Concerned about Lack of Interest in Extracurricular Activities: what did I do wrong?

[Anonymous]

Well you can forget about them getting into a decent college at this rate. Maybe take them out to McDonald's tonight and tell them about their exciting career options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you can forget about them getting into a decent college at this rate. Maybe take them out to McDonald's tonight and tell them about their exciting career options.

/s

[Anonymous]

I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I believe that some kids want it, but not as many as ppl think. I grew up know many kids with activity pushing patents. None of the kids wanted and wanted to quit, but weren't allowed to. The same old reasons, college, excessive screen time and the kids will be trouble makers if not kept busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

+1 I am the parent, I don’t ask my kids if they want to try something. Of course, I know their personalities so I sign them for classes that I know they will enjoy but I don’t ask for their opinion. So far there are no complains.

That’s weird to me, to not give your child any agency. What’s wrong with saying “Here are the options, you have to pick one of these” instead of disregarding their opinion entirely?

Because ultimately I make the decisions and it has to be within budget, convenient, and fit into our busy schedule. I'm not going to put together a portfolio of options to present as if I'm bidding for a job. I know what they like and what will probably be a winner and what won't but if I asked for their approval on anything they would hem, haw, or just say no because they don't know any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know kids like this. Their parents let them quit everything they try. They never ask them to see it through, finish what they start, or stick with it. At the first hint of "I don't feel like it" they quit and that's that. Their kids do nothing after school and hate everything they try.

I’m the poster from 9:56. I didn’t let my kids drop activities they didn’t like. They had to attend the classes I paid for. They did some of these activities for multiple years. But they still never liked the activities and don’t miss them.

I think that's fair. You tried, and later on they can only blame themselves for not making more of the opportunities provided. But my friends ask their kids "do you want to do this?" and the answer is always "NO!" so the kids never try much and the few things they do try they quit halfway through. I rarely ask my kids if they want to try something I just sign them up then hype it up and that's worked out pretty well so far.

I'm glad that worked for you. I asked my kids what they wanted to sign up for, got a lot of no's, respected those no's, and gradually got some yes's. Over time they grew from kids who wanted to run around outside after school with each other and friends, to kids with strong interests, and now I'm about to post whining about how overwhelming their schedule is going to be next year when they're both in high school. So, accepting my kid's "no's" and waiting for them to be ready worked well for us. Well, other than the fact that my kids have too many hours of activities now, but I don't think "Oh, I should have forced them to do activities so they would be sick of them by now!"

Ok. I don't force my kids to do things. I say "here's what we're doing" And they often say "Ok!" We've been doing it this way for so long I'm impressed with their confidence, lack of hesitation in trying new things, ability to make new friends, be comfortable in unfamiliar situations, and have a positive attitude. I was the "NO" kid and it didn't really serve me well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

Absolutely push myself to do things I don't want to all the time. I'm an introvert but I know that an appropriate amount of time with friends is good for me. Sometimes I don't wanna, but I make myself.

Isn't that part of being an adult - knowing what's good for you and, as if you were a toddler, making yourself do it? I mean sometimes adults have to make themselves perform basic self-care like getting enough water and eating at regular intervals when we get busy. Making sure we go do things outside the house that are good for us is just another piece of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new people”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I meet new people and network every single day at work. It's a core job function. I'm also expected to learn new things and stretch myself to solve problems in new areas all the time. I don't have a lot of time for hobbies between work and kids, but these are skills I use all the time at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

Absolutely push myself to do things I don't want to all the time. I'm an introvert but I know that an appropriate amount of time with friends is good for me. Sometimes I don't wanna, but I make myself.

Isn't that part of being an adult - knowing what's good for you and, as if you were a toddler, making yourself do it? I mean sometimes adults have to make themselves perform basic self-care like getting enough water and eating at regular intervals when we get busy. Making sure we go do things outside the house that are good for us is just another piece of that.

Agree. I don't love to workout and go to the gym, but I do because it's good for me and after a workout I'm always glad I went. Why wouldn't I ask the same of my kids? I'm sure sitting home doing nothing feels better than getting some exercise in the moment, but that doesn't make it the right choice and it's a parent's job to make sure kids are making the right decisions the same way we don't eat candy for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

[Anonymous]

It’s great your children know what they like. Like others, I would just make sure they do something active that they enjoy. Your worry comes from comparing yourself to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s great your children know what they like. Like others, I would just make sure they do something active that they enjoy. Your worry comes from comparing yourself to others.

But do they know? It sounds like they haven't tried much.