How to speak with my daughter about my grandchild
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Anonymous
| I think that my 3 year old granddaughter should be screened for autism. I am very close to my daughter and she and my son-in-law seem to be in complete denial about the fact that she has many of the symptoms, so I wouldn't find it surprising if they were not completely honest with themselves when completing the autism survey at the doctor's office. My daughter is very defensive, so I am afraid of telling her that I think my granddaughter should get screened and angering her. My granddaughter is starting preschool for the first time in the fall and I'm hoping that her teachers will say something, but I am not sure if that's a reasonable expectation. Also, even if they do say something, I worry about her missing out on services in the interim. Has anyone waited to have this conversation and regretted it? Has anyone had it in a similar circumstance and found that it went well? |
Anonymous
| Why do you think she has autism? |
Anonymous
| Could you try writing her a heartfelt letter so her first reaction isn’t to shut down/get defensive? |
Anonymous
| MYOB. Be supportive, love your granddaughter, and let her parents parent. |
Anonymous
| OP—trust that her teachers will pick up on this. She will get the help and services she needs, if it is the case that she has autism. |
Anonymous
Sometimes parents need help parenting. I think that's where the phrase "it takes a village" comes from. |
Anonymous
THIS. MYOB |
Anonymous
|
Whatever you say will fall on deaf ears. It’s not about “myob” - they will not hear it coming from you and will just get angry. Then when it’s confirmed, they will resent you for being right.
Just don’t go there, OP. |
Anonymous
| It doesn't matter. The services don't do that much. Just be a loving presence to your granddaughter and a support to your daughter. If she has autism, it will become unignorable in time. |
Anonymous
She's not connected - won't make eye contact, won't look up - let alone get up - when new people enter, won't speak directly to anyone (even her parents) unless her parents ask her to say something and even then she usually won't say anything, does not try to make friends with and/or play with other children or adults, gets very angry if she's asked to share, and isn't able to follow basic directions. I worried about her for a while, but in the past 6 months as she's gotten older the lack of relatedness has become more obvious to me. |
Anonymous
But couldn't they also resent me for not saying anything? |
Anonymous
The best thing you can do (and I speak as a parent of an older child with autism) is to connect with her. Get down on the floor with her, show interest in what she is interested in, play with her toys with her, find ways to engage her and talk with her, encourage her and praise her for speaking to you, give her tons of positive, focused attention. That is essentially what a lot of therapy will be, and you can do that too. It will really help her to have that positive connection with you. |
Anonymous
No, they will hear it as a criticism of her, which in a way is what it is. She's not good enough, you have found a deficit, you want them to know. I realize that's not how you see it, but that is how it will feel to them. |
Anonymous
No. Because you would NEVER say, well I thought she seemed like she was autistic…You will just be a good grandparent and ask how you can support your granddaughter and your daughter. You know your daughter and your description of her being highly defensive is all you need to know of how this will go down. |
Anonymous
Not always the case, teachers have to walk a fine line and can’t really tell the parents their kid might have autism. Grandma would be better equipped for this. |