Would you have a serious relationship with someone with 200k in student loan debt?

[Anonymous]

I am dating this wonderful 23 years old woman who recently graduated from Wake Forest with 220K in student loan debt majoring in education. She is about to start her job at FCPS for 53k/yr. I graduated from UVA debt free. I would like to get serious with her but the student debt is a big concern for me. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

In this case, yes, I would be nervous.

DH and I both had $200k each in debt from business and law school. And we were both committed to high paying careers to pay off the debt. (We did it too.)

If I had that amount of debt and either wanted a low paying career or to be a SAHM or just flaky about work in general, I think DH would have had real reservations as he would have been the person now responsible for paying them off.

Any chance she can get low income forgiveness after 10 years or something.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your earning potential. I'd expect if you married to help pay it off however they may have a loan forgiveness program if she continues to work.

[Anonymous]

I’m this case no. That’s idiotic.

[Anonymous]

With someone earning $180k a year who has an aggressive plan to pay off their debt in X number of years (10 or under)? Sure.

With a public school teacher earning minimally? Nope.

[Anonymous]

From med school or a top ten law school or business school, yes, assuming we were about thirty or younger.

Otherwise, no. What was she thinking????

It KILLS me when kids do this.

[Anonymous]

Education debt wouldn’t scare me as much as credit card debt. She made a bad choice (along with her parents) at 18, if you see a future with her, I wouldn’t end things just because of this. She’s barely had a chance to learn how to be an adult, maybe she plans to work other jobs to make extra money to pay it down, starting with the highest interest rate. Talk to her about her plans, if she has a good work ethic and is smart about money, that would be more appealing than someone with less debt but bad spending habits. If she expects to just get married and have her husband pay it off, that’s not a great plan.

My husband graduated law school 15 years ago with more debt that this, and we still have some left to pay off. But the interest rates are so low, it makes more sense to invest and pay it down slowly.

[Anonymous]

That sucks, but it's not insurmountable. It will impact what other choices you can make, for sure. A lot depends on her attitude about this debt, debt in general, and how aligned your financial priorities are.

Personally, my earning potential is about this same as a public school teacher. If I were younger / in your shoes but knew what I know now, and met a potential partner with this kind of debt and similar earning potential, it would be a dealbreaker for me.

But, if earning potential was higher, one or another had family money, or similar situations that favored us, I wouldn't let it stand in the way.

[Anonymous]

Is she in a public service loan repayment plan? Will some/all of it be forgiven after X yrs. in public service?

What is her plan to pay it off?

I think if you seriously like her, then you should be able to have a serious discussion about finances. Not in a way that you are judgy -- but just asking her if she worries about it and how she thinks it will affect her life, etc. You can learn a lot from a person that way -- it'll tell you if she sees it as something that a rich spouse will save her from, or if she literally "owns" the choices she made and has thought about how she is going to take responsibility for it.

THAT is what tells you she is worth being more serious with ... is she a free-loader/space-case, or is she a "take responsibility" type of person?

[Anonymous]

You could entirely keep your finances separate. I know some couples that have long marriages and do this. Better though and in addition, talk with her and learn more about how she/her family made this financial decision. Maybe she stands to inherit some money? Maybe her parents stalled on helping financially but will in the future? I wouldn't right-this-off as a problem until you learn more. You are entitled to learn more. Don't be a scaredy-cat.

[Anonymous]

No, not if you want to have children or be able to purchase a home.

In this situation, finances will dominate your relationship.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With someone earning $180k a year who has an aggressive plan to pay off their debt in X number of years (10 or under)? Sure.

With a public school teacher earning minimally? Nope.

I agree and I’m a public school teacher. I am mid-career and earn way more than $53k now, but it took me about 20 years to pay off my undergrad loans (not an Ed degree).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she in a public service loan repayment plan? Will some/all of it be forgiven after X yrs. in public service?

What is her plan to pay it off?

I think if you seriously like her, then you should be able to have a serious discussion about finances. Not in a way that you are judgy -- but just asking her if she worries about it and how she thinks it will affect her life, etc. You can learn a lot from a person that way -- it'll tell you if she sees it as something that a rich spouse will save her from, or if she literally "owns" the choices she made and has thought about how she is going to take responsibility for it.

THAT is what tells you she is worth being more serious with ... is she a free-loader/space-case, or is she a "take responsibility" type of person?

She needs to join PSLF right away. I work in education and just got mine forgiven. With her current salary the income based payments won't be bad. I went to a state school so I had much less to forgive though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she in a public service loan repayment plan? Will some/all of it be forgiven after X yrs. in public service?

What is her plan to pay it off?

I think if you seriously like her, then you should be able to have a serious discussion about finances. Not in a way that you are judgy -- but just asking her if she worries about it and how she thinks it will affect her life, etc. You can learn a lot from a person that way -- it'll tell you if she sees it as something that a rich spouse will save her from, or if she literally "owns" the choices she made and has thought about how she is going to take responsibility for it.

THAT is what tells you she is worth being more serious with ... is she a free-loader/space-case, or is she a "take responsibility" type of person?

She needs to join PSLF right away. I work in education and just got mine forgiven. With her current salary the income based payments won't be bad. I went to a state school so I had much less to forgive though!

You can't be a recent graduate with 200k in debt eligible for PSLF. Most of that debt is likely private loans which are ineligible.