How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

Where does it end? What if the cleaning lady changes to clothing she thinks is more modest but OP still thinks it’s not modest enough?

Sure OP can ask the woman to change her clothing, but she also has to be prepared to live with the consequences of losing a very good cleaning lady.

I mean, yes, it could in theory go on forever. In practice, the cleaning lady will presumably take the hint and dress the way the OP wants. Or the cleaning lady could walk - as she has a right to do. I don't understand all the drama that people are creating about this - it is a business relationship, nothing more, nothing less. Either party is free to make demands and free to choose not to continue the relationship.

+1.
OP is a client, the housecleaner is a service provider. There's nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with a client listing their preferences for the service provider. WTF is wrong with you, people?

[Anonymous]

OP, what was she wearing when she came to discuss the job? If she was wearing skintight leather pants and low cut top at that time, you really shouldn't have hired her, or mentioned modest clothing.

If, however, she showed up in something more modest, and is now wearing the immodest clothes, I think you totally should say something. Frankly, it feels a bit passive aggressive on her part, IMO. Or, she's tone deaf.

Either way, you can mention it. If she has a problem with it, then you both go your separate ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

Where does it end? What if the cleaning lady changes to clothing she thinks is more modest but OP still thinks it’s not modest enough?

Sure OP can ask the woman to change her clothing, but she also has to be prepared to live with the consequences of losing a very good cleaning lady.

I mean, yes, it could in theory go on forever. In practice, the cleaning lady will presumably take the hint and dress the way the OP wants. Or the cleaning lady could walk - as she has a right to do. I don't understand all the drama that people are creating about this - it is a business relationship, nothing more, nothing less. Either party is free to make demands and free to choose not to continue the relationship.

+1.
OP is a client, the housecleaner is a service provider. There's nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with a client listing their preferences for the service provider. WTF is wrong with you, people?

It's not wrong for your boss to ask you to come to work in a bikini?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

Where does it end? What if the cleaning lady changes to clothing she thinks is more modest but OP still thinks it’s not modest enough?

Sure OP can ask the woman to change her clothing, but she also has to be prepared to live with the consequences of losing a very good cleaning lady.

I mean, yes, it could in theory go on forever. In practice, the cleaning lady will presumably take the hint and dress the way the OP wants. Or the cleaning lady could walk - as she has a right to do. I don't understand all the drama that people are creating about this - it is a business relationship, nothing more, nothing less. Either party is free to make demands and free to choose not to continue the relationship.

+1.
OP is a client, the housecleaner is a service provider. There's nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with a client listing their preferences for the service provider. WTF is wrong with you, people?

+1 And too funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with these posters. You are hiring this cleaning lady, and if you are not happy with any aspect of the job she is doing or the way she does it - including the clothes she is wearing - you can ask her to change it.

Where does it end? What if the cleaning lady changes to clothing she thinks is more modest but OP still thinks it’s not modest enough?

Sure OP can ask the woman to change her clothing, but she also has to be prepared to live with the consequences of losing a very good cleaning lady.

I mean, yes, it could in theory go on forever. In practice, the cleaning lady will presumably take the hint and dress the way the OP wants. Or the cleaning lady could walk - as she has a right to do. I don't understand all the drama that people are creating about this - it is a business relationship, nothing more, nothing less. Either party is free to make demands and free to choose not to continue the relationship.

+1.
OP is a client, the housecleaner is a service provider. There's nothing, I repeat, nothing wrong with a client listing their preferences for the service provider. WTF is wrong with you, people?

Not all client relationships are the same. Some client relationships are more equal than others. The relationship between a housekeeper and a UMC mom who hires her is not the same as the relationship between an accountant or lawyer and a client.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.

Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer? It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper. So OP is not the employer.

Ok. OP is the client. It’s still a reasonable request.

Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate? After all, it's part of their religion.

I’m a therapist and own my own practice. It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them. And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.

I don’t think that’s a reasonable request at all. If they wanted a therapist from their own community, they should have sought one out to begin with.

Why? What if it isn’t a big deal? Or it is, and I get a chance to explain why?
I agree it might be uncomfortable for a moment, but I don’t see how it’s immoral.

Who said it’s immoral? I said it’s unreasonable. Not the same at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is describing clothes that are, in her words, revealing.

You know what else those clothes are, though? They are CHEAP. Those are the clothes sold at stores in low-income neighborhoods. Cheap polyester shirts. Cheap pleather pants.

As a domestic worker, OP's cleaning lady can't afford to have a separate wardrobe just for cleaning the house of one client, and the clothes available in her community are the ones she's wearing.

OP - there are cultural and class issues in play here, and you need to take a step back and look at what you are really asking. It's not pretty.

Oh, please.
Here are CHEAP clothes from Walmart that aren't revealing
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lucky-Brand-Womens-Button-Dowon-Plaid-Casual-Top/382162569

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.

Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer? It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper. So OP is not the employer.

Ok. OP is the client. It’s still a reasonable request.

Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate? After all, it's part of their religion.

I’m a therapist and own my own practice. It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them. And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.

You avoided answering the question. You know perfectly well that PP isn't playing a guessing about your exactly employment and that the majority of posters work in an office for a company or the federal government.

So what if they did? I would probably just ignore it and move on. I’m not going to do it, and we all know I’m not going to be fired over it. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.
What would you do if your employer requested that you wear a head scarf? Freak out? Quit? Start wearing one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is describing clothes that are, in her words, revealing.

You know what else those clothes are, though? They are CHEAP. Those are the clothes sold at stores in low-income neighborhoods. Cheap polyester shirts. Cheap pleather pants.

As a domestic worker, OP's cleaning lady can't afford to have a separate wardrobe just for cleaning the house of one client, and the clothes available in her community are the ones she's wearing.

OP - there are cultural and class issues in play here, and you need to take a step back and look at what you are really asking. It's not pretty.

Oh, please.
Here are CHEAP clothes from Walmart that aren't revealing
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lucky-Brand-Womens-Button-Dowon-Plaid-Casual-Top/382162569

That costs $61. That's not cheap. How much do you think a housekeeper earns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is describing clothes that are, in her words, revealing.

You know what else those clothes are, though? They are CHEAP. Those are the clothes sold at stores in low-income neighborhoods. Cheap polyester shirts. Cheap pleather pants.

As a domestic worker, OP's cleaning lady can't afford to have a separate wardrobe just for cleaning the house of one client, and the clothes available in her community are the ones she's wearing.

OP - there are cultural and class issues in play here, and you need to take a step back and look at what you are really asking. It's not pretty.

Oh, please.
Here are CHEAP clothes from Walmart that aren't revealing
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lucky-Brand-Womens-Button-Dowon-Plaid-Casual-Top/382162569

That costs $61. That's not cheap. How much do you think a housekeeper earns?

Here is something cheaper:

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=409748012&vid=2&tid=onpl000000&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuJ6Gv66D7gIVSr3ACh0qewIWEAQYASABEgKtPfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content

https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=409743022&vid=2&tid=onpl000000&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuJ6Gv66D7gIVSr3ACh0qewIWEAQYAiABEgLtRPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OF course you can ask, OP. Most of DCUM completely ignores their cleaning lady and has no interaction other than leaving out a check on the counter. So they can’t understand why it would matter to you what she looks like or wears.
If it’s important to you that she is comfortable around you and your family and vice versa, then of course you can mention that you prefer people dress modestly in your home.

My parents’ weekly cleaning lady came to my wedding and I went to my weekly cleaning lady’s citizenship ceremony, and I would never dream of asking my cleaning lady to dress differently in the manner OP is describing. I’m getting douche chills just thinking about having that conversation.

And PPs are right, during Covid you should be giving your cleaning lady a lot of space, not hovering over her wondering what she’s wearing like Monica in that super weird Friends plot. And if your husband and/or sons are why you’re worried about this, a) that’s their problem, not hers; and b) keep them away from her instead of making her adjust how she works.

Could OP also ask her cleaning lady to grow her hair to her waist because that’s part of her religious tradition?

[Anonymous]

When our cleaning ladies come, we aren't following them around the house. We stay in one room and let them work. Why does it matter what they wear?

[Anonymous]

This was an episode of a TV show. I can’t remember which but I remember watching it.

[Anonymous]

This is why we use an agency. If I had that problem I would just call the owner and ask them to ask their professional staff to dress more professionally. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was an episode of a TV show. I can’t remember which but I remember watching it.

There was an episode of Friends in which Monica thought their cleaning lady was stealing her clothes.