her exILs. Today, they have no interaction.
Once we were married, ILs tried to cozy back up with their son. It was too late. They burned that bridge.
Be careful what you do, OP. I get that you like exwife, but she isn’t family.

I have a brother who is divorced and I was very close to my former SIL. She is family and always will be in my eyes even though they are divorced. Just because someone is blood doesn't automatically mean you should take their side or they they are in the right.

Here’s the thing - with siblings, you can disagree with their actions and behaviors (affair, substance abuse, etc.) but you should still “have their back”.
It’s fine to maintain a relationship with the exSIL. But choosing her side publicly and vocally and punishing the sibling will destroy whatever relationship you have with your sibling.

Yeah but what about the relationship with OP's nieces/nephews? They aren't talking to their dad and this acceptance could really hurt them. Why do brother's feelings trump their feelings? They are family too.

But they aren’t going to be there. If they were, it’s a different discussion.

No, they aren't going for thanksgiving. But no one said anything about Christmas, and even then they will KNOW she was invited with their dad and the family welcomed her. Setting a precedent for future holidays. It's too soon. Let the kids lead the way. I'm Team OP.

The kids have no say into an invitation to an event they aren’t going to.

Oh FFS. It's not about who is physically there. It's about the action of inviting both brother and girlfriend. If you can't see how this is hurtful, I can't explain any more to you.

This isn’t their first holiday post breakup. If it was, the advice may be different.
Divorces can take 2-3 years to finalize. MD and VA require 12 months separation before you can file, and then it can take 2-6 months to process.
Take into account fighting over assets… looking at 2-3 years.

The kids still aren't talking to their dad (the brother). This says a lot to me about the situation, plus the fact that OP isn't ready. Sounds like brother, and possibly mistress, did a bunch of shady stuff and no one is ready to become the Brady bunch yet. His feelings shouldn't get more consideration than the rest of the family.

Forgot to add that HIS OWN MOM doesn't want the girlfriend at her house either. When everyone is against you....is the problem you or everyone else? Hmmm.

Then don’t invite him at all. Obviously you guys have all chosen the exwife and it’s best to just completely disown him than to pretend that you haven’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again. This is not a loyalty test.

It’s the kids’ issues to work out their own feelings about. It is not your job to be a party to that. You don’t need to own that.

I suspect that your feelings about your brother go beyond the situation and you don’t even like him anyway.

I really hope you don't have nieces and nephews, and if you do, I feel sorry for them. Same if you have kids. Yuck.

I absolutely love my nieces and nephews. If my brother cheated and they were mad at him, I would really feel for them and absolutely understand their feelings. But I wouldn’t disown my brother over it.
If you cannot understand that a rift between husband/wife or parent/child should not be extended to others in the family, I cannot help you.
With family, it’s is best to not inject yourself into a strained relationship and make it worse than it already is.
This is not a loyalty test. You can feel bad for the kids and the awful situation, and still invite brother and girlfriend to an event that those kids won’t even be at. In fact, that might help the kids to start accepting the new girlfriend. They don’t have to love her or want to spend time with her, but at least recognize she is their dad’s GF.

You are royally screwed up. This is none of OP's business to do and the fact that you would suggest it is a good idea is appalling. You are a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH was previously married. We met 2 years post divorce.
His family chose his exwife side during the divorce.
By the time I started dating him, exwife had a boyfriend as well and was pulling away from her exILs. Today, they have no interaction.
Once we were married, ILs tried to cozy back up with their son. It was too late. They burned that bridge.
Be careful what you do, OP. I get that you like exwife, but she isn’t family.

I have a brother who is divorced and I was very close to my former SIL. She is family and always will be in my eyes even though they are divorced. Just because someone is blood doesn't automatically mean you should take their side or they they are in the right.

Here’s the thing - with siblings, you can disagree with their actions and behaviors (affair, substance abuse, etc.) but you should still “have their back”.
It’s fine to maintain a relationship with the exSIL. But choosing her side publicly and vocally and punishing the sibling will destroy whatever relationship you have with your sibling.

Yeah but what about the relationship with OP's nieces/nephews? They aren't talking to their dad and this acceptance could really hurt them. Why do brother's feelings trump their feelings? They are family too.

But they aren’t going to be there. If they were, it’s a different discussion.

No, they aren't going for thanksgiving. But no one said anything about Christmas, and even then they will KNOW she was invited with their dad and the family welcomed her. Setting a precedent for future holidays. It's too soon. Let the kids lead the way. I'm Team OP.

The kids have no say into an invitation to an event they aren’t going to.

Oh FFS. It's not about who is physically there. It's about the action of inviting both brother and girlfriend. If you can't see how this is hurtful, I can't explain any more to you.

This isn’t their first holiday post breakup. If it was, the advice may be different.
Divorces can take 2-3 years to finalize. MD and VA require 12 months separation before you can file, and then it can take 2-6 months to process.
Take into account fighting over assets… looking at 2-3 years.

The kids still aren't talking to their dad (the brother). This says a lot to me about the situation, plus the fact that OP isn't ready. Sounds like brother, and possibly mistress, did a bunch of shady stuff and no one is ready to become the Brady bunch yet. His feelings shouldn't get more consideration than the rest of the family.

Forgot to add that HIS OWN MOM doesn't want the girlfriend at her house either. When everyone is against you....is the problem you or everyone else? Hmmm.

Then don’t invite him at all. Obviously you guys have all chosen the exwife and it’s best to just completely disown him than to pretend that you haven’t.

Well it's too late for that isn't it? We wouldn't want OP to go back on her word. Let the brother decide what to do based on the information he's been given and go from there.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She is just his GF, official nor not. She's not his wife nor fiancee. She could be gone tomorrow.

He made his choice, and now he has to face the consequences from his family (she's not invited to family event).

You made your choice of not inviting her. Prepare to face your consequence from him.

You're not wrong, OP. Stand your ground.

She is wrong. She stated in her original post:

We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her.

OP moved the line she had drawn. Probably hoped the AP would go away, but didn’t.
For the divorce to be final, well over a year has passed since he left his wife. OP needs to get over it. It wasn’t her marriage.

She can change her mind if she isn't ready. Let me guess, you're the other woman and feel there is nothing wrong with your behavior?

Love how anyone that supports the brother is automatically categorized as the OW.
I have a brother that has messed up plenty in his life, including an affair. I disagree with his actions, but at the end of the day he is and always will be my brother. I can’t imagine purposely not inviting his GF as a way to punish him for his affair. Childish and petty.

If brother's kids don't support the relationship, as an aunt, I would have their back first and foremost. Kids come first in this situation. Everyone else has to deal with the repercussions. Including brother and his girlfriend.

But the kids are not going to be there. Their relationship with their dad between them. Not for aunts and uncles to take sides and inject themselves into it. That only creates more drama and tension.

If you are bringing your side piece to my home, then it is my concern. I'm not 'injecting' myself into anything. The brother is the drama queen here.

The AP is now GF. It’s been over a year. How long does the grudge go on?

As long as it takes. Do you tell people experiencing grief to get over it, they've grieved enough? A year is not a long time.

For those actually impacted, yes, it can take time. But for those offended on behalf of others, it’s past time to move on.

Says the mistress ready to move in.

not the mistress. Love how that’s seems how OP always deflects people that don’t agree with her.

[Anonymous]

But what happens if girlfriend gets married and has kids with him? I think you’re in the wrong. I also think you have no place ever talking to your ex SIL ever again. You need to choose your brothers side. I loved my BIL but when they got divorced we never contacted him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

No ,I think you are confusing it with others who support OP, like me.

[Anonymous]

Wow, Karen, you took a stand. You're the baddest b1tch in the whole juice bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is just his GF, official nor not. She's not his wife nor fiancee. She could be gone tomorrow.

He made his choice, and now he has to face the consequences from his family (she's not invited to family event).

You made your choice of not inviting her. Prepare to face your consequence from him.

You're not wrong, OP. Stand your ground.

She is wrong. She stated in her original post:

We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her.

OP moved the line she had drawn. Probably hoped the AP would go away, but didn’t.
For the divorce to be final, well over a year has passed since he left his wife. OP needs to get over it. It wasn’t her marriage.

She can change her mind if she isn't ready. Let me guess, you're the other woman and feel there is nothing wrong with your behavior?

Love how anyone that supports the brother is automatically categorized as the OW.
I have a brother that has messed up plenty in his life, including an affair. I disagree with his actions, but at the end of the day he is and always will be my brother. I can’t imagine purposely not inviting his GF as a way to punish him for his affair. Childish and petty.

If brother's kids don't support the relationship, as an aunt, I would have their back first and foremost. Kids come first in this situation. Everyone else has to deal with the repercussions. Including brother and his girlfriend.

But the kids are not going to be there. Their relationship with their dad between them. Not for aunts and uncles to take sides and inject themselves into it. That only creates more drama and tension.

If you are bringing your side piece to my home, then it is my concern. I'm not 'injecting' myself into anything. The brother is the drama queen here.

The AP is now GF. It’s been over a year. How long does the grudge go on?

As long as it takes. Do you tell people experiencing grief to get over it, they've grieved enough? A year is not a long time.

For those actually impacted, yes, it can take time. But for those offended on behalf of others, it’s past time to move on.

Says the mistress ready to move in.

not the mistress. Love how that’s seems how OP always deflects people that don’t agree with her.

I am most definitely not OP - please ask Jeff if you need assurances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

I am not OP and have responded a few times in favor of OP. It's obvious there are some side pieces in here appalled that they might get judged for their roles in the breakup of a family and flabbergasted that they might not be greeted with open arms into their two-timing boyfriend's family. That guy is no prize and not worth half this drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is just his GF, official nor not. She's not his wife nor fiancee. She could be gone tomorrow.

He made his choice, and now he has to face the consequences from his family (she's not invited to family event).

You made your choice of not inviting her. Prepare to face your consequence from him.

You're not wrong, OP. Stand your ground.

She is wrong. She stated in her original post:

We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her.

OP moved the line she had drawn. Probably hoped the AP would go away, but didn’t.
For the divorce to be final, well over a year has passed since he left his wife. OP needs to get over it. It wasn’t her marriage.

She can change her mind if she isn't ready. Let me guess, you're the other woman and feel there is nothing wrong with your behavior?

Love how anyone that supports the brother is automatically categorized as the OW.
I have a brother that has messed up plenty in his life, including an affair. I disagree with his actions, but at the end of the day he is and always will be my brother. I can’t imagine purposely not inviting his GF as a way to punish him for his affair. Childish and petty.

If brother's kids don't support the relationship, as an aunt, I would have their back first and foremost. Kids come first in this situation. Everyone else has to deal with the repercussions. Including brother and his girlfriend.

But the kids are not going to be there. Their relationship with their dad between them. Not for aunts and uncles to take sides and inject themselves into it. That only creates more drama and tension.

If you are bringing your side piece to my home, then it is my concern. I'm not 'injecting' myself into anything. The brother is the drama queen here.

The AP is now GF. It’s been over a year. How long does the grudge go on?

As long as it takes. Do you tell people experiencing grief to get over it, they've grieved enough? A year is not a long time.

For those actually impacted, yes, it can take time. But for those offended on behalf of others, it’s past time to move on.

An extended family is not impacted? You have some strange views on this. I wonder why.

I wonder why your so invested with the exwife. Do you fear your husband may leave you?
My parents divorced when I was a teenager. I didn’t speak to my dad for a year. Eventually I got over it. Ultimately, my sister looked up to AP as role model. I never did, but she was a good woman that stuck with my dad until he died.
You know what didn’t help? Aunts and uncles taking sides. It wasn’t their home that was destroyed. They had no idea what actually happened, but they felt a need to take sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, Karen, you took a stand. You're the baddest b1tch in the whole juice bar.

This is what defeat looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is just his GF, official nor not. She's not his wife nor fiancee. She could be gone tomorrow.

He made his choice, and now he has to face the consequences from his family (she's not invited to family event).

You made your choice of not inviting her. Prepare to face your consequence from him.

You're not wrong, OP. Stand your ground.

She is wrong. She stated in her original post:

We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her.

OP moved the line she had drawn. Probably hoped the AP would go away, but didn’t.
For the divorce to be final, well over a year has passed since he left his wife. OP needs to get over it. It wasn’t her marriage.

She can change her mind if she isn't ready. Let me guess, you're the other woman and feel there is nothing wrong with your behavior?

Love how anyone that supports the brother is automatically categorized as the OW.
I have a brother that has messed up plenty in his life, including an affair. I disagree with his actions, but at the end of the day he is and always will be my brother. I can’t imagine purposely not inviting his GF as a way to punish him for his affair. Childish and petty.

If brother's kids don't support the relationship, as an aunt, I would have their back first and foremost. Kids come first in this situation. Everyone else has to deal with the repercussions. Including brother and his girlfriend.

But the kids are not going to be there. Their relationship with their dad between them. Not for aunts and uncles to take sides and inject themselves into it. That only creates more drama and tension.

If you are bringing your side piece to my home, then it is my concern. I'm not 'injecting' myself into anything. The brother is the drama queen here.

The AP is now GF. It’s been over a year. How long does the grudge go on?

As long as it takes. Do you tell people experiencing grief to get over it, they've grieved enough? A year is not a long time.

For those actually impacted, yes, it can take time. But for those offended on behalf of others, it’s past time to move on.

An extended family is not impacted? You have some strange views on this. I wonder why.

I wonder why your so invested with the exwife. Do you fear your husband may leave you?
My parents divorced when I was a teenager. I didn’t speak to my dad for a year. Eventually I got over it. Ultimately, my sister looked up to AP as role model. I never did, but she was a good woman that stuck with my dad until he died.
You know what didn’t help? Aunts and uncles taking sides. It wasn’t their home that was destroyed. They had no idea what actually happened, but they felt a need to take sides.

I would resent my brother dictating who he can bring to my house. I currently like his wife more than him so the choice would be easy for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

I am not OP and have responded a few times in favor of OP. It's obvious there are some side pieces in here appalled that they might get judged for their roles in the breakup of a family and flabbergasted that they might not be greeted with open arms into their two-timing boyfriend's family. That guy is no prize and not worth half this drama.

Again, you don’t have to be a “side piece” to see OP is wrong.
My dad had multiple affairs, and I am AGAINST the OP.
It wasn’t her marriage. She shouldn’t be taking sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I can't believe how many people are supporting you on this. Whatever you think of how they got there, this is your brother's romantic partner. It is what it is, and you need to start moving towards the new normal. You will lose your relationship with him if you hold this line.

I will add that no one except your brother and the ex really knows what went down in their relationship.

OP is responding, but not stating she is OP.

I am not OP and have responded a few times in favor of OP. It's obvious there are some side pieces in here appalled that they might get judged for their roles in the breakup of a family and flabbergasted that they might not be greeted with open arms into their two-timing boyfriend's family. That guy is no prize and not worth half this drama.

Again, you don’t have to be a “side piece” to see OP is wrong.
My dad had multiple affairs, and I am AGAINST the OP.
It wasn’t her marriage. She shouldn’t be taking sides.

It's her house - she can invite who she wants. OP is not wrong.