Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is just a rant. No, I am not talking about food allergies, food restrictions based on religion, actual medical conditions, or even those who choose to be vegetarian or vegan *who take care of themselves and don’t make a scene.*

I’m typically the host of holiday gatherings, even though other family members live local to me. People ask me to host and call to ask “what the plan is” even for holidays I don’t particularly feel like doing the hosting. Easter is coming up, and I’ve agreed to host—for the most part—because my cousin will be home from deployment.

Over the years, picky-eater-creep has been ramping up. First it was accommodating kids, but now those kids are full adults—including the deployed cousin—but the long list of preferences and pickiness hasn’t changed. My dad is included in the picky crowd. As people marry in, the preferences and actual allergies/actual restrictions start to factor in, too.

I’ve decided once and for all that I will ONLY be accommodating real, actual allergies and restrictions. Vegetarians and sometimes-I’m-vegans will have a few options, but I’m not overhauling the whole spread anymore. I finally just decided on a menu, sent it to everyone, and told them if they wanted to bring other dishes, that’s fine. I’m over it with requests to literally not have fruit salad “except for blueberries and strawberries together” from people who recently graduated…from college.

Pickies, time’s up. Pony ride’s over. You’re welcome for carrying you this far.

[Anonymous]

I mean yeah that all sounds annoying but don't sweat the small stuff in life. Seems like a lot of getting riled up over nothing.

[Anonymous]

Ah I’m so glad my family is normal and well-mannered

[Anonymous]

Just announce you’re retired from hosting. Or tell everyone it’s potluck. I would send an email saying what you’re making ( “this year I’m making roasted salmon with pea risotto (dairy) for 12 - bring whatever you want to supplemental or substitute- my feeling won’t be hurt”). Every holiday in my large Italian family was the same food - picky kids weren’t accommodated - nobody died. Parents whose kids need a special diet will pre-game or bring own food. NBD.

[Anonymous]

I hate 99% of foods. I will eat almost anything I’m served at formal events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate 99% of foods. I will eat almost anything I’m served at formal events.

You are a rare gem of a guest who has food issues but doesn’t make it anyone’s problem. I seriously applaud you.

[Anonymous]

Celiac here. Just make traditional foods. It is safer for me to eat in advance and/or bring my own foods.

[Anonymous]

I have some seriously picky tendencies but I would never tell you about them or ask you to accommodate me. I just make do with whatever is served. One of my kids had an eating disorder (that was common knowledge because is serious health consequences). For him, I always brought my own food. Had it not been a health issue, I would have had make do as well. I have a nephew who is vegan. He brings his own food, which I greatly appreciate.

[Anonymous]

This is why we avoid going to houses vs. restaurants. Or, we eat ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate 99% of foods. I will eat almost anything I’m served at formal events.

I just will not eat at these kind of things. Problem solved. You aren't that picky if you will eat it.

[Anonymous]

I totally get this, OP. I’m an avid cook and by all accounts a really good one. We have a small family, 10 of us when we are all together, usually for 3-4 days at the holidays. I used to enjoy planning really nice meals with lots of choices for everyone, and what I thought of as popular foods. But now the growing list of “dislikes” includes - but is not limited to - olives and capers, smoked salmon and shellfish of any kind, pasta/bread/breaded things, any kind of curry or curry-adjacent seasoning, chocolate, cheesecake, whipped cream…the list goes on and on. “Oh…do these cookies have walnuts? I like pecans but I don’t like walnuts…” It’s enough to make your head explode. Some of these things are legit allergies, others not.

Is it the end of the world? No. I could figure out how to plan around this, and I do. But it’s requiring an increasing level of mental contortions as new things seem to get added to the no-go list, and I have been feeling anxiety and resentment creeping in, which means it is time for a reset. I’ve started to feel like my real joy for cooking from now on may come from making special meals for myself, even if it means tons of leftovers that I eat for lunches for days. Maybe when it comes to other people, Costco frozen lasagna (which is legit delicious) and a salad is enough. (Oh no…pasta. Sigh.)

I love the idea of saying “I”m making X, Y, Z…feel free to supplement” - but my family isn’t local and it seems a lot to ask for them to travel all this way and contribute to a potluck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we avoid going to houses vs. restaurants. Or, we eat ahead.

Because you have issues with food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this, OP. I’m an avid cook and by all accounts a really good one. We have a small family, 10 of us when we are all together, usually for 3-4 days at the holidays. I used to enjoy planning really nice meals with lots of choices for everyone, and what I thought of as popular foods. But now the growing list of “dislikes” includes - but is not limited to - olives and capers, smoked salmon and shellfish of any kind, pasta/bread/breaded things, any kind of curry or curry-adjacent seasoning, chocolate, cheesecake, whipped cream…the list goes on and on. “Oh…do these cookies have walnuts? I like pecans but I don’t like walnuts…” It’s enough to make your head explode. Some of these things are legit allergies, others not.

Is it the end of the world? No. I could figure out how to plan around this, and I do. But it’s requiring an increasing level of mental contortions as new things seem to get added to the no-go list, and I have been feeling anxiety and resentment creeping in, which means it is time for a reset. I’ve started to feel like my real joy for cooking from now on may come from making special meals for myself, even if it means tons of leftovers that I eat for lunches for days. Maybe when it comes to other people, Costco frozen lasagna (which is legit delicious) and a salad is enough. (Oh no…pasta. Sigh.)

I love the idea of saying “I”m making X, Y, Z…feel free to supplement” - but my family isn’t local and it seems a lot to ask for them to travel all this way and contribute to a potluck.

All of this. Here’s what: many of the picky-pickies and those with ever-changing “restrictions” (as in you’re vegan but you “can’t resist” the hometown specialty chocolate, or you don’t eat meat but “occasionally have a slice of bacon—move those goalposts) don’t realize is that hosting is a lot of work. You can tell the perpetual guests. They are the one who rudely comment on what they do and do not like, or won’t or “can’t” eat, instead of unobtrusively making a plate or bringing some dishes to share. Those who impose over and over again have no idea how much goes into planning, cleaning, shopping, cooking and cleaning up when hosting. No clue.

[Anonymous]

I'm a picky eater and my extended family has never catered to me, and it's totally fine. There are always a couple to several things I like, and I make do. Maybe I don't eat a starch at the table, and just grab a couple of crackers from the appetizer table or go without. Maybe I just take a small serving of fruit salad and only eat the fruits I like.

Nobody sends out the menu in advance, and everyone just deals with what's there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah I’m so glad my family is normal and well-mannered

Ditto! I can’t imagine asking someone to accommodate anything other than an allergy, serious vegetarianism/veganism, or celiac. And that too, I would only mention it if asked, and offer to bring something myself.