DH has two “work wives” and it makes me irrationally crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coffee is work-fuel, so that is OK.

Anything that is his body, your body or the kids' bodies is off limits. That is the boundary.

So no talking about your kid’s eczema? That’s crazy by the way.

Right? I want to know how the eczema came up in conversation.

Do you not talk to people about things going on in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coffee is work-fuel, so that is OK.

Anything that is his body, your body or the kids' bodies is off limits. That is the boundary.

So no talking about your kid’s eczema? That’s crazy by the way.

Right? I want to know how the eczema came up in conversation.

No I meant the opposite. It’s totally nuts to limit that sort of banter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coffee is work-fuel, so that is OK.

Anything that is his body, your body or the kids' bodies is off limits. That is the boundary.

So no talking about your kid’s eczema? That’s crazy by the way.

Right? I want to know how the eczema came up in conversation.

They sound close and are beginning to share personal details of their lives. Emotional affairs are budding.

I come from a family with ezcema sufferers. There is absolutely nothing emotional about it. It’s a painful unsightly nuisance and we are always on the hunt for good options. It’s like a skin allergy. It is emotional and boundary crossing to say you have DC spring allergies?

[Anonymous]

Hm. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Not comparing your partner to other people is Relationships 101.

My DH had a female colleague who developed feelings for him and tried to incite him into an affair. I only know this because her mother confronted me about it at a company party. She would stare at me in a rude way the two times I remember meeting her. DH said she never spoke to him about it. The only reason I believe him is because her mother told me he had turned down her daughter’s ‘signals’ and insulted me as to why.

The female coworker left the company after that. DH got a new job after I told him I didn’t want him working for this family’s business if he wanted to stay married.

And before random people flame me for this, he got a higher paying, better job that he likes more overall, so I wasn’t being controlling. Toxic work environments are not good for careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s normal for feel mildly threatened in these circumstances. Women in the workplace are often still deferential and enjoy being caring and somewhat maternal to their male superiors. Ask yourself how many trays of holiday cookies are given to male doctors/dentists, etc. by female patients(of all ages) versus those received by female practitioners by patients of either gender. We all intuitively know that many workplaces recreate patriarchal families where the siblings compete for Daddy’s approval. Learn to let it go unless you see evidence of philandering- jealousy always weakens your position.

That’s the solution! OP starts calling them his Work Daughters. That will creep him right out.

The reason these relationships seem threatening is because we give them weird names. The word for a person you like, who knows some personal things about you is a "friend" in any other context. OP's husband has two "work friends."

This is what I'm confused about - OP says he talks about his male coworkers in the exact same way. What makes them "work wives"? Apart from their gender, does anything seem different than with the men?

[Anonymous]

From the other thread about the worker being secretive, this is exactly why he wants to be secretive and it’s because he doesn’t want to be accused of being nefarious in anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coffee is work-fuel, so that is OK.

Anything that is his body, your body or the kids' bodies is off limits. That is the boundary.

So no talking about your kid’s eczema? That’s crazy by the way.

Right? I want to know how the eczema came up in conversation.

They sound close and are beginning to share personal details of their lives. Emotional affairs are budding.

I come from a family with ezcema sufferers. There is absolutely nothing emotional about it. It’s a painful unsightly nuisance and we are always on the hunt for good options. It’s like a skin allergy. It is emotional and boundary crossing to say you have DC spring allergies?

A lot of medical issues are not emotional. But I like privacy. I'd rather not have random people I've never met know about my health issues, even though objectively speaking pollen allergies are not a sensitive topic.

[Anonymous]

Are they prettier than you?

Be honest here. That could be why. We all deal with insecurity. Honestly, you should make up a guy at work that you think is awesome. Imagine how he’d feel.

You’re right to be upset

[Anonymous]

My husband always worked with many women. Once when he was a new CEO at a small company and on a Friday I showed up at his office with my three kids to show them where daddy works, he knew I was coming, and I was dressed like a mom. From the receptionist to his assistant and every woman I met I decided I’d never show up there again looking like a mom. His assistant was great and was definitely a work wife but we got along really well.

[Anonymous]

My kid’s eczema was cured via a coworker’s tip, but that coworker is a 68 year old man (I’m a 45 y.o. woman). There is absolutely nothing “going on” between us.

It seems like everything is fine, OP, can you spend some more time trying to pinpoint what exactly is bothering you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Not comparing your partner to other people is Relationships 101.

My DH had a female colleague who developed feelings for him and tried to incite him into an affair. I only know this because her mother confronted me about it at a company party. She would stare at me in a rude way the two times I remember meeting her. DH said she never spoke to him about it. The only reason I believe him is because her mother told me he had turned down her daughter’s ‘signals’ and insulted me as to why.

The female coworker left the company after that. DH got a new job after I told him I didn’t want him working for this family’s business if he wanted to stay married.

And before random people flame me for this, he got a higher paying, better job that he likes more overall, so I wasn’t being controlling. Toxic work environments are not good for careers.

I'm sorry, can you clear up" The mother was insulting you because your husband wouldn't sleep w/ her daughter? And you said the female coworker left the company. Is it her family who owns the business?

[Anonymous]

3some at work

[Anonymous]

I had a work husband. It was completely innocent, both married but it was nice to have camaraderie and someone who was a friend in a workplace with an awful boss.

His wife showed up once with their child during the work day and gave me the death glare. There was nothing going on but she was clearly jealous.

I left that job eventually and didn't keep in touch, so not sure why she was so weird.

[Anonymous]

What is the difference between work husband/wife and work friend? Is there an additional element that goes beyond work friendships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between work husband/wife and work friend? Is there an additional element that goes beyond work friendships?

Um, yeah- the additional element is The Patriarchy.