Concerned about Lack of Interest in Extracurricular Activities: what did I do wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s great your children know what they like. Like others, I would just make sure they do something active that they enjoy. Your worry comes from comparing yourself to others.

But do they know? It sounds like they haven't tried much.

NP. It sounds like who hasn’t tried much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. By the time they were 11, I had enrolled my twin DDs in soccer, art classes, crafting clubs, drama classes, foreign language class, cooking classes, a children’s chorus, Girl Scouts, ballet classes, programming classes, science club, many different summer camps, you name it. They were enrolled in orchestra and choir in elementary school. They were safety patrols and helped with recycling. I always encouraged them to try different things until they found something they enjoyed. I really thought they’d have a talent for something that would get them hooked on an activity. I was wrong. They never enjoyed 90% of it. I practically begged them to try any sport or club in middle school and they refused.

One of them is involved in a few activities in high school that aren’t big time commitments and she’s starting a new club at her school. Her activities are primarily driven by just trying to come up with something to put on college applications. The other one is socially awkward and feels like she doesn’t fit in. She was only interested in being in theatre crew (got shot out because there weren’t as many spots as kids who applied), Model UN (has found it boring) and a teen improv class (total bust; she wanted to do comedic improvisation and it was just acting techniques with zero comedy). She’s not currently in any activities.

I tried, but my kids are just not “joiners.” If that’s their personality, there’s not a lot you can do. Forcing activities against their will just makes them determined to hate the activity. All you can do is encourage them to try new things and keep offering opportunities.

as you are finding out, this is not the way to hook up kids in an activity. no kids are "hooked up", not all the time. you have them pick one thing, and then they stick to it rather than fantasize about the next exciting activity where they are going to get "hooked up".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

NP. Sitting at home playing board games…alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s great your children know what they like. Like others, I would just make sure they do something active that they enjoy. Your worry comes from comparing yourself to others.

But do they know? It sounds like they haven't tried much.

NP. It sounds like who hasn’t tried much?

OP's kids. Read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They shouldn't be sedentary. You are setting them up to unhealthy as adults. They both need to be doing a physical activity. It doesn't have to be a team sport, but something regular where they raise their heartbeat. They can choose and change it up, but they need to so something.

They both need to practice going out of their comfort zone to try new things and meet new people. Summer camps are good for this. Activities also work. But they need to put themselves out there and practice those social skills.

They both also need to learn to do hard things. Maybe school is hard for them and that's enough, but elementary school comes easily for many kids. My kids study an instrument so they can learn how to practice and improve. Other kids learn this with math, coding, chess, or sports. The activity doesn't matter as much as having to put in sustained effort to improve.

This. The teens I knew who didn’t exercise grew up into adults that didn’t exercise. It’s not pushing to expect them to do a sport, any sport 2x a week. My mom got my sedentary but off the couch and said, “In this family, we will do a sport. Here’s what’s possible with my work schedule. Pick something.”

Note that I’m discussing health, not weight. Working out 2x a week is the minimum for cardiovascular health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s great your children know what they like. Like others, I would just make sure they do something active that they enjoy. Your worry comes from comparing yourself to others.

But do they know? It sounds like they haven't tried much.

NP. It sounds like who hasn’t tried much?

OP's kids. Read the thread.

You weren’t responding to the OP. You were responding to PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They shouldn't be sedentary. You are setting them up to unhealthy as adults. They both need to be doing a physical activity. It doesn't have to be a team sport, but something regular where they raise their heartbeat. They can choose and change it up, but they need to so something.

They both need to practice going out of their comfort zone to try new things and meet new people. Summer camps are good for this. Activities also work. But they need to put themselves out there and practice those social skills.

They both also need to learn to do hard things. Maybe school is hard for them and that's enough, but elementary school comes easily for many kids. My kids study an instrument so they can learn how to practice and improve. Other kids learn this with math, coding, chess, or sports. The activity doesn't matter as much as having to put in sustained effort to improve.

Agree with all this. And will add:

1) Being a kid is great bc you have time to try all kinds of new things. Once you’re an adult you don’t have time to figure out if you like to paint, or play piano, or run, or rock climb. We have teen boys and they’ve both tried all kinds of stuff because we just signed them up and stuffed them in the classes. Some things fell away and some things stuck, but they both have found activities they genuinely enjoy that would have never happened if we didn’t just thrown them in. You, the adult know them and you can see what’s out there they might like, if you leave it up to them, you will get “nos” because they have no frame of reference for what joining an activity might entail and that can be scary.

2) I cannot emphasize the getting out of their comfort zone comment above enough! You aren’t doing your kids any favors by letting them never encounter situations where they try new things, meet new people, self advocate, and gain independence.

[Anonymous]

OP I will add that some kids have to be pushed into things they love. One of my kids never seems enthusiastic about all that much. We give them a gentle push, and they tell us they like it. But even after that it's a constant series of gentle pushes. If I say that I don't enjoy pushing, they tell me they want the pushing.

Another of my kids I have to hold back from doing more than the family can take. If that kid were an only kid they'd have us going as much as we do with 3 just for them...but we can't manage that. We do as absolute much as we can for that 1 kid though, because they make it clear they love it and put in extra work on what they love on their own.

The third kid is in the middle. Doesn't ask for constant work on their chosen activities but doesn't need to be pushed.

Maybe your kids are like my first kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

NP. Sitting at home playing board games…alone?

Without friends. Or maybe you can sit there and play board games with your kids all afternoon? Whatever floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

NP. Sitting at home playing board games…alone?

Without friends. Or maybe you can sit there and play board games with your kids all afternoon? Whatever floats your boat.

This why it's sad, it's hard to find other kids around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

NP. Sitting at home playing board games…alone?

Without friends. Or maybe you can sit there and play board games with your kids all afternoon? Whatever floats your boat.

This why it's sad, it's hard to find other kids around.

Because they are all out doing things. In your imagination they all hate it and aren't having fun. But, how would you really know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

NP. Sitting at home playing board games…alone?

Without friends. Or maybe you can sit there and play board games with your kids all afternoon? Whatever floats your boat.

This why it's sad, it's hard to find other kids around.

Because they are all out doing things. In your imagination they all hate it and aren't having fun. But, how would you really know?

Just because they aren't in sports doesn't mean they can't do things. And you've really never met a kid who was made to do activities that they didn't want to do or wished that they weren't so busy? That seems unlikely