Middle School Culture Shock

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the first PP, and a mom.

I would love if I didn't have to worry about perverts and creeps, but we don't live in that utopia.

But, why do you think it's appropriate for a 12 yr old to wear super short shorts such that the curve of their butt is visible? I mean, why not just let her wear her underwear to school.

If it were my kid's clothing choices, I would say, "Don't wear those shorts, your rear end will stick to the chair."

If it's not my kid's clothing choices, I don't care. Why do you care about the clothing choices of kids who aren't your kid?

because it's a distraction that impacts the school environment. Why do you think some publics, charters and almost all private schools require uniforms?

Schools have dress codes for a reason. If you want your 12 yr old to walk around with her boobs and butt showing, I don't care. But not at school. And I would question your parenting if I saw her in public like that, and whether your 12 yr old is sexually active. Yes, I would judge. shrug. If you want to be judged by your mind and character, then dress in a way that doesn't focus attention to your body.

Person A (and their clothing choices) are not responsible for Person B's behavior. That's basic.

Also basic: decent human beings don't draw inferences about the behavior and value of 12-year-olds based on the 12-year-olds' clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the first PP, and a mom.

I would love if I didn't have to worry about perverts and creeps, but we don't live in that utopia.

But, why do you think it's appropriate for a 12 yr old to wear super short shorts such that the curve of their butt is visible? I mean, why not just let her wear her underwear to school.

If it were my kid's clothing choices, I would say, "Don't wear those shorts, your rear end will stick to the chair."

If it's not my kid's clothing choices, I don't care. Why do you care about the clothing choices of kids who aren't your kid?

because it's a distraction that impacts the school environment. Why do you think some publics, charters and almost all private schools require uniforms?

Schools have dress codes for a reason. If you want your 12 yr old to walk around with her boobs and butt showing, I don't care. But not at school. And I would question your parenting if I saw her in public like that, and whether your 12 yr old is sexually active. Yes, I would judge. shrug. If you want to be judged by your mind and character, then dress in a way that doesn't focus attention to your body.

Person A (and their clothing choices) are not responsible for Person B's behavior. That's basic.

Also basic: decent human beings don't draw inferences about the behavior and value of 12-year-olds based on the 12-year-olds' clothes.

NP, as a decent human being, you better believe that I’m drawing inferences on his/her parents for allowing them to dress like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the first PP, and a mom.

I would love if I didn't have to worry about perverts and creeps, but we don't live in that utopia.

But, why do you think it's appropriate for a 12 yr old to wear super short shorts such that the curve of their butt is visible? I mean, why not just let her wear her underwear to school.

If it were my kid's clothing choices, I would say, "Don't wear those shorts, your rear end will stick to the chair."

If it's not my kid's clothing choices, I don't care. Why do you care about the clothing choices of kids who aren't your kid?

because it's a distraction that impacts the school environment. Why do you think some publics, charters and almost all private schools require uniforms?

Schools have dress codes for a reason. If you want your 12 yr old to walk around with her boobs and butt showing, I don't care. But not at school. And I would question your parenting if I saw her in public like that, and whether your 12 yr old is sexually active. Yes, I would judge. shrug. If you want to be judged by your mind and character, then dress in a way that doesn't focus attention to your body.

Person A (and their clothing choices) are not responsible for Person B's behavior. That's basic.

Also basic: decent human beings don't draw inferences about the behavior and value of 12-year-olds based on the 12-year-olds' clothes.

NP, as a decent human being, you better believe that I’m drawing inferences on his/her parents for allowing them to dress like that.

+1 If ^^PP thinks we shouldn't care how a girl dresses in school, then ^PP shouldn't care if we are judging the girl and the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP, as a decent human being, you better believe that I’m drawing inferences on his/her parents for allowing them to dress like that.

As a decent human being, just think what you could do with all that mental energy if you transferred it from judging girls/women for their clothing choices to something more productive. Anything! Macrame, cleaning the oven, fostering service dogs in training, organizing coat driver - endless possibilities.

Or you can keep insisting that you oppose sexualization of middle-schoolers by...sexualizing middle-schoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1 If ^^PP thinks we shouldn't care how a girl dresses in school, then ^PP shouldn't care if we are judging the girl and the parent.

You can judge anybody you want, for anything you want. And so I can. Do I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming of middle-school girls? Yes, I sure do. In fact, I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 If ^^PP thinks we shouldn't care how a girl dresses in school, then ^PP shouldn't care if we are judging the girl and the parent.

You can judge anybody you want, for anything you want. And so I can. Do I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming of middle-school girls? Yes, I sure do. In fact, I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming, period.

shrug.. doesn't hurt my feelings. And my judgement is kept to myself, whereas your DD's butt is hanging out there for all the world to see, including perverts. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 If ^^PP thinks we shouldn't care how a girl dresses in school, then ^PP shouldn't care if we are judging the girl and the parent.

You can judge anybody you want, for anything you want. And so I can. Do I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming of middle-school girls? Yes, I sure do. In fact, I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming, period.

shrug.. doesn't hurt my feelings. And my judgement is kept to myself, whereas your DD's butt is hanging out there for all the world to see, including perverts. Congratulations.

Getting back to that "decent human being" thing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP, as a decent human being, you better believe that I’m drawing inferences on his/her parents for allowing them to dress like that.

As a decent human being, just think what you could do with all that mental energy if you transferred it from judging girls/women for their clothing choices to something more productive. Anything! Macrame, cleaning the oven, fostering service dogs in training, organizing coat driver - endless possibilities.

Or you can keep insisting that you oppose sexualization of middle-schoolers by...sexualizing middle-schoolers.

LOL.. you are so naive.

When you watch music videos with attractive women, what are they wearing? Very skimpy clothes. Why is that? When you watch a boxing match, why do the girls who carry the signs wear skimpy clothing?

Do you really think it's the women on here who are sexualizing MSer?

Why are you perpetuating sexualizing MS girls by letting them wear that? Shorts is fine, but there is no reason to wear short shorts that have the curve of their butt showing other than to show off your body, ie, sexualizing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 If ^^PP thinks we shouldn't care how a girl dresses in school, then ^PP shouldn't care if we are judging the girl and the parent.

You can judge anybody you want, for anything you want. And so I can. Do I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming of middle-school girls? Yes, I sure do. In fact, I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming, period.

shrug.. doesn't hurt my feelings. And my judgement is kept to myself, whereas your DD's butt is hanging out there for all the world to see, including perverts. Congratulations.

Getting back to that "decent human being" thing...

no decent human being would let their 12 yr old wear something akin to underwear in public, especially in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 If ^^PP thinks we shouldn't care how a girl dresses in school, then ^PP shouldn't care if we are judging the girl and the parent.

You can judge anybody you want, for anything you want. And so I can. Do I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming of middle-school girls? Yes, I sure do. In fact, I judge you for engaging in slut-shaming, period.

shrug.. doesn't hurt my feelings. And my judgement is kept to myself, whereas your DD's butt is hanging out there for all the world to see, including perverts. Congratulations.

Getting back to that "decent human being" thing...

"your DD's butt is hanging out there for all the world to see" that is a statement of fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strangely, so far so good. I have a 6th grader but in another district. They have tracks for math. My theory is that if you are on a higher track, you get into a cohort with other nerdy kids who are in other classes with you as well.
It’s a very ordinary middle school, 30% farms/esl.

Correct. However your child can still be exposed in the bus or during other classes.

My son at North Bethesda MS a few years ago wasn’t exposed to the horrors other posters describe. He was in with a nerdy crowd, and was driven to school.

It’s probably possible, yes. No bus for my kid. I think other classes align with the math ones to a large degree so he doesn’t have that many disruptive kids there. But of course anything can happen.

My son is in above grade level math (2 years advanced) and there are still two disruptive boys in his pre-calculus class. My guess is that they were like this in MS as well and didn’t just start acting up in 10th grade.

What grade is your child in with pre-calculus as you realize kids taking Algebra in 6/7 is NORMAL in MCPS. Precalculus in 10th is not advanced. Its normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I HATE that some of the girls wear such skimpy clothing. Super short shorts and crop tops. I don't let my DD out of the house wearing that kind of thing, BUT, I can't control what she does when she leaves the house. I know she rolls up her shorts and ties up her shirt when she leaves the house. I'm not happy about it, but I can't stop it.

My older DS (now in HS) told me that a lot of girls dress that way in MS, and that the way DD dresses is not out of the ordinary and is also much more tame than some of the other girls in MS. I hate it. I do wish they wore uniforms. It would be so much easier, but when I think back to when I was in MS, I would've hated uniforms, so I don't blame kids who don't want strict uniforms. I just wish they didn't dress like that.

Wouldn't it be great if society, collectively, spent less time condemning the clothing choices of girls and young women? Just imagine what we could do with the mental energy that would free up.

I think there's one poster on this board who gets off talking about teens and their skimpy clothing. We had one on youbemom back in the day. Possibly the same guy. It's sick and it's sad and those of us with daughters need to teach them that men like this and their opinions do not matter.

I wouldn’t assume that. FWIW, I know plenty of moms in my MCPS neighborhood who will adamantly insist that girls be able to wear what they want. And that dress codes are antiquated and crush girls’ style, etc. Feminism and all.

Personally, I disagree and am often surprised/appalled by the clothes some MS girls wear. But I can only control my own kid (and barely can do that).

I feel sorry for you and your kid. This isn't a "feminist" issue. I just hope you don't have sons.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes have to remind myself that many of you come from cultures where your parents had arranged marriages, that even you were probably virgins when you married. I'm not making value judgments about those choices--I just hope they WERE choices--but it must color how you view your bodies and your daughters' bodies and what you teach your sons. It is probably not a coincidence that some of those countries also have disturbingly high percentages of rape and teen marriage. But again, no judgment. My grandma was a teen bride as well, although I'm not sure it was her shorts that led her to ruin, morelike the War. And the South.

[Anonymous]

Another way to read this "shock" about Middle School:

Kids are wearing the same clothes they were wearing in elementary, only now the girls are going through puberty.

Some parents are horrified by this.

And you wonder why so many girl children are suddenly NB or trans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes have to remind myself that many of you come from cultures where your parents had arranged marriages, that even you were probably virgins when you married. I'm not making value judgments about those choices--I just hope they WERE choices--but it must color how you view your bodies and your daughters' bodies and what you teach your sons. It is probably not a coincidence that some of those countries also have disturbingly high percentages of rape and teen marriage. But again, no judgment. My grandma was a teen bride as well, although I'm not sure it was her shorts that led her to ruin, morelike the War. And the South.

Wait....so you think progressive women are fine with MS girls wearing inappropriate clothing to school?

Nope.

I'll ask again.. why don't you let your MSer where her underwear to school?