Told brother to keep his girlfriend aka mistress at home for the holidays.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I need to know if I am out of line here. My brother left his now ex wife for another woman. In our family we refer to her as the mistress or side piece. We are still very fond of SIL and have stayed in touch and maintained a friendship.
We always took the stance the mistress was not welcome at family functions until after his divorce was final. His divorce has been final since early summer but we still don't want the mistress around and have refused to meet her. I am hosting TG this year and mom is hosting Christmas. We told bro she is not invited and to leave her at home. I was kind of condescending when I told him. He said she is his girlfriend and we have no business banning her from family events. He says his kids barely speak to him and have refused to meet her and he has no choice but to accept their stance but we should be more supportive since we are his family. I don't think a family holiday is an appropriate venue to meet her. There would be a tension there. Bro is lucky he is still invited to family events. Are we in the wrong for not letting her attend since he is now divorced and his official GF. *gag* |
Anonymous
| Why are you treating the GF that way, but not your brother? They were equal partners in the end of your brother's marriage. It seems misogynistic to hold the whole thing against the female in the relationship. |
Anonymous
|
I mean, it's gross but she's his life now so I'd just try to get over it.
Are you inviting (former) SIL? If you really want to pick her over him, then invite her and disinvite him. |
Anonymous
| I don’t know the right answer but boy do I see where you are coming from. |
Anonymous
She will be spending the holidays this year with her family in another state. I wish she and the kids were joining us. |
Anonymous
|
I think you are out of line.
|
Anonymous
I think it’s a little different because he is family and she isn’t (yet). But there does seem to be less antipathy toward the brother in law than is warranted based on how much OP dislikes the OW. |
Anonymous
Well, you lied to him. You said you didn't want her around until his divorce was final. Now you say you don't ever want to meet her or host her. So you are wrong for that. I think you should tell him, "I'm still really upset with you for the way you ended your marriage and I judge GF for her role in it. She's in your life and I see that, but I don't want to be upset about this over Christmas and I doubt you want to bring her to a place where everyone is cold to her either. Let's give it another 6 months for tempers to cool." |
Anonymous
|
Are you willing to lose your relationship with your brother over this? Because that is where this line of thinking leads. If you force him to choose between her and you, he will choose her. He already chose her over his wife and kids.
I get it. My dad left my mom for an affair partner who became my de facto step mother for 10 years. I was tempted to cut him off entirely, and then went the route of only seeing him without her. Eventually, though, she was just a part of his life I could not deny if I wanted to keep him in mine. So, I sucked it up. I never became friends with her or really had any sort of relationship with her, but I learned to tolerate her and be civil. Eventually, she dumped him, and I was glad to still have him in my life (as deeply flawed as he clearly is). |
Anonymous
| If he doesn't like it he can host or go to his GF's house. It's the same as telling someone to leave their dog at home; they're not welcome. |
Anonymous
Exactly this. Unless you are prepared to cut your brother out of your life, you had better start acting like a mature adult. I can understand your stance while they were still legally married, but that is over. He has moved on with his life. If you want to be in his life and for him to be in your life, you need to meet and be cordial to the person he chooses to share his life with. Grow up. -Happily married for 10 years and have never cheated, so don't bother accusing me of being a "mistress" |
Anonymous
| Not out of line, OP. My father did this to my sibling and I. You should disinvite him as well and make sure his kids know they’re welcome to your place for the holiday. |
Anonymous
This. I love my two siblings too much to choose their former spouse over them or hold a grudge, especially over a choice I may not agree with but does not direct affect me. Family is family. My siblings have been there from the beginning and we'll be there for each other until the end. |
Anonymous
|
"I don't think a family holiday is an appropriate venue to meet her. " The divorce has been final a few months now. You originally said she was not welcome until the divorce was final. You admit you refuse to meet her.
SHE WAS NOT MARRIED TO SIL! She did not break the vows. She did not bust up the family. Your brother is the one who messed up (like so many do) yet he is welcome? |
Anonymous
For how op said his kids are reacting, the extended family may lose him, but keep relationships with their them. |