Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters

[Anonymous]

at an event with 7 - 10 dishes, i am sure there is something for everyone to eat.

if you as the host make the main and some rolls, possibly and then each family or couple brings a dish, there will be a variety and should be something for everyone.

i wouldn't worry about all the pickiness or would just quit hosting if it is an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why we avoid going to houses vs. restaurants. Or, we eat ahead.

Because you have issues with food?

No, because the food sucks from most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at an event with 7 - 10 dishes, i am sure there is something for everyone to eat.

if you as the host make the main and some rolls, possibly and then each family or couple brings a dish, there will be a variety and should be something for everyone.

i wouldn't worry about all the pickiness or would just quit hosting if it is an issue.

If you host a dinner party, you provide food. This isn't college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:at an event with 7 - 10 dishes, i am sure there is something for everyone to eat.

if you as the host make the main and some rolls, possibly and then each family or couple brings a dish, there will be a variety and should be something for everyone.

i wouldn't worry about all the pickiness or would just quit hosting if it is an issue.

If you host a dinner party, you provide food. This isn't college.

NP. If you can’t make a plate of 7-10 dishes, you are too picky and should stay home. This isn’t preschool.

[Anonymous]

Be a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is just a rant. No, I am not talking about food allergies, food restrictions based on religion, actual medical conditions, or even those who choose to be vegetarian or vegan *who take care of themselves and don’t make a scene.*

I’m typically the host of holiday gatherings, even though other family members live local to me. People ask me to host and call to ask “what the plan is” even for holidays I don’t particularly feel like doing the hosting. Easter is coming up, and I’ve agreed to host—for the most part—because my cousin will be home from deployment.

Over the years, picky-eater-creep has been ramping up. First it was accommodating kids, but now those kids are full adults—including the deployed cousin—but the long list of preferences and pickiness hasn’t changed. My dad is included in the picky crowd. As people marry in, the preferences and actual allergies/actual restrictions start to factor in, too.

I’ve decided once and for all that I will ONLY be accommodating real, actual allergies and restrictions. Vegetarians and sometimes-I’m-vegans will have a few options, but I’m not overhauling the whole spread anymore. I finally just decided on a menu, sent it to everyone, and told them if they wanted to bring other dishes, that’s fine. I’m over it with requests to literally not have fruit salad “except for blueberries and strawberries together” from people who recently graduated…from college.

Pickies, time’s up. Pony ride’s over. You’re welcome for carrying you this far.

Rude.

Don't host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah I’m so glad my family is normal and well-mannered

Ditto! I can’t imagine asking someone to accommodate anything other than an allergy, serious vegetarianism/veganism, or celiac. And that too, I would only mention it if asked, and offer to bring something myself.

Same! I grew up with 8 kids in my family. If we did not like something...too bad..we did not eat.

[Anonymous]

OP, your plan in fine, great even! I have a couple legit picky friends (one’s a super taster and one has autism related texture stuff) where trying to explain what they can and can’t each is baffling. I love trying to find things they’ll like when it’s just the two of us but it’s impossible if I’m planning a party. Because their good stuff is so weird, they’re used to just not eating at a party if they don’t like anything and eating what they want when they get home. The important part is not to be upset/offended as a host if some folks don’t eat and hopefully they’ll be like my friends and happy they haven’t put you through extra stress.

[Anonymous]

My goal is that everyone has a couple of things they can eat not that everyone can eat every thing. Have to say I gave up when my sister kosher no carb sister requested vegetarian last spring but when I added a hearty veg dish to Thanksgiving she said she could not eat it as it was dairy and she planned to eat turkey. I am done with her now.

[Anonymous]

Your plan is great. Not hosting is also great. Personally I usually have a snack before going to someone's house to eat, because you never know.

When i host I provide a big salad, bread, and a cheese plate. People who can't eat the main dish won't starve. We have so many actual allergies in my family that I simply cannot cater to the people who aren't eating refined grains or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get this, OP. I’m an avid cook and by all accounts a really good one. We have a small family, 10 of us when we are all together, usually for 3-4 days at the holidays. I used to enjoy planning really nice meals with lots of choices for everyone, and what I thought of as popular foods. But now the growing list of “dislikes” includes - but is not limited to - olives and capers, smoked salmon and shellfish of any kind, pasta/bread/breaded things, any kind of curry or curry-adjacent seasoning, chocolate, cheesecake, whipped cream…the list goes on and on. “Oh…do these cookies have walnuts? I like pecans but I don’t like walnuts…” It’s enough to make your head explode. Some of these things are legit allergies, others not.

Is it the end of the world? No. I could figure out how to plan around this, and I do. But it’s requiring an increasing level of mental contortions as new things seem to get added to the no-go list, and I have been feeling anxiety and resentment creeping in, which means it is time for a reset. I’ve started to feel like my real joy for cooking from now on may come from making special meals for myself, even if it means tons of leftovers that I eat for lunches for days. Maybe when it comes to other people, Costco frozen lasagna (which is legit delicious) and a salad is enough. (Oh no…pasta. Sigh.)

I love the idea of saying “I”m making X, Y, Z…feel free to supplement” - but my family isn’t local and it seems a lot to ask for them to travel all this way and contribute to a potluck.

Are we related? Because I have a family member who is just as you described. No: "textures" like sour cream, cream cheese, hummus. Even though he will eat mashed potatoes and ice cream. No "weird" foods not from his childhood: capers, curry, artichokes, avocadoes, seafood, quinoa - well you get the picture.

I consider myself and have been told I'm a good cook. I've traveled and enjoy cuisines from other countries, but I'm not a food snob and will eat a hot dog from a street vendor. The last time relative was here for a few days I made a meatloaf, with gravy from a packet and roasted vegetables. Though he declined the parsnips because his mom never served parsnips. I mostly feel sorry for him and how limited he is. Once at a wedding with beautiful catering (think goat cheese and sundried tomatoes) he declined ALL the passed appetizers. And requested a stop at Burger King on the way home because he was hungry.

Life and food are to be enjoyed, not feared.

[Anonymous]

Op I totally support you in this.
I only get irritated when people then expect you to be there all day for a holiday. I have one teen with serious food sensitivities and it’s fine for them to eat around it or for a meal but if you expect me to get there at noon and stay until 10 pm, it starts to get difficult. Yes I have some relatives who are offended if you leave after 5 hours!!

[Anonymous]

We were taught to be gracious guests and try everything put before us. We sometimes left a party my parents attended hungry, but it was one meal and we certainly did not starve. My folks nor us ever act like short order cooks in our own home!

You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit!

[Anonymous]

Beyond legitimate allergies, if they want something they “can” (will) eat, they cam bring it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:at an event with 7 - 10 dishes, i am sure there is something for everyone to eat.

if you as the host make the main and some rolls, possibly and then each family or couple brings a dish, there will be a variety and should be something for everyone.

i wouldn't worry about all the pickiness or would just quit hosting if it is an issue.

If you host a dinner party, you provide food. This isn't college.

NP. If you can’t make a plate of 7-10 dishes, you are too picky and should stay home. This isn’t preschool.

+1