Would you be ok with your SO having dinners with ex hisband/wife and the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes they share custody. He normally has them every weekend, and sometimes 1 day a week. They alternate holidays.

If he has them every weekend when do you all go out on a Saturday night or on a date?

If kids are close to 18 years old it is odd that you have not met them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

How does your boyfriend feel about you not coming to family events? After an entire year of not meeting them (and they are between 14 - 18), this would raise a red flag
with me.

Does your boyfriend understand that this is upsetting to you?

[Anonymous]

Has the wife remarried?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 100% everyone’s priority as they should be. Not mom or dad’s boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sorry. I wouldn’t want my kids meeting different hookups throughout their childhood.

You have about 4-5 years until they are off to college. Let’s send them off without f@cking their minds prior. Divorce does enough damage.

They’ve been dating for a year. That’s not a “hookup”.

They could break up any day. I would not introduce my 14-year old to boyfriend/girlfriend. They do not need to see their parent dating other people. Divorce was enough. Unless an engagement is made, nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 100% everyone’s priority as they should be. Not mom or dad’s boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sorry. I wouldn’t want my kids meeting different hookups throughout their childhood.

You have about 4-5 years until they are off to college. Let’s send them off without f@cking their minds prior. Divorce does enough damage.

They’ve been dating for a year. That’s not a “hookup”.

They could break up any day. I would not introduce my 14-year old to boyfriend/girlfriend. They do not need to see their parent dating other people. Divorce was enough. Unless an engagement is made, nope.

The boyfriend that you vetted for 2 years, planned a marriage, and then married could break up any day. A girlfriend of a year is not a hookup , and you no that, take of your bitter ex wife hat. If he's serious about this person his kids should meet I'd want to see how they especially the SO interacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced, and I won’t introduce any partners to my kids until we’ve been dating 2 years and have a wedding date set. It’s nothing personal, I don’t want people in and out of my kids’ lives.

I do think family dinners 1-2x a month are ideal. I would do it, but my ex likes to pick fights.

When someone has kids, the kids will always come first. Always. It’s difficult to find a partner who understands that (I dated a guy recently who suggested I give up custody and only see my kids in the summer so I could move for his career. Uh.....)

Think very carefully if this is something you want to get into. You’ll always be second in his life and his kids will probably want nothing to do with you. If you can’t accept that, move on.

I think that’s too far the other way. Introducing your kids to a guy after you’ve got a wedding planned is nearly as bad as introducing him too early. There’s a middle ground and that plan misses it.

It works for me. I’m not going to have guys disappearing out of my kids’ lives. If they want to be integrated into the family, they can propose.

To clarify, I don’t mean springing it on kids a month before the wedding. But I need the commitment of a set date. That’ll give us a few months or a year for everyone to meet and see if it’ll work out.

[Anonymous]

I divorced 3 years ago and have dinner once a week with exDH and DD. Sometimes one of us cooks, sometimes we go out, but we make it a point to have a family meal. I do not invite my significant other as this is DDs time with her parents.

I would never date someone that doesn’t understand that while I’m divorced, this is my DDs family and her parents get along.

Yes, we’re also one of those families that still does holidays together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

Ex doesn’t run the narrative one his love life if he doesn’t let her. I would seriously push back that if these are to continue besides big events you are to be invited. One by one. Giving him some time. Until he realizes it. And if not deal breaker. It’s not getting better if he can’t stNd up to her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

Ex doesn’t run the narrative one his love life if he doesn’t let her. I would seriously push back that if these are to continue besides big events you are to be invited. One by one. Giving him some time. Until he realizes it. And if not deal breaker. It’s not getting better if he can’t stNd up to her now.

Out new spouse.
I’m now married with kids with a similar situation in the past. Nipped that real quick. Post divorce maybe, but it’s been a year. They aren’t a family anymore sorry to break it to her. Kids always come first but that’s doesn’t mean dinners with Cordial and friendly yes. Give him time to understand and talk it out but it’s a dealbreaker if he cows to her over your feelings. He will never be able to have a real relationship with one foot in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced 3 years ago and have dinner once a week with exDH and DD. Sometimes one of us cooks, sometimes we go out, but we make it a point to have a family meal. I do not invite my significant other as this is DDs time with her parents.

I would never date someone that doesn’t understand that while I’m divorced, this is my DDs family and her parents get along.

Yes, we’re also one of those families that still does holidays together.

+1000. It’s about the kids and their family. Those kids don’t want dad’s girlfriend interfering with their family time. It’s awkward and uncomfortable for them, and will make them feel like girlfriend is the priority.

I think often when childless people date parents, they think it’ll be one big, happy insta-family. The reality is the exact opposite - the kids want nothing to do with you, they’re always going to come first, and there will be tension and conflict. If you can’t handle it, don’t date people with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced 3 years ago and have dinner once a week with exDH and DD. Sometimes one of us cooks, sometimes we go out, but we make it a point to have a family meal. I do not invite my significant other as this is DDs time with her parents.

I would never date someone that doesn’t understand that while I’m divorced, this is my DDs family and her parents get along.

Yes, we’re also one of those families that still does holidays together.

+1 and healthiest for the kid(s). Anyone dating the dad has to understand that. When it is time, ti will be time. But not getting in the middle of that is the right thing to do. The kids have enough to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 100% everyone’s priority as they should be. Not mom or dad’s boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sorry. I wouldn’t want my kids meeting different hookups throughout their childhood.

You have about 4-5 years until they are off to college. Let’s send them off without f@cking their minds prior. Divorce does enough damage.

They’ve been dating for a year. That’s not a “hookup”.

They could break up any day. I would not introduce my 14-year old to boyfriend/girlfriend. They do not need to see their parent dating other people. Divorce was enough. Unless an engagement is made, nope.

100% agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced 3 years ago and have dinner once a week with exDH and DD. Sometimes one of us cooks, sometimes we go out, but we make it a point to have a family meal. I do not invite my significant other as this is DDs time with her parents.

I would never date someone that doesn’t understand that while I’m divorced, this is my DDs family and her parents get along.

Yes, we’re also one of those families that still does holidays together.

+1 and healthiest for the kid(s). Anyone dating the dad has to understand that. When it is time, ti will be time. But not getting in the middle of that is the right thing to do. The kids have enough to deal with.

Your DD is going to be in for a world of hurt when you and DH do get an SO. Ther'es getting along for the kids, and there's creating a lie, and this has nothing to do with putting the kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

Ex doesn’t run the narrative one his love life if he doesn’t let her. I would seriously push back that if these are to continue besides big events you are to be invited. One by one. Giving him some time. Until he realizes it. And if not deal breaker. It’s not getting better if he can’t stNd up to her now.

Out new spouse.
I’m now married with kids with a similar situation in the past. Nipped that real quick. Post divorce maybe, but it’s been a year. They aren’t a family anymore sorry to break it to her. Kids always come first but that’s doesn’t mean dinners with Cordial and friendly yes. Give him time to understand and talk it out but it’s a dealbreaker if he cows to her over your feelings. He will never be able to have a real relationship with one foot in the past.

And here I though wicked stepmothers were only in fairy tales....