Told brother to keep his girlfriend aka mistress at home for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to know if I am out of line here. My brother left his now ex wife for another woman. In our family we refer to her as the mistress or side piece. We are still very fond of SIL and have stayed in touch and maintained a friendship.

We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her.

I am hosting TG this year and mom is hosting Christmas. We told bro she is not invited and to leave her at home. I was kind of condescending when I told him. He said she is his girlfriend and we have no business banning her from family events. He says his kids barely speak to him and have refused to meet her and he has no choice but to accept their stance but we should be more supportive since we are his family.

I don't think a family holiday is an appropriate venue to meet her. There would be a tension there. Bro is lucky he is still invited to family events. Are we in the wrong for not letting her attend since he is now divorced and his official GF. *gag*

How do you get to see his kids without dealing with the girlfriend? I would not burn bridges and cut off nieces and nephews. And while I completely get how you feel, you just need to move on in general. Stay friends with his ex, but don't exclude the new girlfriend. You don't have to be best buddies with her. Just polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't like it he can host or go to his GF's house. It's the same as telling someone to leave their dog at home; they're not welcome.

Sure, comparing the new woman in his life to a dog will go well.
I mean, sure OP and mom are within their rights, but for what purpose, to what end?
How is this punishment going to help the kids? For how long will he be ostracized? If the goal is to have him cut them off, then It’s a great idea.

[Anonymous]

There would only be tension at Thanksgiving if the new girlfriend came IF YOU CREATED IT.

You are in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

If you want to lose your relationship with your brother do exactly what you are doing right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I don't think a family holiday is an appropriate venue to meet her. " The divorce has been final a few months now. You originally said she was not welcome until the divorce was final. You admit you refuse to meet her.


SHE WAS NOT MARRIED TO SIL! She did not break the vows. She did not bust up the family. Your brother is the one who messed up (like so many do) yet he is welcome?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Exactly this. Unless you are prepared to cut your brother out of your life, you had better start acting like a mature adult. I can understand your stance while they were still legally married, but that is over. He has moved on with his life. If you want to be in his life and for him to be in your life, you need to meet and be cordial to the person he chooses to share his life with.

Grow up.

-Happily married for 10 years and have never cheated, so don't bother accusing me of being a "mistress"

+1. You’ve made your point. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Absolutely not. He bears far, far more responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Exactly this. Unless you are prepared to cut your brother out of your life, you had better start acting like a mature adult. I can understand your stance while they were still legally married, but that is over. He has moved on with his life. If you want to be in his life and for him to be in your life, you need to meet and be cordial to the person he chooses to share his life with.

Grow up.

-Happily married for 10 years and have never cheated, so don't bother accusing me of being a "mistress"

+1. You’ve made your point. Time to move on.

This was the first post I made on this thread. I agreed with someone else. I'm sorry you don't like that multiple people don't agree with you. That said, I have nothing more to add, but know I'll be eating my popcorn and watching you act like a spoilt child.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are related to him not to her. That is why he is still invited to family events. His kids live with his ex wife. They are older and have their own cars. We don't have to deal with my brother to maintain a relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Exactly this. Unless you are prepared to cut your brother out of your life, you had better start acting like a mature adult. I can understand your stance while they were still legally married, but that is over. He has moved on with his life. If you want to be in his life and for him to be in your life, you need to meet and be cordial to the person he chooses to share his life with.

Grow up.

-Happily married for 10 years and have never cheated, so don't bother accusing me of being a "mistress"

+1. You’ve made your point. Time to move on.

This was the first post I made on this thread. I agreed with someone else. I'm sorry you don't like that multiple people don't agree with you. That said, I have nothing more to add, but know I'll be eating my popcorn and watching you act like a spoilt child.

I'm sorry, I misread: I thought you were accusing me of posting my opinion on the matter more than once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Exactly this. Unless you are prepared to cut your brother out of your life, you had better start acting like a mature adult. I can understand your stance while they were still legally married, but that is over. He has moved on with his life. If you want to be in his life and for him to be in your life, you need to meet and be cordial to the person he chooses to share his life with.

Grow up.

-Happily married for 10 years and have never cheated, so don't bother accusing me of being a "mistress"

+1. You’ve made your point. Time to move on.

This was the first post I made on this thread. I agreed with someone else. I'm sorry you don't like that multiple people don't agree with you. That said, I have nothing more to add, but know I'll be eating my popcorn and watching you act like a spoilt child.

DP but I think you're confused - everyone above you was agreeing with each other ("Exactly this." "+1")

[Anonymous]

My DH was previously married. We met 2 years post divorce.
His family chose his exwife side during the divorce.
By the time I started dating him, exwife had a boyfriend as well and was pulling away from her exILs. Today, they have no interaction.
Once we were married, ILs tried to cozy back up with their son. It was too late. They burned that bridge.
Be careful what you do, OP. I get that you like exwife, but she isn’t family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship.

Exactly this. Unless you are prepared to cut your brother out of your life, you had better start acting like a mature adult. I can understand your stance while they were still legally married, but that is over. He has moved on with his life. If you want to be in his life and for him to be in your life, you need to meet and be cordial to the person he chooses to share his life with.

Grow up.

-Happily married for 10 years and have never cheated, so don't bother accusing me of being a "mistress"

+1. You’ve made your point. Time to move on.

This was the first post I made on this thread. I agreed with someone else. I'm sorry you don't like that multiple people don't agree with you. That said, I have nothing more to add, but know I'll be eating my popcorn and watching you act like a spoilt child.

Wow, did you read that wrong. The PP was speaking to the PP, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH was previously married. We met 2 years post divorce.
His family chose his exwife side during the divorce.
By the time I started dating him, exwife had a boyfriend as well and was pulling away from her exILs. Today, they have no interaction.
Once we were married, ILs tried to cozy back up with their son. It was too late. They burned that bridge.
Be careful what you do, OP. I get that you like exwife, but she isn’t family.

Well when it is your niece’s mom, she kind of is, right? Not like a brother but she isn’t nothing to OP’s family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are related to him not to her. That is why he is still invited to family events. His kids live with his ex wife. They are older and have their own cars. We don't have to deal with my brother to maintain a relationship with them.

It was NOT your marriage. Why are you making it about you?