Concerned about Lack of Interest in Extracurricular Activities: what did I do wrong?

[Anonymous]

I'm a parent of two elementary school-aged daughters who have become extremely close to each other. While I'm glad they have a strong bond, I'm starting to worry because neither of them seems to have any interest in participating in extracurricular activities outside of the house. I've tried encouraging them to explore different activities, but they are reluctant to try anything new.

For instance, I had to practically force my younger daughter to join a sport this year, and my older daughter has refused everything except for one art class that got canceled due to low enrollment. They don't show much enthusiasm for traveling or trying new things; instead, they seem content with staying home, drawing, and playing with each other.

I'm concerned about what I might have done wrong as a parent. I've always encouraged them to explore different interests and participate in activities that pique their curiosity. However, they have consistently refused any after-school clubs offered by their elementary school, such as girls counts or soccer. Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

You went wrong by judging your kids for not entertaining you enough. Your kids are better than fine if they can survive without a constant parade of external entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Like at least half of kids doing extracurriculars would be overjoyed if they were allowed to quit and just play with their siblings

[Anonymous]

They sound like they just want a more quiet, low-key after school and that’s fine. Have you tried a more low key activity for them? A surprising number of girls at my DS’s school do chess club.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking age 7 or age 11?

[Anonymous]

You’re upset that you created a happy and healthy home that they want to come back to after “work”?

I’m so confused.. can someone explain?

[Anonymous]

I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. By the time they were 11, I had enrolled my twin DDs in soccer, art classes, crafting clubs, drama classes, foreign language class, cooking classes, a children’s chorus, Girl Scouts, ballet classes, programming classes, science club, many different summer camps, you name it. They were enrolled in orchestra and choir in elementary school. They were safety patrols and helped with recycling. I always encouraged them to try different things until they found something they enjoyed. I really thought they’d have a talent for something that would get them hooked on an activity. I was wrong. They never enjoyed 90% of it. I practically begged them to try any sport or club in middle school and they refused.

One of them is involved in a few activities in high school that aren’t big time commitments and she’s starting a new club at her school. Her activities are primarily driven by just trying to come up with something to put on college applications. The other one is socially awkward and feels like she doesn’t fit in. She was only interested in being in theatre crew (got shot out because there weren’t as many spots as kids who applied), Model UN (has found it boring) and a teen improv class (total bust; she wanted to do comedic improvisation and it was just acting techniques with zero comedy). She’s not currently in any activities.

I tried, but my kids are just not “joiners.” If that’s their personality, there’s not a lot you can do. Forcing activities against their will just makes them determined to hate the activity. All you can do is encourage them to try new things and keep offering opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Some kids find school overstimulating and would prefer some downtime and quiet at home. As long as they aren’t on screens all afternoon and evening, I’d be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

[Anonymous]

Can you sign them up for a tennis class together or can they do free swim at a pool a few afternoons a week or in the weekends? The library sometimes has kids book groups if that’s more their speed. At a certain point it seems counter productive to force activities.

[Anonymous]

My third child is like this. I’m sure it’s even tougher for you because the two siblings are entertaining each other so well so they don’t feel they have the stimulation need to do extracurriculars. We required an instrument through elementary school and a sport each season. Learning to swim at a basic level was also a requirement. Maybe he’ll find his passion in high school robotics or drama scene construction, who knows, but for now, he isn’t interested in much beyond playing at home with his pets.

[Anonymous]

Parent of teens and young adults here.

I think it's a problem if the underlying reason is anxiety and the fear of being in new environments with new people. My daughter has social anxiety and I've always had to insist she join activities. My son was always willing to try things, even though he's a homebody too and would rather play read or video games at home.

I hate over-scheduling kids, and throughout my kids' childhoods, I always respected their wishes to have downtime at home. However for their health I insisted on one physical activity (gym, horseback riding, whatever they wanted), and for my music lover's sake, I insisted on a music activity. I didn't actually need to insist too much for that, because we're all music lovers in the family. My son joined the Strathmore Children's Choir and my daughter takes private music lessons and is in MCYO (Maryland Classic Youth Orchestra). They were/are in a weekend native language school, and did various other things besides.

The goal isn't to bulldoze over their wishes, but to:
1. Strengthen social skills/ work on shyness, exercise the body and mind;
2. Find something they're good at and enjoy, which will bolster their confidence and self-esteem. They'll need that during the tumultuous years of adolescence! Please find it before they're teens!

[Anonymous]

It's fine. Some kids aren't joined and don't like activities, it's no big deal. You can still have a great childhood and become a responsible, productive adult. I'd only encourage maybe in high school to help get into college.