Officially done with *preferences* of picky eaters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.

If you are that person can you please please tell us why?

Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?

You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?

Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.

I'm vegan but never say it that way because of people like you. Nobody is eating their belt or their shoes--leather is not really part of a discussion regarding food.

Leather is consuming meat. Just because you’re not ingesting it doesn’t mean you’re not consuming it. If you are going to be vegan, be vegan. Plenty of vegan fake leather goods out there. If you consume animal products, you aren’t really vegan. So good thing you don’t say you are, because you are not.

I think vegan PP is saying she doesn't list off all the ways she is vegan (leather, honey, I need a tree to drop its apples so I don't have to pick them) because it's obnoxious and gives vegans a bad rap. Leather has nothing to do with a dinner party, so shouldn't come into the convo at all when asked about preferences, allergies, etc. (Unless it's THAT kind of dinner party!! HA!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.

We're German. Nobody ever accommodated picky eating in my family either, barring medical issues as you mentioned. I do think it's cultural. My friends in Germany don't generally ask about food restrictions as it doesn't occur to them, but would bend over backwards for allergies etc. Don't like capers? Suck it up if you're an adult or pick around it if you're a kid.

THe level of pickiness here as described by the OP makes me crazy.

+1. My family is Asian American, and we taught that it was the height of ill manners to be picky as an adult. An adult who publicly claimed not to like certain foods was considered to be poorly raised, an embarrassment to the family. Allergies were completely understandable and accommodated. And in my experience, it's always white Americans who are so provincial about food.

There are many ways to be rude, including racist stereotypes. Unfortunately, no culture is immune from rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have become so weird about food. When I was a kid, you ate what you were served or you didn’t eat. It was as simple as that. And I knew barely anyone with food allergies.

Many of the picky eaters here are telling you that they just won't eat. Somehow, this is also rude to some of you.

[Anonymous]

Try serving someone on weight watchers. I’d rather craft artisan keto vegan rawness rather than hear about points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a foreigner, I find it crazy that there are so many threads on this topic. I have the impression that trendy food restrictions are mostly a US thing? It would be HORRIBLY bad manners in my French family to require food modifications unless for medical reasons. My Godfather is sensitive to chocolate, and we accommodate that otherwise the poor man breaks out in hives right there at the dinner table. My son has anaphylactic nut allergies, so we're very careful with those, which poses problems for French desserts that often have almonds, hazelnuts or pistachios. My daughter needs to take lactase pills. But if it's just a dislike of a food, you grin and bear it.

We're German. Nobody ever accommodated picky eating in my family either, barring medical issues as you mentioned. I do think it's cultural. My friends in Germany don't generally ask about food restrictions as it doesn't occur to them, but would bend over backwards for allergies etc. Don't like capers? Suck it up if you're an adult or pick around it if you're a kid.

THe level of pickiness here as described by the OP makes me crazy.

+1. My family is Asian American, and we taught that it was the height of ill manners to be picky as an adult. An adult who publicly claimed not to like certain foods was considered to be poorly raised, an embarrassment to the family. Allergies were completely understandable and accommodated. And in my experience, it's always white Americans who are so provincial about food.

There are many ways to be rude, including racist stereotypes. Unfortunately, no culture is immune from rudeness.

+1

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.

Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.

It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.

Yep. You have confirmed what I thought. It is what it is and you are what you are. Even people with preferences - preferences that they don’t push on you or make your problem at all - are unwelcome at your table. Noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.

Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.

It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.

Yep. You have confirmed what I thought. It is what it is and you are what you are. Even people with preferences - preferences that they don’t push on you or make your problem at all - are unwelcome at your table. Noted.

I'm not the poster you're quoting -but it's absurd to me that you think you've had some sort of "gotcha" moment here or that the poster you're responding to said something outrageous or arrogant.

If someone doesn't appreciate something, it doesn't make sense to spend your time or money getting it for them. I wouldn't buy my friend who is happy with her Mazda a Maserati. If my daughter likes swimming, I'm not going to buy her a horse because I like riding. This is exactly the same - the poster is saying she won't waste her time or money making a meal for people who visibly don't enjoy it. She's not saying she's ostracizing them from her life for not participating fully in dinner parties - she's saying she's going to stop inviting them to dinner parties. What is so controversial about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.

Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.

It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.

Yep. You have confirmed what I thought. It is what it is and you are what you are. Even people with preferences - preferences that they don’t push on you or make your problem at all - are unwelcome at your table. Noted.

I'm not the poster you're quoting -but it's absurd to me that you think you've had some sort of "gotcha" moment here or that the poster you're responding to said something outrageous or arrogant.

If someone doesn't appreciate something, it doesn't make sense to spend your time or money getting it for them. I wouldn't buy my friend who is happy with her Mazda a Maserati. If my daughter likes swimming, I'm not going to buy her a horse because I like riding. This is exactly the same - the poster is saying she won't waste her time or money making a meal for people who visibly don't enjoy it. She's not saying she's ostracizing them from her life for not participating fully in dinner parties - she's saying she's going to stop inviting them to dinner parties. What is so controversial about this?

Per your post, that poster should be more considerate to her guests preferences. She is doing this for her, not her guests, which makes her a very bad host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I can't think of a single food that I won't eat. I find picky eaters really tiresome.

Hey! So do we!
- every emotionally mature picky eater. Just leave us alone and we’ll eat it what we like (and bring a dish we like, too, if the situation calls for it)

Op isn't complaining about your type of picky eating. It's the type that "requires" special treatment that annoys op.

Op sounds thin skinned and is filling blanks for other people’s motivations (like most of us also do here on this site…)

It sounds like OP has borne the brunt of hosting for a long time for a group of picky people with demands and shifting “needs” who don’t reciprocate or even offer to bring dishes. No thanks. Why are you taking that personally, if you are so “emotionally mature”? If someone else’s behavior doesn’t describe you, then it doesn’t apply to you, now does it? “Emotionally mature” people tend to understand that.

Hello, I’m the pp who used the phrase “emotionally mature” (8:49) and you’re not replying to me immediately. I’m also the person who posted at 8:47. So I’m taking things personally in as much as I already don’t enjoy being picky. I hate it. I hate the hate we get online - which I could ignore except that it obviously represents how people feel about picky eaters and I don’t know you, but I don’t like people trying to imply that I’m a child because of food preferences.

I also said I’d love to bring along a dish if it’s appropriate. So your anger in your reply at to whom you think is me is a little misplaced.

The point stands that you are telling us to “leave you alone” when—if you are actually the type to bring your own food and not make yourself anyone else’s problem—you are not the type of picky eater anyone in this thread is describing. You’re taking umbrage and being sensitive when—if what we’re describing doesn’t apply to you, then it simply doesn’t apply to you.

We all know the difference between “subtle” picky eaters who take care of themselves and the attention-seeking types who expect everyone to cater to them and are annoying beyond. If you are a “subtle” picky eater, then there is no need to tell us to “leave you alone,” because we aren’t talking about you or annoyed by you.

+1. I also think you can tell the non-subtle picky eaters posting. They are the ones who dramatically say they “can” or “can’t” eat something. Unless you have allergies, you CAN eat anything likely to be put in front of you at a dinner party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.

Like a PP, I welcome a challenge as a hostess for a true issues friend and not the POS fad changers. But I do know when it’s beyond my skill (my celiac friend) and am glad for them to take a seat even if they eat nothing
Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.

It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.

Yep. You have confirmed what I thought. It is what it is and you are what you are. Even people with preferences - preferences that they don’t push on you or make your problem at all - are unwelcome at your table. Noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who quietly take care of themselves are not the problem.

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE has a problem with the person who was gluten free but is now keto, and now won't eat grains but at this restaurant will order the salmon.... You know that person.

If you are that person can you please please tell us why?

Wait. Is salmon now made of grain?

You're missing the point. The person changes. They were vegan but now eat salmon, just at this one place. They are all over the place, trendy, and a PITA. Is this you?

Then, they aren't vegan. I've been a vegetarian 25+ years, no meat, chicken, fish, leather, etc. Ever.

I'm vegan but never say it that way because of people like you. Nobody is eating their belt or their shoes--leather is not really part of a discussion regarding food.

Leather is consuming meat. Just because you’re not ingesting it doesn’t mean you’re not consuming it. If you are going to be vegan, be vegan. Plenty of vegan fake leather goods out there. If you consume animal products, you aren’t really vegan. So good thing you don’t say you are, because you are not.

Vegan leather is terrible for the environment.

I wear only fruit leather. The vegetablists revolt!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate 99% of foods. I will eat almost anything I’m served at formal events.

Genuinely curious - what do you like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.

Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.

It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.

Yep. You have confirmed what I thought. It is what it is and you are what you are. Even people with preferences - preferences that they don’t push on you or make your problem at all - are unwelcome at your table. Noted.

I'm not the poster you're quoting -but it's absurd to me that you think you've had some sort of "gotcha" moment here or that the poster you're responding to said something outrageous or arrogant.

If someone doesn't appreciate something, it doesn't make sense to spend your time or money getting it for them. I wouldn't buy my friend who is happy with her Mazda a Maserati. If my daughter likes swimming, I'm not going to buy her a horse because I like riding. This is exactly the same - the poster is saying she won't waste her time or money making a meal for people who visibly don't enjoy it. She's not saying she's ostracizing them from her life for not participating fully in dinner parties - she's saying she's going to stop inviting them to dinner parties. What is so controversial about this?

So a dinner party is just OP’s chance to show off her cooking? It’s not for socializing? Because that’s the part I’d enjoy.

And what’s so controversial about this? OP’s rant. “Yes, this is just a rant. No, I am not talking about food allergies, food restrictions based on religion, actual medical conditions, or even those who choose to be vegetarian or vegan *who take care of themselves and don’t make a scene.* […]” but now she admits that even those of us who take care of ourselves and don’t make a scene are unwelcome. That’s the gotcha.

I hate being picky. I hate it. I have overcome it in many ways but have “lost” other foods to random things (for example several foods to associations from them being the last food I ate before actively vomiting from food poisoning). I am on the spectrum and truly cannot overcome some of my inability to eat foods.

And now to know that no matter how little fuss I make, if I’m not part of team “eat like everyone else” I’m not welcome at all. Gee, what about that makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

Like a PP, I welcome a challenge as a hostess for a true issues friend and not the POS fad changers. But I do know when it’s beyond my skill (my celiac friend) and am glad for them to take a seat even if they eat nothing
Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.
I don’t notice or care if it’s a big holiday meal like Thanksgiving. I never comment, but I do notice if it’s a dinner party. It’s fine, I don’t ask or even care what or why, I just make a mental note to only invite certain people to big events with lots of choices, and not to put them on my dinner party roster. I go to a lot of trouble for dinner parties, and I frankly don’t want to go through the trouble for picky people. They are welcome to come to bigger events.

Like a PP, I welcome a challenge as a hostess for a true issues friend and not the POS fad changers. But I do know when it’s beyond my skill (my celiac friend) and am glad for them to take a seat even if they eat nothing
Ahh, so even if picky eaters enjoy the company and don’t make a scene or any trouble about the food, they’re persona non grata at your exclusive events. Noted. And it confirms what I’ve thought about people judging picky eaters - the ones, again, who keep their preferences to themselves because it’s no one else’s issue.

It is what it is. No thanks, I’m not going to go to a lot of trouble and expense only to have someone sit and push food around the plate. I’ll still enjoy your company—in a setting with lots of food choices where you can make a plate. But for dinner parties, I prefer not to waste my time, money and effort on someone who doesn’t appreciate it. You can be “there for just the company” in other scenarios in my home. Dinner parties are for grown-ups who appreciate the time, effort and expense it takes to make a lovely menu for adults. I don’t want to make a lot of effort for someone who is just going to eat a roll; you’re taking up the seat of someone who can handle a nice dinner party with adults.

Yep. You have confirmed what I thought. It is what it is and you are what you are. Even people with preferences - preferences that they don’t push on you or make your problem at all - are unwelcome at your table. Noted.

Like a PP, I welcome a challenge as a hostess for a true issues friend and not the POS fad changers. But I do know when it’s beyond my skill (my celiac friend) and am glad for them to take a seat even if they eat nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People have become so weird about food. When I was a kid, you ate what you were served or you didn’t eat. It was as simple as that. And I knew barely anyone with food allergies.

Many of the picky eaters here are telling you that they just won't eat. Somehow, this is also rude to some of you.

If you were invited over for a meal, what did you think people would be doing? That's like inviting someone over to screen a film, and instead of declining the invitation, they don't watch the film with you and tell you they don't like movies. Decline the invitation if you can't or don't want to participate. I decline invitations to game nights because I genuinely hate board games and that kind of thing. I don't attend and then don't participate and sit there like a sourpuss.