DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy

[Anonymous]

Perhaps we should stop using these weird work spouse terms and simply say “friends”. It is ok to have friends of the opposite gender. Except on DCUM which is full of low-integrity sex crazed maniacs who can’t control their primal instincts and are at risk of screwing anything with a pulse. But in the adult world, none of this is actually an issue.

[Anonymous]

Mine does this. He likes women. Not in a sexual way (except with me). The conversations are more interesting to him. The men he works with are usually really uptight and conservative (whatever works for them is fine). It's annoying sometimes, but whatever. He isn't cheating - not even emotionally. I'm glad he has people at work he likes and can talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps we should stop using these weird work spouse terms and simply say “friends”. It is ok to have friends of the opposite gender. Except on DCUM which is full of low-integrity sex crazed maniacs who can’t control their primal instincts and are at risk of screwing anything with a pulse. But in the adult world, none of this is actually an issue.

So, so true, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH works with a team of about 20, both men and women, 1/3 being women. He talks about “Leah” and “Amy” quite often, and they are definitely his “work wives” if I’m correct about the meaning of that phrase. They know how he takes his coffee and about our child’s eczema; Leah even researched some remedies and told DH, who told me. Those are examples. Today, when the topic came up, he randomly told me how “great” Leah and Amy would be at something (that I am admittedly NOT great at, though his comment was not directed at me at all) and I got so irrationally fired up (internally, he has no idea, though I was close to blowing up about how tired I am of hearing about how “great” Leah and Amy are, and so I’m here now to seek advice so it doesn’t come to that.)

I’ve met them. I have no reason to believe anything nefarious is happening. They are both nice to me, but not overly nice, or standoffish, either. Both are married, not that that matters, but just throwing it out there. I have no idea why they make me feel so insecure. I’m being honest when I say I have NEVER felt this way about any of his female coworkers, or any other women for that matter, before, so I have no idea where this is coming from or what to do about it. Any advice?

I don't know why they make you feel insecure either. How strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling about yourself?

Yes, these posts make me think this.

Are you a SAHM who is bored with your life/insecure about your own identity/capabilities? If so, focus on changing that.

For what it is worth, I would not consider those two women to be "work wives."

The one situation I ever saw that deserved that label was different. It was two workers who should have been at equal value (in terms of credentials) but the women became the man's handmaiden. Like they would go to meetings together just so she could keep his calendar. If you asked him if he would be free to attend a future meeting, he would say "you have to ask her, I can't keep my schedule straight." If someone asked him to write a recommendation, she would really pen it. MIND YOU, she was not a secretary in any way. She was a PHYSICIAN who had taken on an administrative leadership role (like him). But they became bound at the hip and he was definitely taking credit for her work, etc. It was weird.

[Anonymous]

Yeah well, I recently learned my DH has been having an affair with his long-time "work wife" . She's mousy, 10 years younger and married with 2 young kids.
And DH is so consumed with the affair, that he wants a divorce.

So, tell your DH it's inappropriate, and enlist other friends, his dad, to also tell him it's inappropriate, otherwise it's too easy for a weak man and pathetic woman to slip into an affair

[Anonymous]

It's called jealousy. If you have no reason to believe there is anything nefarious going on, try to have fun with it.

[Anonymous]

Having work spouses is normal in most workplaces. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah well, I recently learned my DH has been having an affair with his long-time "work wife" . She's mousy, 10 years younger and married with 2 young kids.
And DH is so consumed with the affair, that he wants a divorce.

So, tell your DH it's inappropriate, and enlist other friends, his dad, to also tell him it's inappropriate, otherwise it's too easy for a weak man and pathetic woman to slip into an affair

I’m so sorry. Some people can’t manage the monotony of home life without peering over other people’s fences and assuming that their lives are better. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having work spouses is normal in most workplaces. Get over it.

No, it’s not. Are you married to your job?

Having colleagues who come and go is normal in most workplaces that aren’t literally family businesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having work spouses is normal in most workplaces. Get over it.

Is it? DH and I both work closely with opposite sex coworkers and we would call them work friends. This isn’t a term that’s used in either of our offices.

There is a romantic component to the words “wife” or “husband”. It would feel borderline flirtatious to be referring to a man at work as my husband.

[Anonymous]

He's crushy. If he's a bit of a nebbish, he may be intimidated by men more comfortable with women.
It's a little inappropriate if it's only with women, and co-workers will notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you feeling about yourself?

Yes, these posts make me think this.

Are you a SAHM who is bored with your life/insecure about your own identity/capabilities? If so, focus on changing that.

For what it is worth, I would not consider those two women to be "work wives."

The one situation I ever saw that deserved that label was different. It was two workers who should have been at equal value (in terms of credentials) but the women became the man's handmaiden. Like they would go to meetings together just so she could keep his calendar. If you asked him if he would be free to attend a future meeting, he would say "you have to ask her, I can't keep my schedule straight." If someone asked him to write a recommendation, she would really pen it. MIND YOU, she was not a secretary in any way. She was a PHYSICIAN who had taken on an administrative leadership role (like him). But they became bound at the hip and he was definitely taking credit for her work, etc. It was weird.

Hah, that's well out of the ordinary and is very trad idea of a work wife. That good be more generalized patriarchy.

Also are you talking about Drs House and Cuddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH works with a team of about 20, both men and women, 1/3 being women. He talks about “Leah” and “Amy” quite often, and they are definitely his “work wives” if I’m correct about the meaning of that phrase. They know how he takes his coffee and about our child’s eczema; Leah even researched some remedies and told DH, who told me. Those are examples. Today, when the topic came up, he randomly told me how “great” Leah and Amy would be at something (that I am admittedly NOT great at, though his comment was not directed at me at all) and I got so irrationally fired up (internally, he has no idea, though I was close to blowing up about how tired I am of hearing about how “great” Leah and Amy are, and so I’m here now to seek advice so it doesn’t come to that.)

I’ve met them. I have no reason to believe anything nefarious is happening. They are both nice to me, but not overly nice, or standoffish, either. Both are married, not that that matters, but just throwing it out there. I have no idea why they make me feel so insecure. I’m being honest when I say I have NEVER felt this way about any of his female coworkers, or any other women for that matter, before, so I have no idea where this is coming from or what to do about it. Any advice?

This is weird if he wouldn't talk about his other friends like this.

My advice is to talk to him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would drive me crazy too. Do you hear him saying lots and lots of nice things about you? If you don’t maybe you can start there. He might be taking you for granted.

To others? Yes, occasionally. To me? Also yes, quite often.

This is why I can’t understand why I’m so bothered by this. He just as often speaks anecdotally about his male coworkers (even in the same way: he recently told me his male coworker told him which convenience store sells a coveted energy bar, as an example of something akin to the intimacy of knowing how he takes his coffee.)

I have never felt insecurity like this. I can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from.

You're getting older. How old are these two women?