I wrote my mom a letter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote a letter to my mom about 19 things she did while I was growing up that hurt me. This includes covering up sexual abuse, being called a bitch regularly, and sharing details of my father's affairs when was around 10 years old. I put my heart on paper to let out all the pain I've been holding in. (I'm 39). She has been upset that I have requested a covid test before we see her.

This is the text response from her:

U r not a child any longer , u r an adult . The past is the Past , let it go. That's what your therapist should be helping u with . Every parent makes mistakes , but my life and your life goes on . We can have an adult mother - daughter relationship now , but u have to act like an adult . I'm not going to accept u bringing this stuff up any longer . If u want to see me , u come to me . I love u and I want to see my grandchildren and I would think u would want them to have a relationship with me , but that is your choice .

What would you do/say?

You're mom's right that you DO need to work with your therapist more.

Why are you even posting here? You're looking for validation of your position. Have you told your therapist what you're doing? Grow up and get yourself in a better place mentally. You owe it to your kids.

Validation of.... what exactly?

That she is a mess. I'm sorry but "19 things." Really? She claims she is 39 but that's one of the most immature things I ever heard. She needs to double-down on getting into her therapy and healing herself. It is scary that she has kids. Why is she even posting here on DCUM? She needs to be talking to her therapist, not getting enabling posts from other people who clearly are as off track as she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote a letter to my mom about 19 things she did while I was growing up that hurt me. This includes covering up sexual abuse, being called a bitch regularly, and sharing details of my father's affairs when was around 10 years old. I put my heart on paper to let out all the pain I've been holding in. (I'm 39). She has been upset that I have requested a covid test before we see her.

This is the text response from her:

U r not a child any longer , u r an adult . The past is the Past , let it go. That's what your therapist should be helping u with . Every parent makes mistakes , but my life and your life goes on . We can have an adult mother - daughter relationship now , but u have to act like an adult . I'm not going to accept u bringing this stuff up any longer . If u want to see me , u come to me . I love u and I want to see my grandchildren and I would think u would want them to have a relationship with me , but that is your choice .

What would you do/say?

You're mom's right that you DO need to work with your therapist more.

Why are you even posting here? You're looking for validation of your position. Have you told your therapist what you're doing? Grow up and get yourself in a better place mentally. You owe it to your kids.

Validation of.... what exactly?

That she is a mess. I'm sorry but "19 things." Really? She claims she is 39 but that's one of the most immature things I ever heard. She needs to double-down on getting into her therapy and healing herself. It is scary that she has kids. Why is she even posting here on DCUM? She needs to be talking to her therapist, not getting enabling posts from other people who clearly are as off track as she is.

I am sure you're perfect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote a letter to my mom about 19 things she did while I was growing up that hurt me. This includes covering up sexual abuse, being called a bitch regularly, and sharing details of my father's affairs when was around 10 years old. I put my heart on paper to let out all the pain I've been holding in. (I'm 39). She has been upset that I have requested a covid test before we see her.

This is the text response from her:

U r not a child any longer , u r an adult . The past is the Past , let it go. That's what your therapist should be helping u with . Every parent makes mistakes , but my life and your life goes on . We can have an adult mother - daughter relationship now , but u have to act like an adult . I'm not going to accept u bringing this stuff up any longer . If u want to see me , u come to me . I love u and I want to see my grandchildren and I would think u would want them to have a relationship with me , but that is your choice .

What would you do/say?

You're mom's right that you DO need to work with your therapist more.

Why are you even posting here? You're looking for validation of your position. Have you told your therapist what you're doing? Grow up and get yourself in a better place mentally. You owe it to your kids.

Validation of.... what exactly?

That she is a mess. I'm sorry but "19 things." Really? She claims she is 39 but that's one of the most immature things I ever heard. She needs to double-down on getting into her therapy and healing herself. It is scary that she has kids. Why is she even posting here on DCUM? She needs to be talking to her therapist, not getting enabling posts from other people who clearly are as off track as she is.

We all have problems. If you think you don't, you probably are 16 or unaware. That won't last forever, sweet child.

[Anonymous]

PP likely missed OP's follow-up post where she explains that her mother wanted to know specifics of what she had done. OP fulfilled the request by sending her list. Mom apparently didn't deny anything but refused to acknowledge her role and responsibility.

OP, I'm so sorry you've experienced this. You've gotten lots of great advice here. There is nothing more that I can offer that others haven't offered more eloquently than I ever could. I just wanted to offer a comment that might be odd. I found it striking that you mother responded to such a heartfelt, serious letter with something full of txting abbreviations. "U R" etc. That strange choice to use abbreviated speech for something so serious is a sign to me that she is incapable of getting to a level of reflection appropriate for the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP likely missed OP's follow-up post where she explains that her mother wanted to know specifics of what she had done. OP fulfilled the request by sending her list. Mom apparently didn't deny anything but refused to acknowledge her role and responsibility.

OP, I'm so sorry you've experienced this. You've gotten lots of great advice here. There is nothing more that I can offer that others haven't offered more eloquently than I ever could. I just wanted to offer a comment that might be odd. I found it striking that you mother responded to such a heartfelt, serious letter with something full of txting abbreviations. "U R" etc. That strange choice to use abbreviated speech for something so serious is a sign to me that she is incapable of getting to a level of reflection appropriate for the situation.

Your reply is exactly the point. OP is feeding the problem with her mom. In all her years of therapy she hasn't realized that? There is something seriously wrong with OP and her therapist!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote a letter to my mom about 19 things she did while I was growing up that hurt me. This includes covering up sexual abuse, being called a bitch regularly, and sharing details of my father's affairs when was around 10 years old. I put my heart on paper to let out all the pain I've been holding in. (I'm 39). She has been upset that I have requested a covid test before we see her.

This is the text response from her:

U r not a child any longer , u r an adult . The past is the Past , let it go. That's what your therapist should be helping u with . Every parent makes mistakes , but my life and your life goes on . We can have an adult mother - daughter relationship now , but u have to act like an adult . I'm not going to accept u bringing this stuff up any longer . If u want to see me , u come to me . I love u and I want to see my grandchildren and I would think u would want them to have a relationship with me , but that is your choice .

What would you do/say?

You're mom's right that you DO need to work with your therapist more.

Why are you even posting here? You're looking for validation of your position. Have you told your therapist what you're doing? Grow up and get yourself in a better place mentally. You owe it to your kids.

Validation of.... what exactly?

That she is a mess. I'm sorry but "19 things." Really? She claims she is 39 but that's one of the most immature things I ever heard. She needs to double-down on getting into her therapy and healing herself. It is scary that she has kids. Why is she even posting here on DCUM? She needs to be talking to her therapist, not getting enabling posts from other people who clearly are as off track as she is.

We all have problems. If you think you don't, you probably are 16 or unaware. That won't last forever, sweet child.

Sigh. OP isn't saying her own 19 problems, she apparently is naming her mother's 19 problems. OP is completely focused on the wrong person here. People like you are enabling her and validating her. It is wrong. OP needs to focus on fixing herself, not her mom. OP needs to stop with the grievances with her mom. OP says she is 39 years old. It is time she began to act like it. Half of her life is gone and she is still holding a grudge? That's a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wrote a letter to my mom about 19 things she did while I was growing up that hurt me. This includes covering up sexual abuse, being called a bitch regularly, and sharing details of my father's affairs when was around 10 years old. I put my heart on paper to let out all the pain I've been holding in. (I'm 39). She has been upset that I have requested a covid test before we see her.

This is the text response from her:

U r not a child any longer , u r an adult . The past is the Past , let it go. That's what your therapist should be helping u with . Every parent makes mistakes , but my life and your life goes on . We can have an adult mother - daughter relationship now , but u have to act like an adult . I'm not going to accept u bringing this stuff up any longer . If u want to see me , u come to me . I love u and I want to see my grandchildren and I would think u would want them to have a relationship with me , but that is your choice .

What would you do/say?

You're mom's right that you DO need to work with your therapist more.

Why are you even posting here? You're looking for validation of your position. Have you told your therapist what you're doing? Grow up and get yourself in a better place mentally. You owe it to your kids.

Validation of.... what exactly?

That she is a mess. I'm sorry but "19 things." Really? She claims she is 39 but that's one of the most immature things I ever heard. She needs to double-down on getting into her therapy and healing herself. It is scary that she has kids. Why is she even posting here on DCUM? She needs to be talking to her therapist, not getting enabling posts from other people who clearly are as off track as she is.

We all have problems. If you think you don't, you probably are 16 or unaware. That won't last forever, sweet child.

Sigh. OP isn't saying her own 19 problems, she apparently is naming her mother's 19 problems. OP is completely focused on the wrong person here. People like you are enabling her and validating her. It is wrong. OP needs to focus on fixing herself, not her mom. OP needs to stop with the grievances with her mom. OP says she is 39 years old. It is time she began to act like it. Half of her life is gone and she is still holding a grudge? That's a problem.

You think about things a lot differently when you're older. Many things that seemed normal when you were 16 (or however old you are...) might not seem so normal when you grow up.

[Anonymous]

An update from OP:

I had to block my mom and brother's phone numbers today. I filed for a divorce from my husband and told my mom. I asked her to keep it a secret (stupid me) and she told people who take pleasure (my brother and sister in law) in making me feel bad about it. I am officially 100% done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An update from OP:

I had to block my mom and brother's phone numbers today. I filed for a divorce from my husband and told my mom. I asked her to keep it a secret (stupid me) and she told people who take pleasure (my brother and sister in law) in making me feel bad about it. I am officially 100% done.

Hugs to you. Sounds like this has been a long time coming, but you kept hoping for better. Make this the end of that. Put yourself and kids first.

[Anonymous]

Everything OP wrote could also be viewed differently from the mother's perspective. OP could be a drama queen by nature---always finding fault with mom, significant others, etc. Mom's exasperated response sent with texting abbreviations reads to me like a woman who is done with being blamed by her adult daughter for everything that has gone wrong in her life.

Now that may not be the case at all either---but as with most postings on DCUM--it is impossible to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My mother texted and wants to get together. Avoid?

I’d say ignore. Even if 1/4 of the things you said are true (not that I don’t believe you) she doesn’t deserve a relationship with either you or your kids.