Would you have a serious relationship with someone with 200k in student loan debt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

OP if she has just an undergrad degree, there is no way she is $200k in debt with federal debt alone unless her parents took on loans that they expect her to pay back, known as federal parent PLUS loans. Even if she took on private loans, they are probably co-signed by her parents or were taken out by her parents. If you are getting serious with her, you'll want to know exactly what portion of her debt is her own, and is federal. If she's $200k in debt because she maxed out her own loans and also got a master's already and it's really her own debt then my advice is a bit different. She can sign up for an income-driven repayment plan which will limit her monthly payment to never be more than 10% of discretionary income, greatly reducing her monthly burden. If she teaches or continues to work for a govt or nonprofit over the next 10 years, all those loans will be forgiven. Obviously, she must be committed to being a public servant or else the interest amortization will be a lot, however she would reach loan forgiveness generally in 20 years on income-driven repayment. It wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me unlike a lot on this forum if it was all federal debt due to the programs I've described, but I'd be concerned that her parents hold a lot of that debt with the expectation she repay which is murky and deserves honest conversation.

[Anonymous]

I was able to get my student loans forgiven under a plan with FCPS if I worked for them for a certain period of time and signed a contract as such. That was 20 years ago but may be worth checking into…

That is an awful lot though. I had several friends in the same boat at FCPS, with OOS degrees, but none over $200K. She definitely needs to look at some loan forgiveness programs.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the long 13:51 post. Don't waste this woman's time and date her for a year or more and THEN decide the debt is a dealbreaker. That's mean. You know about it now. Discuss it now, especially if you haven't slept with her yet. If you've slept with her already, maybe ok give it another month or two fi you want, but please don't waste someone's time over an issue you know about now.

[Anonymous]

Many LMC folks don’t qualify for much aid other than loans, and still think education debt is “good debt”. Lots of high school students have no idea what six figure debt means. I’ll bet her parents secretly wanted her to marry a WF (and she still could as alum is strong there)

Yes it’s a lot of money for her alone as a teacher. It’s not a lot of money if she was married to any professional (even a Fed), while it would take some time to pay off would not be a deal breaker for love.

As someone who makes tons of money in an easy job, had lots of advantages like excellent public schools (though if you are from Moco, how was UVA cheap) with parents who bought you a condo, this debt is meaningless to you and being concerned about it seems a bit petty.

[Anonymous]

You need to better understand why the debt was accumulated. $200k for four years is $50/year. If her family needed the aid, presumably WF would have provided some grants. So, what’s up with her parents? Did they have a budget for state schools, but she elected WF and to pay the difference? Did her parents hit financial difficulty/bankruptcy? Did she work during school or summers to help pay? $200k for undergraduate school is crazy, so you need to unpack this. It could be totally rational or a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to better understand why the debt was accumulated. $200k for four years is $50/year. If her family needed the aid, presumably WF would have provided some grants. So, what’s up with her parents? Did they have a budget for state schools, but she elected WF and to pay the difference? Did her parents hit financial difficulty/bankruptcy? Did she work during school or summers to help pay? $200k for undergraduate school is crazy, so you need to unpack this. It could be totally rational or a huge red flag.

Whats the big mystery? The parents made enough money that there wasn’t any need aid, and they said the tuition was on her. An 18 year made the decision to go to random public university for $100k or WF for $200k. As a kid it’s easy to rationalize away that difference

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing OP, clearly you grew up well off if your family is still providing shelter and food even though you clearly don't need any of it. I'm guessing you had no/little student loan debt as well.

Given the $200K in student loans, clearly this woman's family did not have the resources to fund her college. Or they contributed minimally. Or they cut her off. Maybe she started with one major and switched to Education. There are many potential reasons why she has that level of debt. Have you discussed it with her at all?

[Anonymous]

No. Medicine or banking/finance, with ambition and a good personality? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she knows about this if she teaches at a qualifying school. Its only $17,500 but every bit helps.

https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/teacher

[Anonymous]

Just because OP has the money to payoff these loans doesn’t mean he should. The girl must be hot because there are better fish in the sea. Sounds like this girl is looking for a sugar daddy. If OP can live with that, let it be, otherwise, h*ll no. Sign a prenup that the loans are hers to repay.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I’d still discuss what is her plan for tackling this. If she took it on, she must have had some idea of how she was going to pay back.

If WF is 65/70 perhaps she or her parents came up with 20k each year and so 80k was their max? Or, did she feel entitled to this type of private. I’d want to know just a bit more.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have a conversation - because good relationships are built on having conversations.

[Anonymous]

I would not get into a serious relationship with someone whose judgement was so poor that they racked up that kind of debt for a career with a known pay scale and trajectory that will make paying it off difficult. I really hope she doesn’t want to be a math teacher.

There are cheaper ways to get a teaching degree or more lucrative majors at a expensive private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to better understand why the debt was accumulated. $200k for four years is $50/year. If her family needed the aid, presumably WF would have provided some grants. So, what’s up with her parents? Did they have a budget for state schools, but she elected WF and to pay the difference? Did her parents hit financial difficulty/bankruptcy? Did she work during school or summers to help pay? $200k for undergraduate school is crazy, so you need to unpack this. It could be totally rational or a huge red flag.

Whats the big mystery? The parents made enough money that there wasn’t any need aid, and they said the tuition was on her. An 18 year made the decision to go to random public university for $100k or WF for $200k. As a kid it’s easy to rationalize away that difference

Need based aid is loans at most schools

[Anonymous]

She told you her debt. That's a good sign, that she told you. Now talk more and learn The Why and The Plan.