Tips on having a discreet, private pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience?

[Anonymous]

Currently 7 weeks pg.

What I (and also DH) do not want:
-A baby shower
-To be photographed while pregnant
-Anyone we know besides DH & I at the hospital
-To announce the pregnancy prior to 1-2 months before the birth
-any social media posts about the pregnancy

Absolutely no way are either of our parents stepping foot in our house until baby is several months old, nor will we be willing to travel with baby before that time.

We don’t care about strangers, coworkers, friends or acquaintances knowing. We have clingy families. They all live 2-4 hours away.

[Anonymous]

"-To be photographed while pregnant"
Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"-To be photographed while pregnant"
Why?

Because I simply do not. Also, don’t want family to know & refuse to be in any social media pics while pregnant. No hospital pics except of baby only, either.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t post anything about my pregnancies until the birth announcement x 3 kids.

It was very easy to pull off through the magic of simply not posting. No tips. Your life is easily made as private as you choose. After all it’s not like you have paparazzi following you.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you do you. But just understand that recluse behavior like this will be viewed by people who care about you as concerning.

Also, you're about to have a child. You should probably adjust the rigidity in your thinking more generally.

[Anonymous]

There might be unforeseen and unintended ripple effects from the extreme secrecy about this. Fyi.

On that note, it's really not that hard to be discreet. You do talk about it openly, you hide the physical discomfort (good luck with morning sickness, vaginally varicose veins, round ligament pain, BH, etc), and otherwise wear bulky winter clothes as Fall and winter approach.

[Anonymous]

"L&D came on so fast and unexpected, we didn't have time to call before heading to tbe hospital. But who cares, Little Larla is here now"

[Anonymous]

I had some of these feelings, too, OP, but you really don't want to act on them. Do you really want to raise your baby without their extended family?

[Anonymous]

You timed it right to hide your third trimester under warmer clothes! No need to post pictures. Phone calls instead of Facetime. What will you do for Thanksgiving and Hanukkah/Christmas or any of your families' usual gathering times? Also, not sure what you want to do about work, but at some point they will notice.

[Anonymous]

Just dont post about it. I do recommend taking pictures for yourself and your kid though. It’s an interesting time and fun to look back on. Just don’t post them.

People who saw me when I was pregnant knew that I was pregnant. It was never a secret. But after the baby arrived, there were still lots of shocked people because I was pregnant over winter and had a giant coat instead of a maternity coat.

I love my family but they didnt come to the hospital and non-local family didn’t visit for a couple weeks at our request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t post anything about my pregnancies until the birth announcement x 3 kids.

It was very easy to pull off through the magic of simply not posting. No tips. Your life is easily made as private as you choose. After all it’s not like you have paparazzi following you.

Friends and extended family found out about our baby #4 by our Christmas card/birth announcement. We waited for some testing, etc. and by then just chose not to share about the pregnancy unless we had to - and we mostly didn't. But I wouldn't go into hiding over it. And there are no pictures.

[Anonymous]

I think you can do what you want and this is all possible. But why? Are you embarrassed or ashamed? Is it a body image issue?

If your family is terrible, can you pay for some hired support people/services after the birth? (Cleaners, takeout or prepped meals, maybe baby nurse). It’s really hard to do all this without support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently 7 weeks pg.

What I (and also DH) do not want:
-A baby shower
-To be photographed while pregnant
-Anyone we know besides DH & I at the hospital
-To announce the pregnancy prior to 1-2 months before the birth
-any social media posts about the pregnancy

Absolutely no way are either of our parents stepping foot in our house until baby is several months old, nor will we be willing to travel with baby before that time.

We don’t care about strangers, coworkers, friends or acquaintances knowing. We have clingy families. They all live 2-4 hours away.

Why?

[Anonymous]

None of this is hard, OP.

Anonymous wrote:Currently 7 weeks pg.

What I (and also DH) do not want:
-A baby shower If someone offers, just say no thank you
-To be photographed while pregnant Are you famous, do you have paparrazzi following you around? Just decline if friends ask
-Anyone we know besides DH & I at the hospital Don't tell anyone you are going
-To announce the pregnancy prior to 1-2 months before the birth Then, don't
-any social media posts about the pregnancy Again, don't

Absolutely no way are either of our parents stepping foot in our house until baby is several months old, nor will we be willing to travel with baby before that time. This is where it gets weird - you don't need to isolate a baby for several months, its not good for them. Ask people who had babies during the first part of Covid.

We don’t care about strangers, coworkers, friends or acquaintances knowing. We have clingy families. They all live 2-4 hours away.

[Anonymous]

OP, I say this as someone who is also private about a lot of things, including my kids, but you're in for a rough road. You can't control everything. You can establish boundaries, of course. But I think the bigger issue here is why you are so concerned about some of these things. Why don't you want to be photographed pregnant--you don't want any photos for yourself during this time (or to show your child when they are older)?

If you don't care about friends or coworkers knowing, how do you plan to keep THEM from doing something that your families might see (like posting on social media)? You can ask people to refrain from posting on social media or to take something down, but you can't control them. If you are that concerned, you should keep it quiet from everyone until it's no longer possible, including friends and acquaintances. The baby shower is easy enough--just tell anyone who asks that you don't want one. Done.

Lastly, I'll say that you just have to learn to say no and mean it: about the baby shower, about who will be present at the hospital, about when you'll be able to receive visitors or travel after the baby is born. Your family may be upset and may push back, but if you feel that strongly, just stand your ground. This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to setting boundaries and making decisions about your child that your family may disagree with. But at the same time, adjusting expectations, accepting that you cannot control everything, keeping things in perspective and knowing which battles to fight is part of being a parent.