How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?

[Anonymous]

We have a very (religiously) conservative home and modesty is important to us in our religion. I have a cleaning lady rec'd to me and she is great, but she regularly wears low cut, see through, or otherwise super tight/ revealing clothes. Is there a way that I can ask her to maybe not wear these clothes in our house? It's important to me to not come across as rude or disrespectful. How can I do this?

[Anonymous]

You don’t bring it up. There is no polite way to say, “your clothing is inappropriate for my house.”

Why do you see what she is wearing anyway? Aren’t you out of the house or behind closed doors when she comes?

[Anonymous]

op here,

I didn't call her "help". She is a person who comes in for cleaning help. I could have also said "cleaning lady".

[Anonymous]

You don't. If you want people to respect you and your beliefs, then you need to respect yours, even if they're different. Respect is a two ways street and it's very hypocritical to expect her to respect you when you clearly don't respect her different beliefs about modesty.

Adding to that--she's working HARD and working up a sweat. Let the woman where whatever she needs to in order to avoid overheating. Do you exercise in turtlenecks and jeans?

You would be body shaming her and that is NEVER okay.

Signed--
Someone who grew up in a religiously conservative and modest/shaming household but got tired of other people micromanaging my body and left the religion and gained my independence. It was the most freeing moment of my life.

[Anonymous]

I'm really not trying to body shame. For example, I don't care if someone is wearing a two piece bikini at the pool. But its a little weird for someone to wear something you would wear to the club while cleaning a house. I'm not talking about her wearing yoga pants and sleeveless tops, I'm talking about leather pants and such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't. If you want people to respect you and your beliefs, then you need to respect yours, even if they're different. Respect is a two ways street and it's very hypocritical to expect her to respect you when you clearly don't respect her different beliefs about modesty.

Adding to that--she's working HARD and working up a sweat. Let the woman where whatever she needs to in order to avoid overheating. Do you exercise in turtlenecks and jeans?

You would be body shaming her and that is NEVER okay.

Signed--
Someone who grew up in a religiously conservative and modest/shaming household but got tired of other people micromanaging my body and left the religion and gained my independence. It was the most freeing moment of my life.

Wait, if the cleaning lady is coming into a uber religious home and is wearing tight, low cut things that's not respecting the OP. I'm all about body positivity but when I go to dinner at my very religious Muslim neighbor's house, or going to my Hasidic friend's gathering I'm not going to wear a short skirt or show cleavage. That's not body shaming... it's common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't. If you want people to respect you and your beliefs, then you need to respect yours, even if they're different. Respect is a two ways street and it's very hypocritical to expect her to respect you when you clearly don't respect her different beliefs about modesty.

Adding to that--she's working HARD and working up a sweat. Let the woman where whatever she needs to in order to avoid overheating. Do you exercise in turtlenecks and jeans?

You would be body shaming her and that is NEVER okay.

Signed--
Someone who grew up in a religiously conservative and modest/shaming household but got tired of other people micromanaging my body and left the religion and gained my independence. It was the most freeing moment of my life.

Wait, if the cleaning lady is coming into a uber religious home and is wearing tight, low cut things that's not respecting the OP. I'm all about body positivity but when I go to dinner at my very religious Muslim neighbor's house, or going to my Hasidic friend's gathering I'm not going to wear a short skirt or show cleavage. That's not body shaming... it's common sense.

She's a cleaning lady, she's not going to their house for a gathering, she's there to clean.

Trust that she doesn't want to be there any longer than she has to.

If you say something to her, you can guarantee that she won't be back... not sure if you're aware, but good cleaning ladies ate hard to find.

[Anonymous]

* are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't. If you want people to respect you and your beliefs, then you need to respect yours, even if they're different. Respect is a two ways street and it's very hypocritical to expect her to respect you when you clearly don't respect her different beliefs about modesty.

Adding to that--she's working HARD and working up a sweat. Let the woman where whatever she needs to in order to avoid overheating. Do you exercise in turtlenecks and jeans?

You would be body shaming her and that is NEVER okay.

Signed--
Someone who grew up in a religiously conservative and modest/shaming household but got tired of other people micromanaging my body and left the religion and gained my independence. It was the most freeing moment of my life.

Wait, if the cleaning lady is coming into a uber religious home and is wearing tight, low cut things that's not respecting the OP. I'm all about body positivity but when I go to dinner at my very religious Muslim neighbor's house, or going to my Hasidic friend's gathering I'm not going to wear a short skirt or show cleavage. That's not body shaming... it's common sense.

One is a guest in a house, one is hired help. What's next, the HVAC repairman needs to button the top button on his uniform shirt, because he's showing too much chest hair?

[Anonymous]

You can either accept her as she is, or fire her and hire someone else who will dress like a nun and possibly do as good a job or possibly not.

If YOU want to dress modestly, then YOU do that. You can NOT control other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really not trying to body shame. For example, I don't care if someone is wearing a two piece bikini at the pool. But its a little weird for someone to wear something you would wear to the club while cleaning a house. I'm not talking about her wearing yoga pants and sleeveless tops, I'm talking about leather pants and such.

Just tell her. Cite your religion. Be specific about your home rules: “long pants” “long sleeves” whatever.
If you can compromise, do that “we can turn up the A/C”, “we can be out of the house while you are here” etc.

This is very easy. Just talk to her.

[Anonymous]

This is an incredibly inappropriate ask. Even if you ask her and she changes her clothing, she will know the colour of your soul.

[Anonymous]

Maybe buy her an Amish outfit.

[Anonymous]

What are you worried will happen as a result of her clothing choices, OP? Will your husband rape her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an incredibly inappropriate ask. Even if you ask her and she changes her clothing, she will know the colour of your soul.

+1 Wildly inappropriate. How is her choice of clothing hurting you?