DD is overweight - what to do?

[Anonymous]

My just turned 10 to DD just had her annual well visit and the doctor told us she is overweight. She is 58 inches and weighs 110 lbs. the doctor’s suggestion is to try to eliminate all processed foods and sweets from our house and only offer nutritious foods. Dessert should only be for special occasions.

I am a little concerned that this is a little too extreme/restrictive and could lead to sneaking food or going crazy when she isn’t home. That said, DD goes to a school that provides lunch (we can’t bring our own) and she also goes to friends’ houses a couple days per week so she has access to processed foods, snacks and sweets there.

Anyone have a recommendation for how to approach this? Follow the doctor’s advice? DD already knows which foods are healthy and which are not. We don’t typically restrict anything but try not to over indulge too.

[Anonymous]

Agree about the processed food and junk. Try more protein and meat and fats.
Totally disagree about dessert. That will ruin her relationship with food. She can have dessert daily.
She might be headed for puberty early and is gaining now.
Focus on more whole food and moving around but don’t make her feel like it’s a diet or make food forbidden or shame.

Shame will ruin her forever

[Anonymous]

I'm stuck on your 10 yo being just two inches shorter than me

[Anonymous]

I would have a conversation about it with her.

Realistically, if you’re already providing healthy foods, if she’s going to struggle with this it’s not something you’ll be able to fix by magically offering or not offering this or that or by saying or not saying just the right thing. Honestly the pediatricians have very little to offer you. I really think it’s partly parent-shaming. My pediatrician gives me the processed food speech about constipation, but we already have a pretty darn good diet. I don’t know if she thinks I’m taking her to McDonalds or what. So I would take some pressure off of yourself. It’s really easy for that pressure/guilt/shame to transfer on to your kid, even if to you it’s self-directed, if that makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a conversation about it with her.

Realistically, if you’re already providing healthy foods, if she’s going to struggle with this it’s not something you’ll be able to fix by magically offering or not offering this or that or by saying or not saying just the right thing. Honestly the pediatricians have very little to offer you. I really think it’s partly parent-shaming. My pediatrician gives me the processed food speech about constipation, but we already have a pretty darn good diet. I don’t know if she thinks I’m taking her to McDonalds or what. So I would take some pressure off of yourself. It’s really easy for that pressure/guilt/shame to transfer on to your kid, even if to you it’s self-directed, if that makes any sense.

PS I say this as a woman who struggles with weight. Did I have too much processed food as a kid? Probably! Did/does my mom say hurtful things sometimes? Yes! I really don’t think those things made me fat. This is not a magic words situation or finding just the right amount of dessert. We’re dealing with big forces inside and out here. Everyone needs some grace.

[Anonymous]

You again?

We already did this.

[Anonymous]

Just remove junk from your house and don’t worry about friends/school.

[Anonymous]

I would try to up the exercise by having her take walks with you or joining you for some other family fun. Don’t say it’s for her to lose weight, though. Say you know you need more activity and it’s easier for you if you have company. Thinks like a yoga class will help her get in touch with her body and how it moves. She gm her up for a class to learn a sport. Push the water and get outside as much as you can with her.

[Anonymous]

I’m doing quick math in my head, iirc, a 60 inch / 5 ft tall woman should be 100 pounds, and then add subtract 5 pounds for every inch above or below. Given this, your daughter who will likely grow two inches in the next year, is on track to be just fine? What is her estimate height going to be at full height / are you or your husband tall? I would just focus on teaching healthy eating habits, introduce fruits or vegetables or make fun smoothies (don’t use yogurt or high sugar bases!)… stuff like that. Do you workout? Do yoga? Pilates? Have her join you. Between ages 10-12 is a good time to catch them when they are still curious before the eye rolling and everything you say and everything you do is stupid phase kicks in.

[Anonymous]

I would up exercise and reduce junk food and eating out or take out, but not eliminate dessert. I wouldn't worry about what she is eating at friends houses. Whatever food changes you make, make them for the whole family.

If she's 10, she may be getting ready to go through puberty and have a growth spurt. You don't want to give her a complex because of her growth pattern, but you do want to be healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m doing quick math in my head, iirc, a 60 inch / 5 ft tall woman should be 100 pounds, and then add subtract 5 pounds for every inch above or below. Given this, your daughter who will likely grow two inches in the next year, is on track to be just fine? What is her estimate height going to be at full height / are you or your husband tall? I would just focus on teaching healthy eating habits, introduce fruits or vegetables or make fun smoothies (don’t use yogurt or high sugar bases!)… stuff like that. Do you workout? Do yoga? Pilates? Have her join you. Between ages 10-12 is a good time to catch them when they are still curious before the eye rolling and everything you say and everything you do is stupid phase kicks in.

Do you have kids? They're not mini-adults, they're supposed to be smaller. Kids don't attain their adult weight until they're adults - or at least, they aren't supposed to.

[Anonymous]

Removing processed foods and keeping dessert for special occasions is very normal. It’s not extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m doing quick math in my head, iirc, a 60 inch / 5 ft tall woman should be 100 pounds, and then add subtract 5 pounds for every inch above or below. Given this, your daughter who will likely grow two inches in the next year, is on track to be just fine? What is her estimate height going to be at full height / are you or your husband tall? I would just focus on teaching healthy eating habits, introduce fruits or vegetables or make fun smoothies (don’t use yogurt or high sugar bases!)… stuff like that. Do you workout? Do yoga? Pilates? Have her join you. Between ages 10-12 is a good time to catch them when they are still curious before the eye rolling and everything you say and everything you do is stupid phase kicks in.

Do you have kids? They're not mini-adults, they're supposed to be smaller. Kids don't attain their adult weight until they're adults - or at least, they aren't supposed to.

All my kids had a puggy period pre puberty.

Lots of getting chunky then growing, getting chunky then growing

[Anonymous]

It's not too extreme

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to up the exercise by having her take walks with you or joining you for some other family fun. Don’t say it’s for her to lose weight, though. Say you know you need more activity and it’s easier for you if you have company. Thinks like a yoga class will help her get in touch with her body and how it moves. She gm her up for a class to learn a sport. Push the water and get outside as much as you can with her.

12 year olds are not idiots, and they don’t deserve to be lied to even if it would work, which this wouldn’t. Come on. It’s perfectly fine to set requirements for exercise. Don’t lie about it or play any stupid mind games.