Why does my partner pay $2400 a month child support for one kid?

[Anonymous]

Kids are expensive! Don't you think your dh should support his kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I could pay someone else to manage all my kid's expenses on only $2400 I'd be coming out way ahead. Infant daycare was $2400 alone.

I don’t think we’re talking about infant day care in most of these posts.

Infant care max price is $2400 and that's usually only for two years and the price goes down. You need to find a more affordable home care or other provider if that is too much. You are also responsible for a portion of it.

May infant centers are more than that now. It is getting close to $3,000 in a lot of places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what is the point of this thread? If you hear that it's a normal amount, are you going to stop feeling like that money should be available for you (and your future kids)? If you hear that it sounds high, are you going to demand he stop paying it or seek a modification?

This is just really, truly none of your business. You are a girlfriend and this is between co-parents, and very likely the state. If it bothers you, find someone else to date, but you should not presume to have or to voice an opinion on something so far outside of your sphere of influence.

^^this. When I was in my late 20s I dated a man who was separated with a young child (4 years old). I vividly remember being stressed by the fact that he and his ex chose an expensive private daycare even though the child had gotten a spot in a highly sought after public school. This was NYC so the expense of tuition and maintaining two apartments was considerable. his ex wasn’t working because she was finishing grad school and had taken time off to care for their child; meanwhile, he got tenure. so he must have been paying a HUGE chunk of his income to support them. I was upset about it and worried about how we could ever move forward as a couple when he had this responsibility and was making choices that seemed to come from guilt instead of prudent budgeting. Now that I have my own child and am facing divorce I look back and cringe (and am thankful I never brought it up with him.) Ultimately we broke up because our stages in life were too different. His financial responsibilities were one way that we were just too different. At the time I remember being confused and frustrated about why we couldn’t move forward to a “blended family” but now I know exactly what he was doing and I admire him for it. I suppose he wasn’t completely honest with me about our future but neither of us were really thinking it through. We fell in love but it wasn’t possible for the long term - it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

No one cares you bought the house before the kids. Without kids, one can live in a studio or a one-bedroom apartment; with kids, you need a larger residence. That you already had a larger residence is irrelevant; you chose to take on that expense when you didn't have to. Same with cars.

But all of that is meaningless.

Child support is tied to income because it isn't a competition on how cheaply children can be raised at a subsistence farm. It has only a very minimal connection to what it actually costs to raise a child. It is tied to income because of an implied truth: your children's lifestyle should be "somewhat" commensurate to yours. That is, a rich man's child will lead a richer lifestyle, and a poor man's child a poorer one. Even though the actual cost to raise these children might be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

No one cares you bought the house before the kids. Without kids, one can live in a studio or a one-bedroom apartment; with kids, you need a larger residence. That you already had a larger residence is irrelevant; you chose to take on that expense when you didn't have to. Same with cars.

But all of that is meaningless.

Child support is tied to income because it isn't a competition on how cheaply children can be raised at a subsistence farm. It has only a very minimal connection to what it actually costs to raise a child. It is tied to income because of an implied truth: your children's lifestyle should be "somewhat" commensurate to yours. That is, a rich man's child will lead a richer lifestyle, and a poor man's child a poorer one. Even though the actual cost to raise these children might be the same.

That PP is ridiculous. The idea that somehow she'd get to keep the residence without some large payout to the husband is BS. She obviously thinks she'll never get divorced and when she does will live in a studio with her 17 year old son 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

No one cares you bought the house before the kids. Without kids, one can live in a studio or a one-bedroom apartment; with kids, you need a larger residence. That you already had a larger residence is irrelevant; you chose to take on that expense when you didn't have to. Same with cars.

But all of that is meaningless.

Child support is tied to income because it isn't a competition on how cheaply children can be raised at a subsistence farm. It has only a very minimal connection to what it actually costs to raise a child. It is tied to income because of an implied truth: your children's lifestyle should be "somewhat" commensurate to yours. That is, a rich man's child will lead a richer lifestyle, and a poor man's child a poorer one. Even though the actual cost to raise these children might be the same.

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I could pay someone else to manage all my kid's expenses on only $2400 I'd be coming out way ahead. Infant daycare was $2400 alone.

I don’t think we’re talking about infant day care in most of these posts.

Infant care max price is $2400 and that's usually only for two years and the price goes down. You need to find a more affordable home care or other provider if that is too much. You are also responsible for a portion of it.

May infant centers are more than that now. It is getting close to $3,000 in a lot of places.

Verified - was quoted $2800 by bright horizons in Tysons. So that's not even downtown DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I could pay someone else to manage all my kid's expenses on only $2400 I'd be coming out way ahead. Infant daycare was $2400 alone.

I don’t think we’re talking about infant day care in most of these posts.

Infant care max price is $2400 and that's usually only for two years and the price goes down. You need to find a more affordable home care or other provider if that is too much. You are also responsible for a portion of it.

May infant centers are more than that now. It is getting close to $3,000 in a lot of places.

That's not surprising as they have had to lower the number of kids in centers due to covid and still meet the same expenses. However, you can do an in home day care or nanny share or other options as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew pays $800 a month for one kid with no court involvement, he's paid it for 13 years, totally voluntary. If he did go through the courts it would likely be about half that based on his income and Va laws.

He does it because he wants to.

Ok it costs a ton to raise a kid. $800 isn’t much at all. In the summer camps are $400 a month

Listen to yourself.

FYI activities like camp are typically above and beyond child support and split proportional to income (and must be mutually agreed to by the Ex-spouses)

It does not matter what you believe is “extra.” OP’s BF has agreed to that amount or it has been ordered by a court. OP needs to butt out. Not her business.

Honey, it is not what I believe. Or OP. Or her boyfriend. Or the boyfriend’s ex. What I am saying is things like summer camps are considered by the courts to be discretionary big-ticket expenditures that are outside what child support can normally and customarily be expected to cover. Those expenses typically are subjected to mutual agreement and proportional payments that are over and above the child support and either parent had veto power. Please understand how this actually works before you opine. Thanks.

It depends on the state. My spouse was ordered to pay one amount and camps, activities and everything outside of braces was included. Most it is not even proportional. Usually except for wealthy fathers it just one amount. If OP partner is paying $2400 a month and Mom is also responsible for a portion that is more than enough to include camps and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

No, you don’t “need” that. You want it.

So your argument is that OP should tell her BF “go to court and reduce your payment. I don’t care if your ex and child have to move into a 1 bedroom apartment or move away from your child’s school and friends.”

If the amount is too high per child support guidelines, yes, she should. Mom is also responsible for her kids needs and her own housing. If you cannot afford where you live regardless of divorce, you move. You sound very entitled. How will you manage when child support stops?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

No one cares you bought the house before the kids. Without kids, one can live in a studio or a one-bedroom apartment; with kids, you need a larger residence. That you already had a larger residence is irrelevant; you chose to take on that expense when you didn't have to. Same with cars.

But all of that is meaningless.

Child support is tied to income because it isn't a competition on how cheaply children can be raised at a subsistence farm. It has only a very minimal connection to what it actually costs to raise a child. It is tied to income because of an implied truth: your children's lifestyle should be "somewhat" commensurate to yours. That is, a rich man's child will lead a richer lifestyle, and a poor man's child a poorer one. Even though the actual cost to raise these children might be the same.

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

so OP, her BF, and their kids should live in a big house, while is ex and their child live in a 1 bedroom apartment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

No, you don’t “need” that. You want it.

So your argument is that OP should tell her BF “go to court and reduce your payment. I don’t care if your ex and child have to move into a 1 bedroom apartment or move away from your child’s school and friends.”

If the amount is too high per child support guidelines, yes, she should. Mom is also responsible for her kids needs and her own housing. If you cannot afford where you live regardless of divorce, you move. You sound very entitled. How will you manage when child support stops?

what you’re failing to grasp is your MRA beliefs do not matter. the guidelines are not a legal floor. somewhere down the line, this guy agreed or was ordered to pay that amount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is the point of this thread? If you hear that it's a normal amount, are you going to stop feeling like that money should be available for you (and your future kids)? If you hear that it sounds high, are you going to demand he stop paying it or seek a modification?

This is just really, truly none of your business. You are a girlfriend and this is between co-parents, and very likely the state. If it bothers you, find someone else to date, but you should not presume to have or to voice an opinion on something so far outside of your sphere of influence.

^^this. When I was in my late 20s I dated a man who was separated with a young child (4 years old). I vividly remember being stressed by the fact that he and his ex chose an expensive private daycare even though the child had gotten a spot in a highly sought after public school. This was NYC so the expense of tuition and maintaining two apartments was considerable. his ex wasn’t working because she was finishing grad school and had taken time off to care for their child; meanwhile, he got tenure. so he must have been paying a HUGE chunk of his income to support them. I was upset about it and worried about how we could ever move forward as a couple when he had this responsibility and was making choices that seemed to come from guilt instead of prudent budgeting. Now that I have my own child and am facing divorce I look back and cringe (and am thankful I never brought it up with him.) Ultimately we broke up because our stages in life were too different. His financial responsibilities were one way that we were just too different. At the time I remember being confused and frustrated about why we couldn’t move forward to a “blended family” but now I know exactly what he was doing and I admire him for it. I suppose he wasn’t completely honest with me about our future but neither of us were really thinking it through. We fell in love but it wasn’t possible for the long term - it happens.

Kudos to you for your growth in understanding. The women who dumbfound me are the ones who are mothers themselves and angry their partner supports his prior children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The crazy thing is that when he has more kids, each won’t get $2400. I make a similar amount and bring home 3k a paycheck (after maxing out retirement and my health insurance)

I know dh and I don’t spend that on our kids a month. We have the same house and cars we did prekids, so those costs would be the same regardless of kids.

Same with us. It costs us no more in housing or electricity as we'd have the house regardless.

Are you a single Mom? Without a child I could live in a 1 bedroom apartment. With a child we need two bedrooms. The cost goes up quite a bit.

No, you don’t “need” that. You want it.

So your argument is that OP should tell her BF “go to court and reduce your payment. I don’t care if your ex and child have to move into a 1 bedroom apartment or move away from your child’s school and friends.”

If the amount is too high per child support guidelines, yes, she should. Mom is also responsible for her kids needs and her own housing. If you cannot afford where you live regardless of divorce, you move. You sound very entitled. How will you manage when child support stops?

That amount sounds reasonable for this area’s incomes. But the courts really follow the calculator. No reason to believe a judge ignored the calculator when that is so easily appealed.

Why aren’t BOTH parents responsible for the child’s expenses?
When CS stops, the kid is 18 and probably not living at home going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

No one cares you bought the house before the kids. Without kids, one can live in a studio or a one-bedroom apartment; with kids, you need a larger residence. That you already had a larger residence is irrelevant; you chose to take on that expense when you didn't have to. Same with cars.

But all of that is meaningless.

Child support is tied to income because it isn't a competition on how cheaply children can be raised at a subsistence farm. It has only a very minimal connection to what it actually costs to raise a child. It is tied to income because of an implied truth: your children's lifestyle should be "somewhat" commensurate to yours. That is, a rich man's child will lead a richer lifestyle, and a poor man's child a poorer one. Even though the actual cost to raise these children might be the same.

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

so OP, her BF, and their kids should live in a big house, while is ex and their child live in a 1 bedroom apartment?

I mean if she can’t afford more then yes. This is why women should focus on their careers too. Don’t let men make all the money. When you’re divorced you have to bring home the bacon.