I’m really sad about who my son is

[Anonymous]

I am a woman, but minus the anger - everything else sounds like me as soon as I headed off the college - unmotivated, ADHD, smoked pot all
Day, smoker. horribly unhealthy, quit everything. I was heading that direction when I was in HS too except I did work hard in school at that time but then burned out by the time I got to college and didn’t work hard again til grad school. . I was very depressed, but didn’t quite realize it. I wasn’t bad enough to flunk out of college but I rode a 2.something GPA the whole time. Eventually I just grew out of it and went on to have a successful career, grad school, family etc. I’m a normal 40 something and haven’t smoked pot in well over a decade and barely drink. I don’t have any specific advice but I just have a feeling that with a caring involved mother, he will get through this and be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP do you mind sharing your son’s therapist’s name?

The DBT Center of Greater Washington which I found out about on this site.

OP yes with DBT there has to be buy in and after two hospitalizations my DC was ready to focus on getting better.

Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You said he tells you why he smokes pot, what did he say?

Helps with physical pain, quiets his mind, helps with nightmares from a trauma he endured. It’s “fun”. Kid has had a lot. I worry about it because it’s grown in frequency I’m trying to figure out if I can really make peace with it and get him into a practitioner that is skilled in this area and have him get medical grade and help with strains etc. I’m fairly open minded but this also flies in the face of the evidence of brain impact particularly for lagging frontal lobe maturation in young men.

What’s causing his physical pain?

Yes and there is trauma?

He was in a terrible accident.

It’s interesting that you didn’t find that worthy of a mention in your laundry list of his perceived failures. That really explains a lot of the things. Someone in pain doesn’t want to play sports, might feel angry, unmotivated. Are you minimizing his traumas?

[Anonymous]

Would he be willing to try an anti depressant and or a new therapist? What about PT for the lingering pain from injuries? I know his acting out must be really hard on you. I hope he's willing to try something that might help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he be willing to try an anti depressant and or a new therapist? What about PT for the lingering pain from injuries? I know his acting out must be really hard on you. I hope he's willing to try something that might help.

Reiki/equine assisted PP here.

To the point of PT - I had trigger point PT for some lower back stuff that was unimaginably successful. As in, I had incapacitating lower back pain and my PT was working on places in my groin. Normal, everyday physical therapy practice - so no over the top woo-woo there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said he tells you why he smokes pot, what did he say?

Helps with physical pain, quiets his mind, helps with nightmares from a trauma he endured. It’s “fun”. Kid has had a lot. I worry about it because it’s grown in frequency I’m trying to figure out if I can really make peace with it and get him into a practitioner that is skilled in this area and have him get medical grade and help with strains etc. I’m fairly open minded but this also flies in the face of the evidence of brain impact particularly for lagging frontal lobe maturation in young men.

What’s causing his physical pain?

Yes and there is trauma?

He was in a terrible accident.

It’s interesting that you didn’t find that worthy of a mention in your laundry list of his perceived failures. That really explains a lot of the things. Someone in pain doesn’t want to play sports, might feel angry, unmotivated. Are you minimizing his traumas?

I’m not sure why I didn’t. I don’t think I’m minimizing his trauma as I am experiencing it too. Yes, the pain and dashed athletic dreams are a reality that has definitely been tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said he tells you why he smokes pot, what did he say?

Helps with physical pain, quiets his mind, helps with nightmares from a trauma he endured. It’s “fun”. Kid has had a lot. I worry about it because it’s grown in frequency I’m trying to figure out if I can really make peace with it and get him into a practitioner that is skilled in this area and have him get medical grade and help with strains etc. I’m fairly open minded but this also flies in the face of the evidence of brain impact particularly for lagging frontal lobe maturation in young men.

What’s causing his physical pain?

Yes and there is trauma?

He was in a terrible accident.

It’s interesting that you didn’t find that worthy of a mention in your laundry list of his perceived failures. That really explains a lot of the things. Someone in pain doesn’t want to play sports, might feel angry, unmotivated. Are you minimizing his traumas?

I’m not sure why I didn’t. I don’t think I’m minimizing his trauma as I am experiencing it too. Yes, the pain and dashed athletic dreams are a reality that has definitely been tough.

Has he done EMDR? Also DBT?

I find talk therapy less than ideal for trauma.

Also, I did not face this with my child but a friend of mine did... she finally helped her find a doctor who could prescribe pot to ensure her daughter was getting safe pot from a safe source.

[Anonymous]

Make sure he doesn’t move to opioids. Seriously. This kid need love, therapy, and medical marijuana. Hi

[Anonymous]

I would think to yourself why you typed "Im really sad about who my son is" instead of "I'm really sad that my son has been through an accident and now"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:getting him physically active is key. Is he even remotely interested in working out? If so, hire him a trainer.

I just read he has pain from an old accident/surgery. Did he go through whatever physical therapy was prescribed? It hurts, but if you stick with it, you do get better, and lose the pain. Can he be reassessed for that? Bribe him to go. Bribery works well with my son with ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think to yourself why you typed "Im really sad about who my son is" instead of "I'm really sad that my son has been through an accident and now"

It’s a fair point. Some of this stuff pre dates the accident. However, point taken. I’m frustrated with his choices right now, it’s exhausting being him I’m sure and it’s some times exhausting to parent him. I realize that’s what we sign up for. I hear the posters who point out may be more understanding and empathy is needed. I feel like that’s been my approach by in large but, if I’m honest, I’m just really scared for him and I don’t know what more I can do to help him. Thank you for the many ideas that were offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:getting him physically active is key. Is he even remotely interested in working out? If so, hire him a trainer.

I just read he has pain from an old accident/surgery. Did he go through whatever physical therapy was prescribed? It hurts, but if you stick with it, you do get better, and lose the pain. Can he be reassessed for that? Bribe him to go. Bribery works well with my son with ADHD.

Yes he did. He “graduated” from PT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure he doesn’t move to opioids. Seriously. This kid need love, therapy, and medical marijuana. Hi

Yes. Unconditional love for who he is- not who he was/who you wanted him to be.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP is a troll. The random facts being added later...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to talk to the military recruiters. Army. Navy. Air Force. Marines.

Yes, this is really who we want in our military? HAve you learned nothing about the role of the military/police in #BLM.

Better get him therapy, volunteer work if wants to stay in your home with youth groups or disadvantaged populations, love him unconditionally but set firm boundaries for behavior.