How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you worried about seeing her body? Young boys? Your husband?

Just use this as a teachable moment. You can't keep them from such scenes at Walmart.

This is like people who homeschool, so their children are "shielded" from the real world...but then how will those kids learn to navigate it when they go to college or join a workplace.

Help them interpret what they are seeing around them, because if you try to control what the whole rest of the world, you are going to lose that battle.

I get unconrollably excited when I see skimpily dressed women with cleaning products. I understand OP's concern.

I am tempted to google if this is an actual fetish.

Have you watched Shameless? Kev, V and Svetlana start a topless cleaning service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you worried about seeing her body? Young boys? Your husband?

Just use this as a teachable moment. You can't keep them from such scenes at Walmart.

This is like people who homeschool, so their children are "shielded" from the real world...but then how will those kids learn to navigate it when they go to college or join a workplace.

Help them interpret what they are seeing around them, because if you try to control what the whole rest of the world, you are going to lose that battle.

I get unconrollably excited when I see skimpily dressed women with cleaning products. I understand OP's concern.

I am tempted to google if this is an actual fetish.

Have you watched Shameless? Kev, V and Svetlana start a topless cleaning service.

I am not going to follow someone around the house to watch them clean. I just don't see the attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.

Actually, the guy who came to fix our kitchen sink was not expecting our family when he put on his All Lives Matter t-shirt that morning. DH is a 6 foot 4 dark-skinned black man. The guy asked to use the bathroom and when he came out, his shirt was on inside out. No words exchanged about it.

Right? And if he was coming every week for hours, it would be fine to ask him to wear a non-offensive shirt.

The sexism is coming from the women on this thread who believe that OP should be quiet and demure and not dare to offend someone by expressing her thoughts. Not to mention those who believe that she should be cleaning her own home.

Nice strawman there. I would agree that a male OP should keep his trap shut about what the cleaning lady wears, too. The cleaner is not an employee, she is wearing clothing that is comfortable for the work she is doing, and we're talking about a couple of hours a week, probably. OP's personal decision to wear different clothing does not give her the right to tell another adult what to wear.

Yeah. A man wouldn’t crowdsource this. He would just do it.
And the OP isn’t telling anyone what to wear.
She is thinking about asking her to maybe wear something a little more modest when she is in the OP’s home. And she is getting slammed for even having this thought. Because clearly her comfort in her own home doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.

Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer? It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper. So OP is not the employer.

Ok. OP is the client. It’s still a reasonable request.

Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate? After all, it's part of their religion.

I’m a therapist and own my own practice. It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them. And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.

If you’re a therapist, you surely recognize the differences between a therapist- client relationship and the type of relationship that the OP is describing. So, interesting observations, but not really relevant. Let’s flip it. Would it be reasonable for you to ask a client to wear a head scarf? Would it be reasonable for your clients to ask you to purchase entire outfits to wear during your sessions with them — when the outfits may cost far more than the fee they’re paying you? Would it be reasonable for them to bring you an outfit that meets their standards for acceptability? If any of these questions has made you cringe, even a little bit, then maybe some empathy and insight have been achieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.

Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer? It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper. So OP is not the employer.

Ok. OP is the client. It’s still a reasonable request.

Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate? After all, it's part of their religion.

I’m a therapist and own my own practice. It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them. And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.

I don’t think that’s a reasonable request at all. If they wanted a therapist from their own community, they should have sought one out to begin with.

Why? What if it isn’t a big deal? Or it is, and I get a chance to explain why?
I agree it might be uncomfortable for a moment, but I don’t see how it’s immoral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is describing clothes that are, in her words, revealing.

You know what else those clothes are, though? They are CHEAP. Those are the clothes sold at stores in low-income neighborhoods. Cheap polyester shirts. Cheap pleather pants.

As a domestic worker, OP's cleaning lady can't afford to have a separate wardrobe just for cleaning the house of one client, and the clothes available in her community are the ones she's wearing.

OP - there are cultural and class issues in play here, and you need to take a step back and look at what you are really asking. It's not pretty.

This. She probably buys her clothing at Rainbow or some similar shop, and that is what they sell.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.

Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer? It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper. So OP is not the employer.

Ok. OP is the client. It’s still a reasonable request.

Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate? After all, it's part of their religion.

I’m a therapist and own my own practice. It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them. And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.

If you’re a therapist, you surely recognize the differences between a therapist- client relationship and the type of relationship that the OP is describing. So, interesting observations, but not really relevant. Let’s flip it. Would it be reasonable for you to ask a client to wear a head scarf? Would it be reasonable for your clients to ask you to purchase entire outfits to wear during your sessions with them — when the outfits may cost far more than the fee they’re paying you? Would it be reasonable for them to bring you an outfit that meets their standards for acceptability? If any of these questions has made you cringe, even a little bit, then maybe some empathy and insight have been achieved.

Look. I’m not saying it’s a perfect analogy. It’s just a response to some asking me if it would be okay if my employer asked me to wear a headscarf.

Yes. Someone bringing in an outfit for me to wear or requesting that I purchase something specific to wear during sessions with them would be unusual behavior. And people suggesting that the OP purchase a uniform are out of line.

However, asking someone politely to choose a t-shirt instead of a tank top when they come to your home is reasonable. And, in my experience, most women need more encouragement to be assertive and ask for things that they want.

[Anonymous]

Buy her a house coat and ask her to wear it while cleaning. You can say it is to keep her lovely clothes from getting dirty while working for you. you can say it is to keep her warm while your heating is not working.

And report back because I'd like to know if she puts it on or tells you to go f yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

Where does it end? What if the cleaning lady changes to clothing she thinks is more modest but OP still thinks it’s not modest enough?

Sure OP can ask the woman to change her clothing, but she also has to be prepared to live with the consequences of losing a very good cleaning lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

You hired her to clean, not look prim and proper like an amish woman. Dress is not an aspect of the job. Hire someone new.

The horror of faux leather pants and cleavage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

You hired her to clean, not look prim and proper like an amish woman. Dress is not an aspect of the job. Hire someone new.

The horror of faux leather pants and cleavage.

Ehh...you can wear a t-shirt and jeans and be modest. It’s hardly Amish.

[Anonymous]

I think you are perfectly within your rights to ask, OP, just as she's within her rights to refuse.
It might go down better if you offered to buy her the more conservative clothes you have in mind! She might be very happy to wear something more elegant and tasteful

I'm sure she's not rolling in money and may be at a loss as to what to wear. You know that what she wears is the cheapest thing she can find in regular stores, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think you are perfectly within your rights to ask, OP, just as she's within her rights to refuse.
It might go down better if you offered to buy her the more conservative clothes you have in mind! She might be very happy to wear something more elegant and tasteful

I'm sure she's not rolling in money and may be at a loss as to what to wear. You know that what she wears is the cheapest thing she can find in regular stores, right?

I'm sure the cleaning lady is dying for some "elegant and tasteful" clothes to wear while cleaning houses.

What are you going to do when she shows up in yoga pants (which you said were fine) or jeans that are just as tight as these supposed leather pants she's wearing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexism.

You would never ask a man to change his clothes. If a plumber came to unclog your toilet you would not ask him to wear a non-offensive t-shirt.

Actually I have cringed when the electrician had on a shirt with and expletive on it and don’t even get me started on the plumbers with their cracks showing!