DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy
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Anonymous
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DH works with a team of about 20, both men and women, 1/3 being women. He talks about “Leah” and “Amy” quite often, and they are definitely his “work wives” if I’m correct about the meaning of that phrase. They know how he takes his coffee and about our child’s eczema; Leah even researched some remedies and told DH, who told me. Those are examples. Today, when the topic came up, he randomly told me how “great” Leah and Amy would be at something (that I am admittedly NOT great at, though his comment was not directed at me at all) and I got so irrationally fired up (internally, he has no idea, though I was close to blowing up about how tired I am of hearing about how “great” Leah and Amy are, and so I’m here now to seek advice so it doesn’t come to that.)
I’ve met them. I have no reason to believe anything nefarious is happening. They are both nice to me, but not overly nice, or standoffish, either. Both are married, not that that matters, but just throwing it out there. I have no idea why they make me feel so insecure. I’m being honest when I say I have NEVER felt this way about any of his female coworkers, or any other women for that matter, before, so I have no idea where this is coming from or what to do about it. Any advice? |
Anonymous
| This would drive me crazy too. Do you hear him saying lots and lots of nice things about you? If you don’t maybe you can start there. He might be taking you for granted. |
Anonymous
To others? Yes, occasionally. To me? Also yes, quite often. This is why I can’t understand why I’m so bothered by this. He just as often speaks anecdotally about his male coworkers (even in the same way: he recently told me his male coworker told him which convenience store sells a coveted energy bar, as an example of something akin to the intimacy of knowing how he takes his coffee.) I have never felt insecurity like this. I can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from. |
Anonymous
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It doesn’t sound nefarious, just like they are nice people.
“Leah” might not have even researched remedies…if she has a kid or her sister has a kid with eczema, it was likely just a “hey this worked for us!” thing. I mean, I share what worked for my kid with other parents if they are struggling. Normal people chat at work and exchange basic life information. Only on DCUM do you find people who think you should not reveal anything to your coworkers. |
Anonymous
| I know how basically everyone in my sphere takes their coffee. It’s just basic manners. |
Anonymous
| Boundaries regarding family should be in place and respected. I wouldn’t like it either OP. |
Anonymous
I mean, why are you continuing to torture yourself? Tell him how this is making you feel before. You should have told him a long time ago before you got to the tipping point of blowing up. |
Anonymous
| How are you feeling about yourself? |
Anonymous
dp- how does op’s self image affect her husband not respecting boundaries? His actions reflect upon him. |
Anonymous
This is what I was wondering. |
Anonymous
What boundary did he not respect? |
Anonymous
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Your husband may just be acting as a good sponsor. This works great at work, but it just may be bleeding over into his personal conversations.
If the often mentions them as a unit, he may not even see them as individuals and just a great duo he relies on at work. Sorry, it's upsetting to you. I wanted to provide another possible explanation. |
Anonymous
It doesn't sound like OP has ever expressed that these are boundaries. Remembering something about a coworker or talking to them about your life doesn't also reflect badly on someone; those are normal things to do. |
Anonymous
Whatever boundary that is making his wife uncomfortable? Each marriage has boundaries that protect the marriage. They should have them, anyway. |
Anonymous
What is the boundary he crossed? Spell it out. |