Would you be ok with your SO having dinners with ex hisband/wife and the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced 3 years ago and have dinner once a week with exDH and DD. Sometimes one of us cooks, sometimes we go out, but we make it a point to have a family meal. I do not invite my significant other as this is DDs time with her parents.

I would never date someone that doesn’t understand that while I’m divorced, this is my DDs family and her parents get along.

Yes, we’re also one of those families that still does holidays together.

+1000. It’s about the kids and their family. Those kids don’t want dad’s girlfriend interfering with their family time. It’s awkward and uncomfortable for them, and will make them feel like girlfriend is the priority.

I think often when childless people date parents, they think it’ll be one big, happy insta-family. The reality is the exact opposite - the kids want nothing to do with you, they’re always going to come first, and there will be tension and conflict. If you can’t handle it, don’t date people with kids.

+1. Kids of divorce have a hard enough time. Just let them have their family time with both parents, without the interference of significant others.

I think it's really hard to date divorced parents. The only way I've seen it work is when both people have kids from a previous marriage, or once where the bio dad isn't in the picture so the new husband becomes the primary dad. When I was single, I didn't date divorced dads because it was too much to take on. Now I'm married with kids. If I'm ever single again, I would never date a guy without kids. Kids vs no kids is just too stark of a difference in life phases for me. (but kudos to anyone who makes it work.)

[Anonymous]

My friend is coming up on one year divorced. She still has dinner with her kids and her ex one night a week. Recently it was her ex’s bday. My friend is good at baking. She told him that she could make a cake for the family to eat, or he could do his own thing (with or without the kids) but that she wasn’t going to make a cake and drop it off and she didn’t want to host the gf at her house. I’m surprised my friend offered to make a cake at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

You need to have a serious talk with him about what his future plans are with you - marriage, kids or are you just for entertainment and a back up plan. Yes, his kids should be equal and deserve alone time with their Dad but if there is a future, you need to be treated as a partner after a year and not a one night stand.

She should have had that talk months ago. That's nonsense he's still pretending to be married, wants his cake....

OP have that serious talk, you'll know where you stand. Maybe you have put it off because you know you're not his priority. Not even 2nd place. I'd certainly make it clear if he wants to have a serious relationship the dinner with the ex will need to stop. If he can't understand that simple concept it's time to get back into the dating pool.