Husband Told Me to Call My AP

[Anonymous]

My H thinks I had an affair with a man at my former employer. I had a "non-consensual" relationship with a superior and was fired, as was he. My H discovered the "affair" when a process server came to the house related to a lawsuit I initiated against my employer. He also found documents I have been sharing with my lawyers on our shared household computer. He has moved out and says he wants a divorce.

Last week, I injured my back in the gym. I have been asking him to come back to help me around the house. Today, he texted me "I am sorry your back still hurts. Maybe it would be good for you to see a doctor. There are some nearby in-network on our insurance." I told him I need him to take care of me. He responded that for that, I should call the AP.

I cannot believe he just abandons me when I am hurting.

[Anonymous]

what's up with the quotes around "non-consensual" and "affair"?

[Anonymous]

This cannot be real

[Anonymous]

Are you saying that a superior raped you? And then you both got fired? And your husband thinks it was an affair and you feel sad that he left you?

[Anonymous]

And then he told me to call the AP

[Anonymous]

He's right. Stop playing games and lying to him.

[Anonymous]

Bet this is the OP of the two threads asking whether to confront her DH’s AP.

Such a busy little poster.

[Anonymous]

Here is the situation: I worked at a large law firm. I had a relationship with a partner that went beyond professional. I felt I was not in a position to say no, and I met for dates over several months. I agreed to an out-of-court settlement with the Law Firm. My partner and I no longer work there. My H knew nothing about any of it, as it all occurred while he was on extended TDY. He found the settlement documents on our shared household computer. H said he is more upset about my hiding the whole settlement than the fact that I might have had an affair. He says if I was indeed sexually abused at work, why wouldn't I tell him, and further that I hid the settlement from him is a breach of trust that cannot be repaired.

I have always felt with his constant travel that H is never there to take care of me. Now, I need him when I have a back injury and he won't help.

[Anonymous]

Op, are you earning a living?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the situation: I worked at a large law firm. I had a relationship with a partner that went beyond professional. I felt I was not in a position to say no, and I met for dates over several months. I agreed to an out-of-court settlement with the Law Firm. My partner and I no longer work there. My H knew nothing about any of it, as it all occurred while he was on extended TDY. He found the settlement documents on our shared household computer. H said he is more upset about my hiding the whole settlement than the fact that I might have had an affair. He says if I was indeed sexually abused at work, why wouldn't I tell him, and further that I hid the settlement from him is a breach of trust that cannot be repaired.

I have always felt with his constant travel that H is never there to take care of me. Now, I need him when I have a back injury and he won't help.

Ugh I can’t blame your husband. You did so many inappropriate things and lied so much and kept so many secrets. I hope this is a troll. And if you are the affair-spammer, get a life, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the situation: I worked at a large law firm. I had a relationship with a partner that went beyond professional. I felt I was not in a position to say no, and I met for dates over several months. I agreed to an out-of-court settlement with the Law Firm. My partner and I no longer work there. My H knew nothing about any of it, as it all occurred while he was on extended TDY. He found the settlement documents on our shared household computer. H said he is more upset about my hiding the whole settlement than the fact that I might have had an affair. He says if I was indeed sexually abused at work, why wouldn't I tell him, and further that I hid the settlement from him is a breach of trust that cannot be repaired.

I have always felt with his constant travel that H is never there to take care of me. Now, I need him when I have a back injury and he won't help.

He’s right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the situation: I worked at a large law firm. I had a relationship with a partner that went beyond professional. I felt I was not in a position to say no, and I met for dates over several months. I agreed to an out-of-court settlement with the Law Firm. My partner and I no longer work there. My H knew nothing about any of it, as it all occurred while he was on extended TDY. He found the settlement documents on our shared household computer. H said he is more upset about my hiding the whole settlement than the fact that I might have had an affair. He says if I was indeed sexually abused at work, why wouldn't I tell him, and further that I hid the settlement from him is a breach of trust that cannot be repaired.

I have always felt with his constant travel that H is never there to take care of me. Now, I need him when I have a back injury and he won't help.

Of course he won't nor should he. You're delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is the situation: I worked at a large law firm. I had a relationship with a partner that went beyond professional. I felt I was not in a position to say no, and I met for dates over several months. I agreed to an out-of-court settlement with the Law Firm. My partner and I no longer work there. My H knew nothing about any of it, as it all occurred while he was on extended TDY. He found the settlement documents on our shared household computer. H said he is more upset about my hiding the whole settlement than the fact that I might have had an affair. He says if I was indeed sexually abused at work, why wouldn't I tell him, and further that I hid the settlement from him is a breach of trust that cannot be repaired.

I have always felt with his constant travel that H is never there to take care of me. Now, I need him when I have a back injury and he won't help.

Your husband is absolutely right to be upset that you concealed this from him, particularly the lawsuit part. It's generally very poor form to get upset for how someone discloses their assault, but I think he is being way more hardline about it than the situation calls for.

Do you want to be married to him? If not, don't bother with the score keeping about his travel vs. his stated availability. If you do, honestly, OP, why? This doesn't sound like a great situation.

I also don't know what TDY is, but that doesn't seem material.

[Anonymous]

It is very weird that you wouldn't share the circumstances of your leaving your job with him and/or that he never asked. And it sounds like you did in fact have an affair. Your ex is probably processing all that and may not fully trust what you are telling him.

[Anonymous]

You left your job without telling him why. You sued your employer without telling him. You settled the case without telling him. You were sexually harassed by your boss without telling him. He's moved out and wants a divorce. Why would you expect him to "take care" of you?