LDR situationship with a guy friend in mid-life

[Anonymous]

Op, enjoy this man’s company. Stop fretting and truly enjoy him in every way. You both know what marriage is like and you both have exited that institution either by choice or circumstance. Either way, there’s no "right way" to be with someone. The long distance thing may be a blessing. That’s what is now presented to you. If he’s a decent human being and you think there’s a chance you two could stay together after the kids are off to college (may seem like a long time now, but it will pass quickly), then continue dating and building towards the future. Keep it simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, enjoy this man’s company. Stop fretting and truly enjoy him in every way. You both know what marriage is like and you both have exited that institution either by choice or circumstance. Either way, there’s no "right way" to be with someone. The long distance thing may be a blessing. That’s what is now presented to you. If he’s a decent human being and you think there’s a chance you two could stay together after the kids are off to college (may seem like a long time now, but it will pass quickly), then continue dating and building towards the future. Keep it simple.

That sounds very logical but I will get attached if it goes on much longer, and I’m really wary of getting hurt right now. I wish I could just keep it simple.

[Anonymous]

Northern British Columbia is a very long flight away...

[Anonymous]

Northern British Columbia is an amazing place to live. With two young kids, I’d move there in a heartbeat. Are you sure their dad wouldn’t be ok with moving? Maybe he’s sick of DC.

Anyway, fantasy aside — maybe you can spend part of the summer there. Maybe he could come to DC for extended amounts of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason the sex is so good is because neither of you care.

Honestly this. It's easy. He gets the emotional support and sex of having a girlfriend without having to do the work of a boyfriend.
Same with op as far as sex goes.
It's not a real relationship.
It's fantasy it's fun stuff.
My advice is not to cut yourself off from a relationship nearby ( if you might want one) by being caught up in this guy.

Do not get pregnant. I repeat do not get pregnant.

The ratio of text to sex is so high that it doesn’t seem like it would be worth it if it were just about the sex. Surely he can find women locally to just sleep with.

Maybe he already ran through them or is saving them for when he wants to be serious.
But what's more likely is he's sleeping with locals and op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Northern British Columbia is an amazing place to live. With two young kids, I’d move there in a heartbeat. Are you sure their dad wouldn’t be ok with moving? Maybe he’s sick of DC.

Anyway, fantasy aside — maybe you can spend part of the summer there. Maybe he could come to DC for extended amounts of time.

Yeah I'm sure dad would love to move do op could hump another man.
What lifetime movie do some of you live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, enjoy this man’s company. Stop fretting and truly enjoy him in every way. You both know what marriage is like and you both have exited that institution either by choice or circumstance. Either way, there’s no "right way" to be with someone. The long distance thing may be a blessing. That’s what is now presented to you. If he’s a decent human being and you think there’s a chance you two could stay together after the kids are off to college (may seem like a long time now, but it will pass quickly), then continue dating and building towards the future. Keep it simple.

That sounds very logical but I will get attached if it goes on much longer, and I’m really wary of getting hurt right now. I wish I could just keep it simple.

Stop acting like a helpless child! You have choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s easy and comfortable intimacy without the bother of the daily minutiae of life.

Agree but i was thinking of this as a fantastic benefit. Honestly sounds like a perfect relationship to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Northern British Columbia is an amazing place to live. With two young kids, I’d move there in a heartbeat. Are you sure their dad wouldn’t be ok with moving? Maybe he’s sick of DC.

Anyway, fantasy aside — maybe you can spend part of the summer there. Maybe he could come to DC for extended amounts of time.

Most Americans cannot just move to Canada and establish residency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems worth it, OP. The real deal. "Uprooting" is less scary than people think.

Except they both have ES age kids.

If go for it. They already know each other well it’s not an unknown their kids are young and they each live in good places. Only question is why they can each work from the others country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Northern British Columbia is an amazing place to live. With two young kids, I’d move there in a heartbeat. Are you sure their dad wouldn’t be ok with moving? Maybe he’s sick of DC.

Anyway, fantasy aside — maybe you can spend part of the summer there. Maybe he could come to DC for extended amounts of time.

Yeah I'm sure dad would love to move do op could hump another man.
What lifetime movie do some of you live in?

OP here. Indeed Northern BC is beautiful but not a lot of job opportunities for me (and especially my XH, who I doubt would want to live in a smaller town where he knows no one except his ex wife and her new love interest... that's never going to work and I'd never even bring it up with him). And considering a move is getting waay ahead of ourselves. I guess I will keep in touch and see how things go organically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason the sex is so good is because neither of you care.

Honestly this. It's easy. He gets the emotional support and sex of having a girlfriend without having to do the work of a boyfriend.
Same with op as far as sex goes.
It's not a real relationship.
It's fantasy it's fun stuff.
My advice is not to cut yourself off from a relationship nearby ( if you might want one) by being caught up in this guy.

Do not get pregnant. I repeat do not get pregnant.

The ratio of text to sex is so high that it doesn’t seem like it would be worth it if it were just about the sex. Surely he can find women locally to just sleep with.

He can, and would if he could. I don’t know what the sex ratio is in a remote place like the Canadian tundra but there can’t be many available women. He might be really bored, the sun is setting at like 3pm up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason the sex is so good is because neither of you care.

Honestly this. It's easy. He gets the emotional support and sex of having a girlfriend without having to do the work of a boyfriend.
Same with op as far as sex goes.
It's not a real relationship.
It's fantasy it's fun stuff.
My advice is not to cut yourself off from a relationship nearby ( if you might want one) by being caught up in this guy.

Do not get pregnant. I repeat do not get pregnant.

The ratio of text to sex is so high that it doesn’t seem like it would be worth it if it were just about the sex. Surely he can find women locally to just sleep with.

He can, and would if he could. I don’t know what the sex ratio is in a remote place like the Canadian tundra but there can’t be many available women. He might be really bored, the sun is setting at like 3pm up there.

LOL.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, enjoy this man’s company. Stop fretting and truly enjoy him in every way. You both know what marriage is like and you both have exited that institution either by choice or circumstance. Either way, there’s no "right way" to be with someone. The long distance thing may be a blessing. That’s what is now presented to you. If he’s a decent human being and you think there’s a chance you two could stay together after the kids are off to college (may seem like a long time now, but it will pass quickly), then continue dating and building towards the future. Keep it simple.

That sounds very logical but I will get attached if it goes on much longer, and I’m really wary of getting hurt right now. I wish I could just keep it simple.

OP unless you guys are willing to carry on a LDR until your kids are in college I would just enjoy the hot sex on occasion. But recognize that’s all that’s available. I for one would be thrilled with this arrangement, but for some people sex and emotions are so tied up together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, enjoy this man’s company. Stop fretting and truly enjoy him in every way. You both know what marriage is like and you both have exited that institution either by choice or circumstance. Either way, there’s no "right way" to be with someone. The long distance thing may be a blessing. That’s what is now presented to you. If he’s a decent human being and you think there’s a chance you two could stay together after the kids are off to college (may seem like a long time now, but it will pass quickly), then continue dating and building towards the future. Keep it simple.

That sounds very logical but I will get attached if it goes on much longer, and I’m really wary of getting hurt right now. I wish I could just keep it simple.

OP unless you guys are willing to carry on a LDR until your kids are in college I would just enjoy the hot sex on occasion. But recognize that’s all that’s available. I for one would be thrilled with this arrangement, but for some people sex and emotions are so tied up together.

Are you male or female, PP? I definitely get emotionally attached after good sex, and this is already genuinely a friend, so yeah... --OP