Why does my partner pay $2400 a month child support for one kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Point is that its how you choose to spend your money. You get what you get and as the custodial parent you also need to contribute to your child's care. You keep talking about the responsibility of the NCP but the CP has equal if not more responsibility to provide for their needs. If you shop at Whole Foods and blow $500 a week, you cannot expect Dad to pay for it when you can go to Aldi's for 1/3 that. You also cannot expect Dad to pay for your housing and other expenses and act like its income when its not. There is want and need. Your child has basic needs. Anything over that is a want. What ever you get you either make it work or you pay the difference (which it doesn't sound like you are willing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

No one cares you bought the house before the kids. Without kids, one can live in a studio or a one-bedroom apartment; with kids, you need a larger residence. That you already had a larger residence is irrelevant; you chose to take on that expense when you didn't have to. Same with cars.

But all of that is meaningless.

Child support is tied to income because it isn't a competition on how cheaply children can be raised at a subsistence farm. It has only a very minimal connection to what it actually costs to raise a child. It is tied to income because of an implied truth: your children's lifestyle should be "somewhat" commensurate to yours. That is, a rich man's child will lead a richer lifestyle, and a poor man's child a poorer one. Even though the actual cost to raise these children might be the same.

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

so OP, her BF, and their kids should live in a big house, while is ex and their child live in a 1 bedroom apartment?

I mean if she can’t afford more then yes. This is why women should focus on their careers too. Don’t let men make all the money. When you’re divorced you have to bring home the bacon.

If OP is paying for the big house, maybe that is why. If Mom wants kids to live in a big house and cannot afford more, the kids can always go live with Dad. If Dad is paying 2/3rd his income post taxes and still needs to provide a bedroom, camps for when child visits, clothing, food, 1/2 medical care, then OP has a right to be concerned as Dad doesn't have enough left over to pay for his own needs let alone joint expenses and if they move in together then she'll end up funding a lot of their lifestyle.

If Mom is getting court ordered child support based off Dad's income and her income isn't enough to get more than a one bedroom apartment, then that's life and she needs to make it work. Either kid gets the bedroom and she takes the living room OR she creates a divider so they can share the bedroom. Lots of options. Plenty of low income families who aren't divorced live that way. Or, if Mom cannot afford for child to live with her, child can go live with Dad. Expecting Dad to fund Mom's housing and lifestyle is setting up Mom for failure as at some point child support to Mom stops and Mom will have issues if she cannot maintain her lifestyle without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it is none of your damn business. He has a responsibility to the child he brought into this world, not the person who's keeping his dick occupied.

This was kind of crude, but for anyone who has been there and done that, very on-point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be glad he supports his child. If this bothers you even a little, this isn’t your scene.

Stepmom here.

Stepmom here, as well - and I’d say it depends.

DH’s ex is completely toxic and overbearing. He never got any say in how his kids were raised when they were married and it didn’t change after the divorce. Her ability to actually co-parent is zero.

In this instance, he is doing the honorable and stand up thing and paying his calculated cs - as well as extras for which he gets no actual/effective say.

When they turn 18, he’s done, and I 100% agree with that stance.

OP - I think this situation depends. Are you guys in it for the long haul? How old are the kids? What are the laws in your state? And, most importantly - does he get equal say in the parenting realm?

If yes to the latter and he is paying what is deemed “fair” by the state, you need to step back and let this play out. If there are toxic dynamics at play AND you guys are planning a future together, I would say voice your concerns and start having the hard discussions about how this situation will impact your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew pays $800 a month for one kid with no court involvement, he's paid it for 13 years, totally voluntary. If he did go through the courts it would likely be about half that based on his income and Va laws.

He does it because he wants to.

Ok it costs a ton to raise a kid. $800 isn’t much at all. In the summer camps are $400 a month

Listen to yourself.

FYI activities like camp are typically above and beyond child support and split proportional to income (and must be mutually agreed to by the Ex-spouses)

It does not matter what you believe is “extra.” OP’s BF has agreed to that amount or it has been ordered by a court. OP needs to butt out. Not her business.

Honey, it is not what I believe. Or OP. Or her boyfriend. Or the boyfriend’s ex. What I am saying is things like summer camps are considered by the courts to be discretionary big-ticket expenditures that are outside what child support can normally and customarily be expected to cover. Those expenses typically are subjected to mutual agreement and proportional payments that are over and above the child support and either parent had veto power. Please understand how this actually works before you opine. Thanks.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

I mean if the mom doesn’t make as much money or didn’t focus on her career, why should she get to live in a huge house and have all the extras? Kid could go to dads full time if all that mattered was the living arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - shitty moms, not shitty Kim’s.

[Anonymous]

What’s hurtful is when you have bio kids getting way way less than a step kid because there’s not enough money left over. Total difference in living situation between siblings.

I just don’t really get child support between two people who have 50/50 custody and make similar amounts. Why is it even needed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Point is that its how you choose to spend your money. You get what you get and as the custodial parent you also need to contribute to your child's care. You keep talking about the responsibility of the NCP but the CP has equal if not more responsibility to provide for their needs. If you shop at Whole Foods and blow $500 a week, you cannot expect Dad to pay for it when you can go to Aldi's for 1/3 that. You also cannot expect Dad to pay for your housing and other expenses and act like its income when its not. There is want and need. Your child has basic needs. Anything over that is a want. What ever you get you either make it work or you pay the difference (which it doesn't sound like you are willing).

That's not the point of this thread at all. The OP is surprised her partner is paying $2,400/month in child support because she thinks the child's needs can be covered with much less. The answer is that it doesn't matter how much it takes to cover what she thinks the child needs. This child is entitled to a certain percentage of his/her father's income, whatever that income is. Don't think of this as cost-plus contract. Think of it as mandatory inheritance disbursement while you're still alive.

The OP is just feelin' the burn when she sees money going out of the door and thinking, hmm, he can be taking me to Acapulco with this money!

Sorry love. The child called first dibs. Find a childless guy and persuade him to spend on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point is for many of us it doesn't cost anything additional to have kids living in our home. You don't need a larger residence. We have a 1000 square foot house and do just fine in it. You want a larger house. There is want vs. need. If you as Mom choose to have a nicer lifestyle than you can afford, you shouldn't expect Dad to pay for it. I choose to spend my money on my child so they have a nicer lifestyle than I do. Its all about priorities. You may need to live in a 3000 square foot house paid for by your ex but reality is 1000 is just fine.

And for many of you, it does!

Want and need is meaningless.

Child support is pegged to income, not to some mythical "want vs. need". It's not about how much a child need. It's about the fact that the state has decreed that your child is entitled to a certain percentage of your income, whatever that income is. If a non-custodial parent makes a million dollars, the child will get a percentage of that. If that parent makes 80K, the child will get a percentage of that. These two children eat the same # of calories a day and can be fed for the same amount, yet their child support numbers will be vastly different. Want and need does not come into it.

Beyond all that, a child has a right to support by both parents. I can’t see why a loving parent would want their child to have LESS at the other parent’s home.

Same, but I understand why shitty stepmoms do.

Oh, bugger off.

There are plenty of shitty Kim’s out there who don’t give dad a say and then expect the stepmom to just keep her mouth shut when $ that should be going into their household/future is being chucked down the drain by the ex’s poor decision making/life choices.

And there you have it, in a nutshell.

"This money should be mine and instead it is going to somebody else. Waaahhhh."

The stepmom can keep her mouth shut or not. It doesn't matter. She's not the party to the child support action. She has to make do with whatever is left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2400/month is literally less than 20% of his income. You sound heartless.

Remember Dad pays taxes on his income, and probably provides the health care and more. Mom gets all that money tax free. $2400 is more than most people spend on their kids. Is more than some people earn in a month. Its a lot of money. We spend a lot on our child and don't even come close to that if you average it out over a year (except maybe if you include college savings).

-.+100 the file support we paid for one was much more than the amount we paid for two in our house ( including health insurance, share of utilities and food etc, not just direct kid costs). All while the ex lies about where money and activities came from and never went back to work. I could go on with more... 🙄

We had all kinds of drama. Ex demanded we pay for her health insurance even though kid had always been on Dad's since birth but she didn't want to use it. Dad was ordered to provide insurance. She ended up dropping her insurance and putting him on medicaid as we got a call from medicaid demanding we reimburse them (which we refused as we had insurance for him and they should have done their homework). She'd demand he pay extra for activities and then the kids wouldn't participate. We finally caught on and said tell us where to send the money (company or school) and we'll send it directly and tell us where we buy the uniform/shoes or what ever was needed and sizes and we'll ship it directly to the house. But, hey, no one here wants to hear the other side. And, the braces... we agreed to pay 1/2 per the court order after insurance directly to the orthotist and she refused to use the child support money to pay her half so kid never got them till an adult. They should make people who get child support file yearly like they do with guardianship or social security rep. payee to prove the money is spend on the individual receiving it.

As a parent, the food costs are nominal for an extra kid. Our housing and utility costs are the same. Our big expenses are private lessons and sports and camps (but all of those are optional and I could pick much cheaper ways of doing it). Even so, its not $2000+ a month even with a sleep away camp for a week.

Bologna.

How is it bologna? We bought a house before we had a child. So, same cost as before as we needed a place to live. We see no difference in utility bills. And, food isn't that much and mine are older. So, what other expense are there except activities? Those are optional. And, clothing but I shop clearance so usually the cost is minimal. And, transportation? We have the same cars and would regardless of a child. Many inflate the cost of kids.

It is bologna that "food costs are nominal for an extra kid" (the part I bolded.) If you truly believe that food costs for a kid are "nominal" you must have never had custody of a kid over the age of 8 or 9. This was a topic of discussion on a different thread on DCUM a few days ago--about how much preteens and teens eat, especially if they are athletes.

NP. MAYBE kid eats an extra $400 a month.

I think $2400 a month is crazy. DH makes 150k. That's what our mortgage costs! Our kids are in daycare, so clearly the 3 of them are more than $2400, but we tightened our belts for a few years. I can't imagine if DH were sending $2400 off to a stepkid, we wouldn't be able to afford much of anything. I guess it just gives dads incentive to get full custody.

Simple - he wouldn’t be able to afford you