When does mean girl drama get better?
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Anonymous
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DD is in 6th grade and it’s just a brutal year. There has been so much change among her friend group, and to be honest, these girls are just so mean to one another. They are competitive, catty, manipulative, gossipy, and plain old mean spirited.
DD has had one best friend since elementary even though they are part of a larger group of girls from our neighborhood. Since winter break, her best friend has started ignoring her completely at school and has befriended a different girl who my DD says doesn’t like her. But her best friend still texts her (my DD) non-stop to complain about the new friend and still wants to be friends with my DD just not in public. Sometimes I listen to these girls talk and they treat each other so horribly I just don’t get it. I am trying to work with my DD on being kind to everyone (even if you don’t want to be friends) but it’s hard when she sees and experiences such different behavior from others. Anyone have advice for how to help your child get through this phase? |
Anonymous
| It's not better in high school ime. Dd just went to a bday party at which a bunch of girls made fun of the bday girl (their good friend!) behind her back. It's disgusting and upsetting tbh. They tell each other mean things to their face too: you got a new pimple, you look so red today, you're kind of awkward...It never ends. Dd is strong in the face of it but she is also very disillusioned about people, at 16! |
Anonymous
| Never- have you been in the workplace, kids sports, PTA... basically any adult group? The mean girls still show their claws. The adult version mean girls are Karens and they are everywhere. |
Anonymous
| DD is seeing and feeling what she will experience for many more years as kids continue to change. Consider reading to your DD some selected comments from other threads where mom post about girl drama (lots of them) or look up more news or psychology articles about it and read some of those together— the idea is so she hears this is common. Still tough time, but it really does educate some as to what means to be a friend and what kind of relationships want in future. To that, help plan activities to fill her days and hopefully gets her some new kids to spend time with. |
Anonymous
| It peaked in 7th grade for my DD. Encourage a different friend group. There are other not mean kids. They may not be the most popular kids. |
Anonymous
| 45 and still dealing with it at work. |
Anonymous
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Nope never changes.
Sororities are no different than MS. Country Clubs same Suburban neighborhoods the same. Workplace same. Teach your girls to be intelligent kind competative humans and how to ignore the trolls. |
Anonymous
| Sooner the better for her to move on from old friend that wont talk to her in school, but will outside school if no one knows. If doesn’t want to go cold turkey, definitely set up so fewer meetups, b:c otherwise it’s taking up her time to meet new kids that could be better matches now. Sure the other girl may come back around again some time, but DD should not just be standing there waiting. |
Anonymous
+1 Preach. Each of those groups are no different than the other, because the mean girls peak in high school, OP. Teach your OP to be her own person, go in her own direction, make her own way, and be with her people - strong, independent, creative, brilliant, interesting women who have a joy for learning and know how to be happy, without trying to tear other women down. |
Anonymous
Also, OP your DD only needs one good, loyal friend. Soon enough, the friend group will expand organically. |
Anonymous
To OP- here’s a related thread to read through on kids generally and not just girls: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1185332.page |
Anonymous
+3 |
Anonymous
| It’s been a lot better now in 10th grade. My daughter and her friends still have disputes but it seems like they can talk through them more easily and they aren’t friendship ending, and there is less excluding of one person and less canceling |
Anonymous
Unfortunately this. My DD had a group of friends and brought in a new girl, who was new to the area. Well, that girl ended up basically power grabbing all the friends and now they don't include my kid, who is the kindest of the bunch and always inclusive. Even with other friends, she now lacks the sort of "tribe" that she had before. Not included in meeting up, excluded from bdays, group chats, etc. This has taken a HUGE mental toll on my child and her confidence. (My kid is in HS). I want to throat punch that one kid, but social norms dictate that I do not. So I silently seethe an try to support my child. |
Anonymous
| I am dealing with this in my office now and most of the women are in their 40s... |