Concerned about Lack of Interest in Extracurricular Activities: what did I do wrong?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly curious to if the activity pushers (“so they can do new things and meet new
People”) also do this for themselves, or is it for kids only?

I know how to swim, play tennis, play softball, play guitar, multiple languages, classic embroidery, basic hand and machine sewing, drawing and basic sculpture, jewelry beading, robotics and computer assembly. Started to learn most of these in elementary and middle school. Kept up with some in HS and college. And as an adult with ES kids i play tennis with a friend, take craft classes etc in the time i have outside work and family obligations.

Being a jack of all trades with activities doesn't mean the kids are happy and like it. If you did, that's great, but not all kids do.

What's not to like? Not sure what you're so worried about here. A kid might try tennis and decide it's not for them? So what?

Every kid is different. I know kids that were made to do too many activities that they didn't like. They hated to be so busy and just time to be kids. They would have preferred to do one or two activities that they actually wanted. Yes, I know this as I'm still good friends with most of them. Their parents did listen to them.

I'm not worried in the least. There is no such thing as "just time to be a kid" anymore. All the other kids are busy too. This is what being a kid is today. You can buck that trend all you like but your kid will be sitting home alone doing it.

It's really a shame parents don't see anything wrong with that. I feel bad for kids today.

No, I don't see anything wrong with it. My kids are happy and have found things they enjoy doing. I'm not sure they would be far happier spending more time alone at home playing board games.

NP. Sitting at home playing board games…alone?

Without friends. Or maybe you can sit there and play board games with your kids all afternoon? Whatever floats your boat.

This why it's sad, it's hard to find other kids around.

Because they are all out doing things. In your imagination they all hate it and aren't having fun. But, how would you really know?

Just because they aren't in sports doesn't mean they can't do things. And you've really never met a kid who was made to do activities that they didn't want to do or wished that they weren't so busy? That seems unlikely

Nope. How about you worry about your own kid instead of assuming the worst about others or assuming they are all unhappy.

I wasn't worrying at all. I'm simply participating in this thread.

I guess it's just concern trolling to say it so "sad" and kids "wished they weren't so busy". Sure. I know kids who are sad and mad that their parents "don't let them do anything" because they are stuck in after care and miss out or their parents have so many kids they can't afford all the activities and its logistically impossible to get everyone around. But it's none of my business. Never has any kid complained to me that they wished they could just do nothing. Weird that you now so many.

Weird that you think that kids without activities equals doing nothing. And I said I know kids who are forced to do activities they don't want to or are forced to do so much they really don't have much down time at all. That's fine if you don't believe me, but I know these people, and grew up with some of them.

Why do you assume kids are so busy because they do activities? I grew up doing nothing. It sucked.

Because parents are trying to constantly keep kids busy. They do it with activities. I'm sorry you feel your childhood was lacking, but that's not all kids.

NP here. My kids never enrolled me in anything. I didn’t have the opportunity to like or dislike different sports and activities. I want my kids to have the opportunities I did not. My boys are excellent athletes. They play soccer, basketball, tennis, golf, volleyball and track. They can ski black. While they don’t swim competitively, they did swim team and learned to swim at a young age. They are happy and healthy and have lots of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah look, the parens of overscheduled only-children are out in force.

+1 but there are plenty of parents of multiple children who overschedule too.

As long as OP’s children are getting physical activity and outdoor time, I don’t see an issue. They can run races, ride bikes, roller skate, jump rope, shoot hoops, etc.

[Anonymous]

If they are playing together in a creative, enjoyable, productive way I think this sounds great!

If they are squabbling, asking for screen time, saying they are bored etc. then they need to get out of the house.

My kids are a little younger but somewhat like this. They don't necessarily have a ton of "free" time and it's nice when siblings can spend time together and other unstructured time with neighbors, playdates etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the girls don’t want to be enrolled with a bunch of rando kids. Perhaps do activities together as a family, or have them join you/your partner in an activity you enjoy?

I was going to a suggest this room. Like piano, art, or tennis classes together - private lessons or in a small group.

[Anonymous]

OP I haven’t read this thread but since your kids are still elementary age, you have time to implement this advise:
Tell them they each need to select ONE musical interest and ONE sport/active interest. Everything else is negotiable, but participation in musical study and physical activity is good for their brain and physical/socio-emotional development respectively.
Can be anything they want (piano, violin, voice, any other instrument……and soccer, Girls on the Run, softball, volleyball, climbing, gymnastics, ice skating, anything!)

I’m not saying it needs to be high level either. Rec or community leave is fine! Just DO something in each of these areas because it’s good for them and may even lead toward a passion that can be developed later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of teens and young adults here.

I think it's a problem if the underlying reason is anxiety and the fear of being in new environments with new people. My daughter has social anxiety and I've always had to insist she join activities. My son was always willing to try things, even though he's a homebody too and would rather play read or video games at home.

I hate over-scheduling kids, and throughout my kids' childhoods, I always respected their wishes to have downtime at home. However for their health I insisted on one physical activity (gym, horseback riding, whatever they wanted), and for my music lover's sake, I insisted on a music activity. I didn't actually need to insist too much for that, because we're all music lovers in the family. My son joined the Strathmore Children's Choir and my daughter takes private music lessons and is in MCYO (Maryland Classic Youth Orchestra). They were/are in a weekend native language school, and did various other things besides.

The goal isn't to bulldoze over their wishes, but to:
1. Strengthen social skills/ work on shyness, exercise the body and mind;
2. Find something they're good at and enjoy, which will bolster their confidence and self-esteem. They'll need that during the tumultuous years of adolescence! Please find it before they're teens!

What a great post. You're a good parent, whoever you are.

[Anonymous]

DS was like that. A few years of this and that but at age 14 he now loves bouldering. You can't make someone like something. I feel like so many parents don't consider kids as human beings and can control them into doing what they feel is best for them. Kids even at 7 or 8, will like things or not like them. You can't just force them into liking something just as you can't be. At some point their own personalities will guide them. And let's face it, you got a good 10 years from age 10 to graduation for them to find an activity. DD is age 13 now and was a star travel soccer player from age 7. But now she's not into it - see how that works? Years of an activity and still not a forever activity. People change. If you stop trying, let them develop and find their own way. Better at age 13 than 7. I promise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS was like that. A few years of this and that but at age 14 he now loves bouldering. You can't make someone like something. I feel like so many parents don't consider kids as human beings and can control them into doing what they feel is best for them. Kids even at 7 or 8, will like things or not like them. You can't just force them into liking something just as you can't be. At some point their own personalities will guide them. And let's face it, you got a good 10 years from age 10 to graduation for them to find an activity. DD is age 13 now and was a star travel soccer player from age 7. But now she's not into it - see how that works? Years of an activity and still not a forever activity. People change. If you stop trying, let them develop and find their own way. Better at age 13 than 7. I promise!

Maybe other kids got better

[Anonymous]

^ Hah! She's too team. So um... no. You would like to believe that it's an easy explanation but it's about people changing - does not matter what age and esp the younger set are more fickle. Exactly my point in sharing this story!

[Anonymous]

Top team top club ^

[Anonymous]

Bum

[Anonymous]

They're happy and content! Nothing wrong with that.