Husband Is Adamant I Breastfeed

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I'm a NP. I nursed my first for 15 months until pregnancy with #2 made it too painful so we stopped. I couldn't nurse #2 because he was in the NICU for months and months with serious medical conditions, I won't bore you with details.

You're right, the engorged breasts and leaking are a pain in the neck. But they don't last more than a month or so, and then things get so much easier. All I needed with #1 was a few diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes where we went out. #2 required that plus formula plus clean bottles plus we ran out once at the doctors and they had to give some more. I am so so so glad my first child nursed as long as she did- she loved it and thrived and it was SO EASY after the first 4/5 weeks.

Give it a few more weeks. Having a two week old baby is really really hard. You're exhausted, so waking up at night is such a chore. I get it. But I promise it gets easier if you stick with it! It is NOT going to be this hard forever! But if you go 6 weeks (I see your comment above), and you still hate it and it's making you hate your body, then wean the baby off slowly (if you just stop suddenly, it will be tough!) and quit and go to formula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I'm a NP. I nursed my first for 15 months until pregnancy with #2 made it too painful so we stopped. I couldn't nurse #2 because he was in the NICU for months and months with serious medical conditions, I won't bore you with details.

You're right, the engorged breasts and leaking are a pain in the neck. But they don't last more than a month or so, and then things get so much easier. All I needed with #1 was a few diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes where we went out. #2 required that plus formula plus clean bottles plus we ran out once at the doctors and they had to give some more. I am so so so glad my first child nursed as long as she did- she loved it and thrived and it was SO EASY after the first 4/5 weeks.

Give it a few more weeks. Having a two week old baby is really really hard. You're exhausted, so waking up at night is such a chore. I get it. But I promise it gets easier if you stick with it! It is NOT going to be this hard forever! But if you go 6 weeks (I see your comment above), and you still hate it and it's making you hate your body, then wean the baby off slowly (if you just stop suddenly, it will be tough!) and quit and go to formula.

I hope your speciality as an NP isn't with women and children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m going to give it until 6 weeks and then see his it goes. I may quit earlier than that though. I’m going to stick with breastfeeding because pumping is too much work.

Good luck OP and if you decide to continue or quit either way it's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is also a great guy who felt super strongly about breast milk. It was really important to him. I told him I'd stick it out for 6 weeks and then we'd reconsider. You know what? It got way easier after 6 weeks. The first month is hard, then it gets so much easier than bottles. I ended up nursing all three of my children way longer than planned.

Can you agree to suck it up for another month? Do it because you love your husband and this is important to him? And then if it's no longer working for you agree to transition out?

+1 on it getting easier. It’s also a huge positive to not deal with bottles.

I hated breastfeeding (and was shocked I hated it), but I was really determined to make it work. I quit at 8 weeks with my first, but nursed my second over a year. After 2 kids nursing was way better after 2 months…and dealing with bottles and pumping was a pain in the ass. If you have the opportunity to be home for 6 months maybe set a goal like sticking it out for X weeks then re-evaluating it.. Ironically, with my second child my husband was pressuring me switch to formula although it likely would have caused him a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband does not get to be "adamant" about anything that has to do with your body. No matter the issue. No matter the case that can be made.

You tolerating this, that's a much bigger problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I normally would be very pro your body, your choice. But with covid, would you ever forgive yourself if you stopped breastfeeding and your baby got covid? If you are okay with it, stop breast feeding. Also talk to your doctor. Your baby might be more in danger of measles from antivaxxers.

What if you breastfeed and your kid still gets Covid? Do you really think it's a mother's fault if her formula fed child gets Covid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can lactate if he feels so strongly.

Most parenting decisions are joint. This one is your body.

Pp and others...how is he going to do that? I give dad credit for helping as much as he can so op can breastfeed. That's important. I hope you can handle in for a little while longer.

[Anonymous]

All three of my kids were exclusively FF, and are thriving. My sister and I were also exclusively FF. Your body, your choice, period.

[Anonymous]

It sucked for me for the first month and then ended up way easier and more convenient than a bottle. Plus, I loved the oxytocin released. Helped me sleep well.

But if you really hate it, you can stop. It’s your body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am going to tell you secret of having a baby and what the baby wants. Ready???

A happy mother!!!!!!


I swear to you that your baby wants a happy mom more than anything else on the planet. So you do what makes sense for YOUR body and YOUR breasts. We are in 2021 and you luckily have so many choices


For the haters I nursed my 2 kids for more than a year each. It was the easy thing for me. If it’s not the easy thing for THIS mom she should make a different choice

THIS OP. Seriously, this.

I chose not to breastfeed any of my three children, I did not even try one time. And it was simply because I did not want to. My pregnancies were agonizing and I wanted my body back with fervent desperation at the end and I honestly couldn't imagine breastfeeding. I have no problem with it at all, no feelings at all seeing another woman breastfeed, but the thought of breastfeeding myself was actually like, repellant to me, viscerally.

So I just did not do it.

If I tried, maybe it would have worked, who knows, but formula is not just 'fine' it is great. It is a modern miracle! It means babies survive! It means they thrive where they once could not. It is SO modern 21st century America to have had science give us an absolute miracle that every generation of humans before 1900 would have like, given almost ANYTHING for and for us to reject it as 'meh' because its less 'natural.'

You don't like it, you are unhappy, you may start to resent your baby as a result. So stop. I agree with others that it does sound like this is the peak awful time from what I've heard from friends and so if it was something that you had said was important to YOU I might encourage you to push through it. But this isn't important to you and you don't like it. You don't have to keep doing it. Your baby will thrive and no one can tell which of the 6 year olds were breastfed. Be COVID safe and have some reassurance in the fact that healthy babies are less likely to see severe outcomes and if you were vaccinated you have already passed on some protection. And keep your baby protected as you would during ANY winter season from flu and other seasonal illnesses. Honestly you should be more on guard against RSV than COVID with a newborn. You don't have to do this, even if the only reason is that you don't like it. If any doctor could make a choice between making sure a baby was breastfed or making sure the baby was being cared for by a happy, healthy, calm and engaged mother, they would pick the latter. Being happy and engaged is FAR more important to your infant than breastmilk.

OP - read this. Then save it and read it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I am going to tell you secret of having a baby and what the baby wants. Ready???

A happy mother!!!!!!


I swear to you that your baby wants a happy mom more than anything else on the planet. So you do what makes sense for YOUR body and YOUR breasts. We are in 2021 and you luckily have so many choices


For the haters I nursed my 2 kids for more than a year each. It was the easy thing for me. If it’s not the easy thing for THIS mom she should make a different choice

THIS OP. Seriously, this.

I chose not to breastfeed any of my three children, I did not even try one time. And it was simply because I did not want to. My pregnancies were agonizing and I wanted my body back with fervent desperation at the end and I honestly couldn't imagine breastfeeding. I have no problem with it at all, no feelings at all seeing another woman breastfeed, but the thought of breastfeeding myself was actually like, repellant to me, viscerally.

So I just did not do it.

If I tried, maybe it would have worked, who knows, but formula is not just 'fine' it is great. It is a modern miracle! It means babies survive! It means they thrive where they once could not. It is SO modern 21st century America to have had science give us an absolute miracle that every generation of humans before 1900 would have like, given almost ANYTHING for and for us to reject it as 'meh' because its less 'natural.'

You don't like it, you are unhappy, you may start to resent your baby as a result. So stop. I agree with others that it does sound like this is the peak awful time from what I've heard from friends and so if it was something that you had said was important to YOU I might encourage you to push through it. But this isn't important to you and you don't like it. You don't have to keep doing it. Your baby will thrive and no one can tell which of the 6 year olds were breastfed. Be COVID safe and have some reassurance in the fact that healthy babies are less likely to see severe outcomes and if you were vaccinated you have already passed on some protection. And keep your baby protected as you would during ANY winter season from flu and other seasonal illnesses. Honestly you should be more on guard against RSV than COVID with a newborn. You don't have to do this, even if the only reason is that you don't like it. If any doctor could make a choice between making sure a baby was breastfed or making sure the baby was being cared for by a happy, healthy, calm and engaged mother, they would pick the latter. Being happy and engaged is FAR more important to your infant than breastmilk.

OP - read this. Then save it and read it again.

100%. And can someone please confiscate the phones of the posters that tried to introduce COVID guilt into this decision and "it's not about you/welcome to motherhood".

The other thing that I would add is that OP's husband sounds like he needs to speak to a therapist or get some peer support about his anxieties in being a new dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your husband does not get to be "adamant" about anything that has to do with your body. No matter the issue. No matter the case that can be made.

You tolerating this, that's a much bigger problem

Don’t be absurd. Of course a parent has a right to advocate for what they honestly feel is best for their child. The red line is that nobody can force her, not that her husband and father of the child cannot speak openly about the subject whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly given covid I would try to give your baby more covid antibodies (Assuming you got vaxxed?)

How old is your baby? I’d do it for the first three months if you can.

It’s your decision though. Not cool of your husband to overly pressure you

OP here. He is 2 weeks old. Born 9/8.

Oh dear!! Wait for 6 weeks and revisit the issue. Your body has not recovered from childbirth yet. Also make sure that you get monitored for PPD.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds like an awesome father. So at least in that way your kid lucked out.

If your nursing is going on fine but you don't feel like nursing... well, welcome to parenthood. You do things for the welfare of your kids that you may not want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is also a great guy who felt super strongly about breast milk. It was really important to him. I told him I'd stick it out for 6 weeks and then we'd reconsider. You know what? It got way easier after 6 weeks. The first month is hard, then it gets so much easier than bottles. I ended up nursing all three of my children way longer than planned.

Can you agree to suck it up for another month? Do it because you love your husband and this is important to him? And then if it's no longer working for you agree to transition out?

Agree. The first month sucks. Set a goal to get to 3-months and then reevaluate. Honestly breastfeeding is *way* easier once you get out of this tiny newborn phase. Few bottles to wash/ pack. It’s super convenient and doesn’t hurt at all later. .