When does mean girl drama get better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dealing with this in my office now and most of the women are in their 40s...

Same. I don’t really bother with women. I hate us. I hate men too but in general and outside of work they’re better to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's an example of mean girls in the workplace...I worked with almost all women, our boss was a man. One woman was super hot and posted on her Instagram page (which I didn't follow) a picture of her in a white bathing suit with her legs spread apart and an emoji over the crotch area. Ok, not the most professional but also this had nothing to do with work.

One of the "mean girls" ran into my office and thrust this in my face and was like can you believe what Janice put on her Instagram? This mean girl was like the lieutenant to another woman coworker and they were always scheming to bring the other women down, they had been discussing how they could use this picture against Janice and tried to get me into that. I ended up quitting that job because I couldn't handle the drama (and got a better offer) but they do exist.

OP, sorry about your daughter. The best cure for mean girls is to find real friends, regardless of who they are. In my dd's middle school the mean girls' parents seem to be the ones who are eager for the girls to stay in this group, even though one mom called the group "vicious." Once you stop carrying about who is popular and go for who likes you for who you are then real friendships are made. I have a MS daughter so get that it is easier said than done.

Ok, that Instagram post was fair game. I’d be gossiping about that too 😂 come on!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's an example of mean girls in the workplace...I worked with almost all women, our boss was a man. One woman was super hot and posted on her Instagram page (which I didn't follow) a picture of her in a white bathing suit with her legs spread apart and an emoji over the crotch area. Ok, not the most professional but also this had nothing to do with work.

One of the "mean girls" ran into my office and thrust this in my face and was like can you believe what Janice put on her Instagram? This mean girl was like the lieutenant to another woman coworker and they were always scheming to bring the other women down, they had been discussing how they could use this picture against Janice and tried to get me into that. I ended up quitting that job because I couldn't handle the drama (and got a better offer) but they do exist.

OP, sorry about your daughter. The best cure for mean girls is to find real friends, regardless of who they are. In my dd's middle school the mean girls' parents seem to be the ones who are eager for the girls to stay in this group, even though one mom called the group "vicious." Once you stop carrying about who is popular and go for who likes you for who you are then real friendships are made. I have a MS daughter so get that it is easier said than done.

Ok, that Instagram post was fair game. I’d be gossiping about that too 😂 come on!!

+1

Women who do that want people to talk about her. The problem is she can’t control what people say. She wants everyone to say she is fire but when people are are saying she looks like a slut and whore, she gets upset.

Unfortunately, mean girls become mean women and mean moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never- have you been in the workplace, kids sports, PTA... basically any adult group? The mean girls still show their claws. The adult version mean girls are Karens and they are everywhere.

Unfortunately this.

My DD had a group of friends and brought in a new girl, who was new to the area. Well, that girl ended up basically power grabbing all the friends and now they don't include my kid, who is the kindest of the bunch and always inclusive. Even with other friends, she now lacks the sort of "tribe" that she had before. Not included in meeting up, excluded from bdays, group chats, etc. This has taken a HUGE mental toll on my child and her confidence. (My kid is in HS).

I want to throat punch that one kid, but social norms dictate that I do not. So I silently seethe an try to support my child.

We had pretty much the exact same thing happen, also in high school. I’m sorry, it does suck. DD says it doesn’t bother her, but I suspect it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 6th grade and it’s just a brutal year. There has been so much change among her friend group, and to be honest, these girls are just so mean to one another. They are competitive, catty, manipulative, gossipy, and plain old mean spirited.

DD has had one best friend since elementary even though they are part of a larger group of girls from our neighborhood. Since winter break, her best friend has started ignoring her completely at school and has befriended a different girl who my DD says doesn’t like her. But her best friend still texts her (my DD) non-stop to complain about the new friend and still wants to be friends with my DD just not in public.

Sometimes I listen to these girls talk and they treat each other so horribly I just don’t get it. I am trying to work with my DD on being kind to everyone (even if you don’t want to be friends) but it’s hard when she sees and experiences such different behavior from others.

Anyone have advice for how to help your child get through this phase?

I mean, there are "reality" television shows with mean girls as the premise.

[Anonymous]

Almost 60 and they're still at it. They're called "moms" now, and they run the PTA and the board of your community pool.

[Anonymous]

Many posts address the 'what'; the behaviors. The issue is 'why'; insecurity.
Scaffold your DD to be confident, secure, and goal-directed. All this noise evaporates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many posts address the 'what'; the behaviors. The issue is 'why'; insecurity.
Scaffold your DD to be confident, secure, and goal-directed. All this noise evaporates.

+1

[Anonymous]

So many women embracing victimhood here. It’s one thing for a child to feel helpless or overwhelmed by mean people but as an adult? Know your strength. Avoid the jerks when you can, ignore them when you cannot. And yes, I have had plenty of people be mean to me. I don’t resort to high school tropes to define the situation. You’re better than the jerks.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that girls want to be liked, need a group to feel safe, and often the clique makes them feel worse. Like Dr. Phil says, it's better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else. Not only are girls insecure, but also afraid to be alone. Sometimes your strength is in not needing to be part of a dysfunctional group.

[Anonymous]

We pulled our DD out of private school because of all the mean girls. It definitely started at home because their moms were mean girls too. Once in DCPS, we’ve had zero issues. I was surprised. But the girls in her elementary school were all incredibly nice. Zero issues at middle and high school so far.

I think diversity of incomes is a fabulous thing. You don’t get that in private school and I think mean girls tend to be in upper incomes more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's an example of mean girls in the workplace...I worked with almost all women, our boss was a man. One woman was super hot and posted on her Instagram page (which I didn't follow) a picture of her in a white bathing suit with her legs spread apart and an emoji over the crotch area. Ok, not the most professional but also this had nothing to do with work.

One of the "mean girls" ran into my office and thrust this in my face and was like can you believe what Janice put on her Instagram? This mean girl was like the lieutenant to another woman coworker and they were always scheming to bring the other women down, they had been discussing how they could use this picture against Janice and tried to get me into that. I ended up quitting that job because I couldn't handle the drama (and got a better offer) but they do exist.

OP, sorry about your daughter. The best cure for mean girls is to find real friends, regardless of who they are. In my dd's middle school the mean girls' parents seem to be the ones who are eager for the girls to stay in this group, even though one mom called the group "vicious." Once you stop carrying about who is popular and go for who likes you for who you are then real friendships are made. I have a MS daughter so get that it is easier said than done.

Ok, that Instagram post was fair game. I’d be gossiping about that too 😂 come on!!

I would NOT consider that work story to be mean girl behavior. I would be in for the gossip!! Come on, she posted it on IG. She wants people to talk about it! If my friend kept that kind of stuff from me, I wouldn’t consider them my real friend LOL. But that’s the point really!! You have to find friends with shared interests. Just because someone doesn’t share your interests doesn’t mean they’re mean. My 9th grade son and his friends know they’re dorks in the highest level classes but they are happy. They don’t look at the jocks as mean boys for not including them. They know they have other interests.

[Anonymous]

I have been more interventionist with my kids' friends than I'd ever thought I'd be, but it's mostly worked. When their friends are nice, I invite them to do things with the family, encourage the friendship, liaise with the parents re: camps & weekends away; when their friends are mean, I don't say a word, but never proactively invite them to anything or befriend their parents. It has worked to largely steer them towards nice kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's an example of mean girls in the workplace...I worked with almost all women, our boss was a man. One woman was super hot and posted on her Instagram page (which I didn't follow) a picture of her in a white bathing suit with her legs spread apart and an emoji over the crotch area. Ok, not the most professional but also this had nothing to do with work.

One of the "mean girls" ran into my office and thrust this in my face and was like can you believe what Janice put on her Instagram? This mean girl was like the lieutenant to another woman coworker and they were always scheming to bring the other women down, they had been discussing how they could use this picture against Janice and tried to get me into that. I ended up quitting that job because I couldn't handle the drama (and got a better offer) but they do exist.

OP, sorry about your daughter. The best cure for mean girls is to find real friends, regardless of who they are. In my dd's middle school the mean girls' parents seem to be the ones who are eager for the girls to stay in this group, even though one mom called the group "vicious." Once you stop carrying about who is popular and go for who likes you for who you are then real friendships are made. I have a MS daughter so get that it is easier said than done.

Ok, that Instagram post was fair game. I’d be gossiping about that too 😂 come on!!

I would NOT consider that work story to be mean girl behavior. I would be in for the gossip!! Come on, she posted it on IG. She wants people to talk about it! If my friend kept that kind of stuff from me, I wouldn’t consider them my real friend LOL. But that’s the point really!! You have to find friends with shared interests. Just because someone doesn’t share your interests doesn’t mean they’re mean. My 9th grade son and his friends know they’re dorks in the highest level classes but they are happy. They don’t look at the jocks as mean boys for not including them. They know they have other interests.

I want to add that I would have wanted to see the photo. I wouldn’t scheme against anyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost 60 and they're still at it. They're called "moms" now, and they run the PTA and the board of your community pool.

Yup. My husband has lots of friends and doesn’t understand why I don’t. I have a few over the years but none local.