Would you be ok with your SO having dinners with ex hisband/wife and the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

He’s going along with this, I feel that’s not fair to you. Have you talked to him about this? Also agree that if this bothers you, you are not the right person to handle blended issues. Move on if it’s baggage you don’t want.

[Anonymous]

Have you posted about this relationship before?

[Anonymous]

How old are the children? How often are these dinners? Does he share physical custody of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

How often does this dinner happen? I was confused by the title. Is it just the two exes and kids? Or is the exes SO invited?

I think it’s a bad sign you have not met the kids yet.

I am dating a divorced dad and I am relieved he doesn’t do this kind of thing. I think he did once, for his kids graduation, and the grandparents were there too. We’d only been dating five months so it didn’t bother me that I was not invited. Also I had only met the kids once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you posted about this relationship before?

No.

Kids are over 13, but under 18. Parents have been divorced 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

How often does this dinner happen? I was confused by the title. Is it just the two exes and kids? Or is the exes SO invited?

I think it’s a bad sign you have not met the kids yet.

I am dating a divorced dad and I am relieved he doesn’t do this kind of thing. I think he did once, for his kids graduation, and the grandparents were there too. We’d only been dating five months so it didn’t bother me that I was not invited. Also I had only met the kids once.

Just my boyfriend, his ex wife, and their kids. Pretty regular dinners, I'd say at least 1-2 times a month.

[Anonymous]

Yes they share custody. He normally has them every weekend, and sometimes 1 day a week. They alternate holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating over a year.

The appearance of nothing in their lives changing.

The kids know their parents have divorced, right?

You’ve posted twice and I’m already finding your passive-aggression tiresome.

I don't mean to have a tone. To be honest I'm not sure, if they know or not, I initially assumed that they did. I have not met the children yet. This is not a graduation or birthday dinner. This is something they have been doing, ex wife has made it clear that I will never need to attend dinners. Both don't want to upset kids. We had previously discussed me meeting his kids.

How often does this dinner happen? I was confused by the title. Is it just the two exes and kids? Or is the exes SO invited?

I think it’s a bad sign you have not met the kids yet.

I am dating a divorced dad and I am relieved he doesn’t do this kind of thing. I think he did once, for his kids graduation, and the grandparents were there too. We’d only been dating five months so it didn’t bother me that I was not invited. Also I had only met the kids once.

Just my boyfriend, his ex wife, and their kids. Pretty regular dinners, I'd say at least 1-2 times a month.

Honestly OP, it’s awkward, but sounds healthy and the most important people’s feelings in this equation are the childrens’. Not your lane. If they kids are teens 90% chance they don’t want to meet you. Nothing against you, that’s just how teens are...especially ones whose parents are split up.

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced, and I won’t introduce any partners to my kids until we’ve been dating 2 years and have a wedding date set. It’s nothing personal, I don’t want people in and out of my kids’ lives.

I do think family dinners 1-2x a month are ideal. I would do it, but my ex likes to pick fights.

When someone has kids, the kids will always come first. Always. It’s difficult to find a partner who understands that (I dated a guy recently who suggested I give up custody and only see my kids in the summer so I could move for his career. Uh.....)

Think very carefully if this is something you want to get into. You’ll always be second in his life and his kids will probably want nothing to do with you. If you can’t accept that, move on.

[Anonymous]

Do the kids know their father has a girlfriend? Generally speaking, the dinners by themselves wouldn’t bother me, but by the time you’ve been dating a year, I’d expect to have met them or be meeting them soon. Sounds like he has his life with his kids very seperate from his relationship with you. This far in, most would find that concerning.

[Anonymous]

Kids are 100% everyone’s priority as they should be. Not mom or dad’s boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sorry. I wouldn’t want my kids meeting different hookups throughout their childhood.

You have about 4-5 years until they are off to college. Let’s send them off without f@cking their minds prior. Divorce does enough damage.

[Anonymous]

I would not be in a relationship with this man. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorced, and I won’t introduce any partners to my kids until we’ve been dating 2 years and have a wedding date set. It’s nothing personal, I don’t want people in and out of my kids’ lives.

I do think family dinners 1-2x a month are ideal. I would do it, but my ex likes to pick fights.

When someone has kids, the kids will always come first. Always. It’s difficult to find a partner who understands that (I dated a guy recently who suggested I give up custody and only see my kids in the summer so I could move for his career. Uh.....)

Think very carefully if this is something you want to get into. You’ll always be second in his life and his kids will probably want nothing to do with you. If you can’t accept that, move on.

I think that’s too far the other way. Introducing your kids to a guy after you’ve got a wedding planned is nearly as bad as introducing him too early. There’s a middle ground and that plan misses it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 100% everyone’s priority as they should be. Not mom or dad’s boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sorry. I wouldn’t want my kids meeting different hookups throughout their childhood.

You have about 4-5 years until they are off to college. Let’s send them off without f@cking their minds prior. Divorce does enough damage.

They’ve been dating for a year. That’s not a “hookup”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be in a relationship with this man. You can do better.

He's not that into you. He does not want to rock the boat. Your relationship appears not to be going anywhere.

Honestly if kids are 14 - 18 years old I'm surprised you have not met them just random in passing for while they stopped by to pick up something from
their Dad's house or something.