Would you have a serious relationship with someone with 200k in student loan debt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she in a public service loan repayment plan? Will some/all of it be forgiven after X yrs. in public service?

What is her plan to pay it off?

I think if you seriously like her, then you should be able to have a serious discussion about finances. Not in a way that you are judgy -- but just asking her if she worries about it and how she thinks it will affect her life, etc. You can learn a lot from a person that way -- it'll tell you if she sees it as something that a rich spouse will save her from, or if she literally "owns" the choices she made and has thought about how she is going to take responsibility for it.

THAT is what tells you she is worth being more serious with ... is she a free-loader/space-case, or is she a "take responsibility" type of person?

She needs to join PSLF right away. I work in education and just got mine forgiven. With her current salary the income based payments won't be bad. I went to a state school so I had much less to forgive though!

Yes, THIS! But I think you have to sign up for the program by October of this year, so she need to hurry.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked by the responses on this thread. This girl was what, 17, 18 when she made this choice? Good grief. There are a number of ways to handle this if you even get to the point where it matters. If she plans on being a teacher long term she was never going to be a big financial contributor to your possible future family anyway. And she's 23--it's very possible she could pivot to a higher paying career at some point. I do agree her attitude about it now and plan going forward matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

This sounds fake.

[Anonymous]

Places like Wake Forest are for students with money and scholarship kids. It’s not a place to take loans, what a waste. I’d seriously question her judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I’m Asian and you sound Asian. You are shameful. Such a man child I bet raised like a little entitled prince.

This girl needs to run from you. You will always be a beta dependent on your family. Pathetic.

This is OP. I received a full-ride 4 years academic scholarship to UVA, tuition + room/board. I am making 250k/yr at Apple, and I am financially independent. I stay at my parents' condo because it is sitting empty and they are always traveling. They also have their own house. I am saving money and responsible with money. What is your problem?

The young lady I am dating regretted her decision to attend WF because she got caught up in the moment. She is a tutor on weekends to make extra money to pay off the student loan. She is still living with her parents, drives a 15 years old car so that she can pay off the student loans faster. She was very honest about her student loan situation after our 3rd date, and yes, she is very pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I’m Asian and you sound Asian. You are shameful. Such a man child I bet raised like a little entitled prince.

This girl needs to run from you. You will always be a beta dependent on your family. Pathetic.

This is OP. I received a full-ride 4 years academic scholarship to UVA, tuition + room/board. I am making 250k/yr at Apple, and I am financially independent. I stay at my parents' condo because it is sitting empty and they are always traveling. They also have their own house. I am saving money and responsible with money. What is your problem?

The young lady I am dating regretted her decision to attend WF because she got caught up in the moment. She is a tutor on weekends to make extra money to pay off the student loan. She is still living with her parents, drives a 15 years old car so that she can pay off the student loans faster. She was very honest about her student loan situation after our 3rd date, and yes, she is very pretty.

The point is you obviously had tons of advantages growing up, and still benefit from your parents, but are finding fault from this woman who clearly made a decision at 18 but now lives appropriately.

UVA fell academic scholarship? I’m not sure I’m buying that.

[Anonymous]

Well, you might want to consider having a serious discussion about how her debt will impact your decisions. For instance, you might want to tell her that you have no interest in getting married until at least half of that debt is gone. See if that added "dating" time phases her. You should also ask her what, if any, credit card debt she has.

Also ask how serious she is about continuing to be a teacher after having a child. If she things she'll want to bail and be a SAHM, then forgiveness is likely off the table.

My point is, mull all this over and then ask yourself what's important to you. Ask what's important to her. And then go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I’m Asian and you sound Asian. You are shameful. Such a man child I bet raised like a little entitled prince.

This girl needs to run from you. You will always be a beta dependent on your family. Pathetic.

This is OP. I received a full-ride 4 years academic scholarship to UVA, tuition + room/board. I am making 250k/yr at Apple, and I am financially independent. I stay at my parents' condo because it is sitting empty and they are always traveling. They also have their own house. I am saving money and responsible with money. What is your problem?

The young lady I am dating regretted her decision to attend WF because she got caught up in the moment. She is a tutor on weekends to make extra money to pay off the student loan. She is still living with her parents, drives a 15 years old car so that she can pay off the student loans faster. She was very honest about her student loan situation after our 3rd date, and yes, she is very pretty.

Nobody asked you if she was pretty. Have you always been a beta who suckles off your mammas and aunties teet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I’m Asian and you sound Asian. You are shameful. Such a man child I bet raised like a little entitled prince.

This girl needs to run from you. You will always be a beta dependent on your family. Pathetic.

This is OP. I received a full-ride 4 years academic scholarship to UVA, tuition + room/board. I am making 250k/yr at Apple, and I am financially independent. I stay at my parents' condo because it is sitting empty and they are always traveling. They also have their own house. I am saving money and responsible with money. What is your problem?

The young lady I am dating regretted her decision to attend WF because she got caught up in the moment. She is a tutor on weekends to make extra money to pay off the student loan. She is still living with her parents, drives a 15 years old car so that she can pay off the student loans faster. She was very honest about her student loan situation after our 3rd date, and yes, she is very pretty.

With this additional information, I'd say the loans are not an issue. She seems financially aware now of the bad decision and is working to pay them off and living frugally. Given how much you make and with living rent/food free, if she's truly "the one" you can easily afford to help pay off her debt and start a life debt free.

[Anonymous]

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being model good looks, what’s her number?

[Anonymous]

It does sound like she is trying her hardest to make extra money to pay down her debt. She has shown self-awareness about the poor choice of loans to attend WF.

If she’s pretty, kind, and low-drama, I wouldn’t be so hasty to end the relationship over her debt. She probably went through an idealistic phase and now sees clearly how her choices impacted her financial future.

How serious are you about her? Sleeping together? Met friends and family members?

[Anonymous]

No. I made this mistake and the debt is overwhelming. You need to think about long term goals. If you married, getting a mortgage and other financial goals will be hindered. You better be madly in love with this person and willing to help them out.

[Anonymous]

This is why we need to have public loan forgiveness. It is ridiculous that public school teachers have that kind of debt. SMH.

[Anonymous]

My biggest concern would be her wanting to be a SAHM. Many teachers do, especially ES (I work in an ES and I see this every year.) you don’t say what she will teach.

But $200k to SAH is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I would normally say no, but in your situation I would say just work on a system for her repaying her student loan debt with you helping a little bit if you eventually marry. You have no expensives and a great paycheck. Wow.