Tips on having a discreet, private pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds really weird. Is there some sort of abuse situation going on? Or are you suffering from Main Character Syndrome? I can’t figure out which one it is, and would tailor my advice accordingly

Not OP but I have creepy female family members. Have been to family baby showers where aunts repeatedly comment on the expectant mom’s boob size.

[Anonymous]

I did this in my pregnancy after a stillbirth. First, I got off social media. Then I emailed friends and family and told them what I wanted (including not commenting on my appearance, what I was eating or not etc) unless I mentioned it first, and asking them not to be offended if I stayed away, didn’t share etc. It all worked out fine and many people wrote back appreciating the guidance I provided.

[Anonymous]

I'm the total opposite of you and had all four grandparents at the hospital with both of my kids. Their choice, not mine, but I didn't really care if they wanted to sit in a waiting room for 10 hours--I was too preoccupied to really care. But that was pre-COVID and I think it would be easy to avoid that issue by saying the hospital only allows one person now (your DH).

I don't understand how you think you will keep your pregnancy under wraps until 1-2 months out but I don't know your situation. My parents would have been very confused and hurt if I waited that long but if you have your reasons, you do you. I just don't know how realistic it will be.

[Anonymous]

Just don't have a big mouth. It's really that simple.

[Anonymous]

yes, and wear loose clothes. was able to keep it under wraps until 6 months - I get it OP. Congrats and best of luck to you and your growing family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds really weird. Is there some sort of abuse situation going on? Or are you suffering from Main Character Syndrome? I can’t figure out which one it is, and would tailor my advice accordingly

Not OP but I have creepy female family members. Have been to family baby showers where aunts repeatedly comment on the expectant mom’s boob size.

…okay? Soooo, roll your eyes and laugh about it with your friends / mom / whoever later. If it bothers you that much and you just MUST speak up, call them out in the moment. I swear, people are so ridiculous and dramatic these days…how ever are you going to handle being a parent??

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have a baby shower. I announced my first pregnancy when I was 6-7 months and showing. I never announced my 2nd - just baby pics after he was born. I didn’t refuse photos, but I also didn’t comment on any photos that I was pregnant or pose to accentuate my belly. No one was at the hospital besides my husband and doula for either birth. We didn’t have visitors with our first for almost 2 weeks.

We’re not controlling or weird, we’re just private and I am an introvert. We also didn’t make a big deal of it or make any grand pronouncements about what we would or would not do. In that way, our behavior was very much aligned with our pre-child personas and behaviors and no one seemed surprised or disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shiv, is that you?

OP here no lol I just started S2

[Anonymous]

I mean, just don’t post about it on social media then. No one says you have to make any sort of formal announcement

[Anonymous]

I am pretty private as well and don't like to be the center of attention at all but ... This is weird lol

Sure, you announce it when you announce it.
Wear looser clothing early on in the pregnancy.
Stay on top of gentle exercise to minimize weight gain/ bloat
Stay hydrated

No one will most likely notice until the last trimester or at least that was my case with both kiddos but I carry small and everybody is different.

If you're not the picture type, and you don't announce until late second or third trimester, people will not take pictures.

I didn't do baby showers with either of my pregnancies but people still sent me stuff anyway (which was nice)

It was just me and DH during labor but the second kid was during COVID so that wasn't an issue with anyone.

We had no visitors for the first 90 days with both kids because of germs. Again the second kid was during COVID so that was no issue.

You don't really need a game plan. Just live your life, set boundaries, and do whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this in my pregnancy after a stillbirth. First, I got off social media. Then I emailed friends and family and told them what I wanted (including not commenting on my appearance, what I was eating or not etc) unless I mentioned it first, and asking them not to be offended if I stayed away, didn’t share etc. It all worked out fine and many people wrote back appreciating the guidance I provided.

I'm sorry for your loss! These sound like very smart ways to preserve your peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"-To be photographed while pregnant"
Why?

Because I simply do not. Also, don’t want family to know & refuse to be in any social media pics while pregnant. No hospital pics except of baby only, either.

At least take some snapshots for your kid to see --they'll want to, trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t have a baby shower. I announced my first pregnancy when I was 6-7 months and showing. I never announced my 2nd - just baby pics after he was born. I didn’t refuse photos, but I also didn’t comment on any photos that I was pregnant or pose to accentuate my belly. No one was at the hospital besides my husband and doula for either birth. We didn’t have visitors with our first for almost 2 weeks.

We’re not controlling or weird, we’re just private and I am an introvert. We also didn’t make a big deal of it or make any grand pronouncements about what we would or would not do. In that way, our behavior was very much aligned with our pre-child personas and behaviors and no one seemed surprised or disappointed.

This is the way. Nobody is going to kidnap you and take you to a baby shower and photography session.

[Anonymous]

I had a miscarriage at 18 weeks so for my second pregnancy, I was skittish. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant till 7 months. I looked like I gained a tiny bit of weight, but no one really noticed or was afraid to ask. Just lay low, but I did have a shower and sent announcements at 6 months. I did not post on any social media, and still don't. My moments with my kids are mostly private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, just don’t post about it on social media then. No one says you have to make any sort of formal announcement

This is what I did. I had personal conversations with the people who needed to know or who I wanted to tell. Otherwise, the first extended friends knew I was pregnant was when I decided to post an announcement on social media when my baby was two months old. At least one of them apparently assumed my kid was adopted because I wasn’t obviously pregnant/didn’t bring it up when I saw her when I was 6 months pregnant. I didn’t find it hard in the least. I let some friends host a very low key baby shower but could absolutely have said no if I had not wanted to do it.