tell me about your marriage if both spouses have untreated ADHD
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| The good, the bad, the ugly |
Anonymous
| I'm checking DCUM instead of doing my responsibilities |
Anonymous
|
No idea, I think aspergers/ aspergers would be a good nice low key match. Still chaos, but prob live a simple introverted life or focus on work or hyper interests. Kids would probably inherit the same.
Adhd/ adhd prob all the impulsivity, hyperactivity cycles and inattentiveness. Need to sue a lot of tech crutches to stay on time or pay the bills or remember to do stuff. Don’t have more than 1 kid. |
Anonymous
|
Not sure what you want to know.
We did fairly well in school and have high paying jobs. Me because my parents really supported me, and DH because he is brilliant. You can think of ADHD as the ability to completely shift your focus quickly, which means that it’s easy to lose your keys or burn dinner, but, because of our professions, it’s actually kind of an asset for both of us at work. Our home is not well organized or well decorated. We have four kids and often have many other kids over at the house. The chaos of kids doesn’t get to me. We don’t have a television because the background noise of television does get to me. We have a lot of amazing people in our lives that help with stuff. We have a housekeeper 3-4 days a week who helps keep things organized. The kids have had some teachers over the years that worked with them on keeping things organized at school. We have a travel agent that plans vacations and things for us. We put a lot of things on autopilot as much as possible (bills of course, but also lawn care, window washing, flowers for extended family birthdays, car maintenance, household deep cleaning, etc). I don’t know. It’s not perfect, but we are a fun and happy family. Also, I know that you said “untreated,” but I do take Vyvanse on my days off, and it helps. |
Anonymous
Np. I need a housekeeper to help organize the house but can't find one. I tend to hire people who are great but also struggle with EF skills. I wished I could keep our former nanny full-time as a housekeeper, but she's even messier than us. Our cleaning lady can clean, but cannot tidy up to save her life. |
Anonymous
|
It looks like:
-parking tickets with penalties -filing taxes late -last minute vacation planning -running out of toilet paper -being reminded to go grocery shopping -never sending Christmas cards -never being a bridesmaid -knowing better than to volunteer for opportunities at kids school -not maximizing kids educational opportunities -underachieving at work for your educational level |
Anonymous
|
It looks like foreclosures and evictions
|
Anonymous
| I've long suspected that DH has the HD part of ADHD while I suspect I have the AD part. So we balance each other out, I guess. He's quick to act, I can't make a decision. |
Anonymous
+1. All of the above but many fully believe this normal and everyone in the world functions at this same very level. |
Anonymous
This. If it's both partners, they really might not realize (or they might be kidding themselves). I have a friend with really obvious untreated ADHD (and he's SO much fun), and he was honestly just gobsmacked to realize that some people plan vacations more than a few weeks in advance. |
Anonymous
Same very dysfunctional level. |
Anonymous
Oh no! How terrible to have people out there not functioning at the optimal level. |
Anonymous
|
I know a family of introverts who are actually pretty nasty and narrow minded about it.
They cannot fathom why anyone would have their kids do a sport, or decorate their house, or go on vacations, or talk during dinner. That’s just all too much work and so unnecessary. And tell you so. Oh and “emotions are weakness”, they told me that one too. |
Anonymous
It is terrible if they think everyone functions at the same level. That’s untrue. |
Anonymous
+1 I’m treated (fairly recently), spouse is not. We have systems in place to avoid “ADHD tax” but unfortunately they are incompatible sometimes - I have everything on autopay and am usually always resetting my passwords for anything not saved by my computer automatically. Spouse has everything written down, but completely chaotically and can sometimes not find the notebook or even figure out what they meant or wrote down. If spouse gets a bill, they will write a check and mail it almost right away, even if it means being late for the next thing. I had no idea not everyone lives like this. It’s doable, but can be exhausting. But I also think I’d find it harder to live with them if I didn’t have ADHD myself. |