Stigma against "young moms"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Elizabeth Bruenig writes for clicks.

As opposed to all of those other journalists out there who, what, are independently wealthy and don't have to worry about job security?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IME it's regional. Here it's unusual to have kids in your 20s because so many people have advanced degrees and either marry older or both want to be established in their careers before having kids. Plus housing is $$$ and saving up for a down payment/paying off SLs can push the timeline back a few years even if you found your spouse on the younger side. Where I grew up there's a real "get a man to propose to you in college because otherwise all you'll be left with after 25 is the weirdos" attitude and if you don't have your first until your 30s it's seen as very strange/sad. People will assume you're a lesbian if single or experiencing infidelity otherwise. I had someone from my high school tell me that I should just try to get knocked up by a one night stand so that I would "at least have a baby" once - no I was not asking this person for any advice on my life, nor would I have taken any from her. But the mindset of "how sad you have no one to love you" even when I was living in NYC and attending law school in my 20s was not surprising to me. It's a whole vibe back home.

Yet people still have kids outside the accepted regional timeline in both places.

It's just the culture here in the DMV to spend your 20s on education, travel and career, then marriage and children in your 30s. So if you have kids in your 20's here, people think you missed some step - college, career, travel or maybe you had accidental baby. Nobody really cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today I saw a 50 year old pregnant and not going to lie I did judge a bit.

I would be scared for her, what a poor fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young moms seem to adapt to parenting better. Maybe because they're so young they don't realize what they're giving up yet and so it doesn't feel like as much of a sacrifice?

But the ones I meet almost always seem to cheerful and well adjusted. They seem very go with the flow. They're not the harried, stressed out moms I know in their thirties or forties.

I wonder what it is. Less need for sleep?

I have noticed the opposite among young moms, that they are less happy, perhaps because they long for freedom and fun or maybe they are poorer and less mature. When you have a kid, you have to grow up and make sacrifices and that's harder when you are young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad I had my kids at 24 and 26. I was an empty nester at 43 ( younger one started college a year early). My friend had a 2 year old at 43. We can travel and do whatever we want. Why would I want to be in my 40s with babies? None of that 20s partying would have been worth it. Why put off kids?

It was so easy. I was energetic. I don't understand mom's who need their mom to come help for months after giving birth. I left the hospital after 24 hrs ( first child) and 8 hrs (second child )after giving birth. Getting up at night was no big deal. I trained them to sleep through the night by 6 weeks. My older one slept 7pm-7am. It was easy.

I had my kids at 33 and 35 and had an equally easy time - got pregnant the first month off birth control both times and had easy pregnancies and deliveries. And DH and I traveled and did whatever we wanted to in our 20s, and got to a point in our careers where we have some stability and control. Why rush to have kids? A lot of younger parents struggle because they don't have as much money. If money and career advancement aren't factors, and you don't care about being carefree in your 20s, there's no reason to wait, but it's silly to act like people don't have good reasons for having kids in their 30s. Just as many people have good reasons for having kids in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's unquestionably a thing in the highly educated, UMC, elite professional circles that people like Liz Bruenig run in

This.

And if you were in a different socio-economic bracket in a different part of the country, having your kids in your mid to late 30s would be a thing.

It's not personal. You're just going against the herd a bit in terms of timing and people will endlessly comment on people who are outside the norm because it makes insecure people feel forced to question their own decision making. If everyone does the same thing, it feels safer.

OP here. I get this but it's weird that people still feel the need to comment on it to me at 39 because I have a thirteen year old and they maybe have a toddler or baby. I sometimes feel like saying, look I'm sorry you're stuck in the parenting trenches right now but you'll come out on the other side too, lol. It doesn't stay that hard forever.

That's kind of rude.

Unless the people who have the toddler or baby are rude to you, like saying "oh, well, you must not have gone to college" or something similar, there's no reason to be flippant to them. Being surprised that you have a 13-year old when you're 39 isn't rude in and of itself.

yeah, def thought that was a tell.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 27 in DC. The other moms at the park definitely assumed I was a nanny.

Then I moved to the Midwest and now I am on the older mom side....oh well.

I have a very good career, you don’t have to choose. I went part time when I had my first, but I have advanced up the ladder as far as my peers.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had had all my kids in my twenties.

[Anonymous]

I went straight from college to a top law school, where I met my husband who did the same. We went to NYC big law, got married a year into it, and had our first of 4 kids at 28. Now we’re mid thirties, he’s a partner, and I work for the government. No steps skipped, no financial hardship. We just happened to meet and get along and be of the same mindset. To be fair, we are very responsible and generally have our sh*t together but our friends weren’t too far behind us. It’s not that out of the ordinary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today I saw a 50 year old pregnant and not going to lie I did judge a bit.

Sigh...this is literally the 'stigma' we're talking about here.

Firstly, how did you know she was 50? And why does that matter, I assume she isn't asking you to pay her co pays?

I was a young mom (21, with a baby face). Then I was an old mom (43 with my youngest). So yeah, I'm the 50 yo mom of a Kindergartner. I get judged from all sides One awesome thing about being old now is that I just don't care what anyone thinks much anymore!!! I would not change a thing of how my life happened. I'm not going to be 50 and pregnant, but more power to those who are

[Anonymous]

I had a baby at an age maybe considered “young” for DC but part of my equation were my parents. This is going to sound morbid but they were older than my friends’ parents growing up and I would get anxiety thinking about my parents dying earlier. I did not enjoy having older parents. I also wanted my parents to enjoy being grandparents which I really don’t think you do as much in your 70s.

Of course I don’t condone judging women but biology goes one way. Everyone knows an 18-year-old can get pregnant but a 50 year old?? Obviously that’s outside of the norm. I wish more high-ranking women would normalize having babies early because many get to 35 and realize their time already ran out. As much as people in this area don’t want to admit it, it’s the truth.

[Anonymous]

Non one i graduated college with -- whom I personally knew --had a child before age 30. Of course there were others whom I did not know.

[Anonymous]

In my own circle no- one had a baby prior to age 40-ish, but this not unusual in the DC highly-educated "highly-employed" circles. I gave birth to my first at 41 and adopted my twins at 45. No one batted an eye. I left the workforce at this point as I was already financially stable and been teaching for 20 years at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Elizabeth Bruenig writes for clicks.

As opposed to all of those other journalists out there who, what, are independently wealthy and don't have to worry about job security?

LOL a lot of journalists are indeed independently wealthy. NYT and NPR are awash with trust funders and/or reporters married to law partners. The other ones eventually leave for better paying jobs in marketing.

[Anonymous]

Finished college and grad school and had my first baby at 27 in the DC area. I LOVED being a young mom. Most of my friends in the area are on the older side and had their kids mid-30s, but I have younger friends from work. The best part is having a ton of energy to run and keep up with them and being able to cope with the lack of sleep and still function at work. I think it's all about having the situation that you think will work for you. I wanted my parents to enjoy being young grandparents and we can all travel together and do fun outdoor activities. I have one friend in my running group who had a baby at 40 and had to go the night nurse/nanny route to compensate for the lack of energy/career, but every person is different and I think it's hard to generalize based on situations. In Mclean, I was always assumed to be the nanny at the mommy and me classes, but once you introduce yourself and are friendly, it's NBD.