I’m really sad about who my son is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I strongly suggest taking him to a new psychiatrist to re-evaluate his medications.
I'd not focus on the pot - I don't smoke personally, but this doesn't seem like the primary problem, and he may reduce it on his own when his medications are right.

I use marijuana regularly to sleep. However there is a huge body of evidence that marijuana is very detrimental to the developing brain. I'm for legalization and have zero concerns about someone using after the age of 25, but before 25 can trigger major mental health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even know where to start. As parents, we were loving, involved, provided opportunities for an excellent education, sports, music, tutors etc. We are kind, well informed, healthy, parents. Pursued therapy and medication as appropriate. My daughter turned out great.

My son is now 17 and

Smokes marijuana regularly (those who haven’t dealt with this please don’t go into where do they get it, the money etc. they find a way)
Does bare minimum at school
Has a crappy attitude
Quit all his sports
Has a terrible temper (think holes in walls)
Doesn’t exercise
Vapes/smokes
Eats horribly
Isn’t very motivated
Is immature
Risk taker
Adhd - takes medicine during school day
Some learning disabilities, not major


I am at a loss and trying not to give up on him, but it’s been years of trying to get him good help, support, trying to enforce boundaries and the list goes on. I’m just tired and incredibly sad about this.

Military school? Not joking.

Every kid that I know went to military school did much worse thing there, they just got better at hiding it.

[Anonymous]

I was your teen (although I’m female). I was massively depressed. Please get him into therapy/counseling if he isn’t already. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Look into Outward Bound, they offer programs for young adults such as your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to talk to the military recruiters. Army. Navy. Air Force. Marines.

Stop with this ridiculous advice! Our military is not the dumping ground for unmotivated kids! Have you no respect for our servicemen and women?

Plus cutbacks have made it far harder to even qualify.

[Anonymous]

To the OP. I have four sons, two daughters. One son and daughter are minors.
My advice: Call your son to accountability. All of my children, at the age of 17, must be able to conduct themselves properly as adults would. It is how I was raised, back in the Appalachian Mountains of southwest Virginia/ northeast Tennessee. Tough love. Make them accountable. I can say that I am proud of my six kids. Even my 14 yr old son makes himself accountable. Use the principles of Ghost Rider. What I did with my boys. Make them look you in the eyes. Straight up, no bs. And always keep a sense of humor when dealing with boys. Very important.
Good Luck, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a kid who benefitted tremendously from this program. He came back a different person:

https://trailscarolina.com/b/summer-camps-for-troubled-teens/north-carolina/

I just saw an interview with Drew Barrymore, it sounded like she did some sort of program as a teen that changed her life.
She said it was very strict , exactly what she needed at the time.

[Anonymous]

Help him find a focus. Is there something he likes to do that he can take to the next level? A good counselor will help him identify things that bring him joy. Good luck OP this is not an easy task and I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try not to make it obvious to him that you think he has problems. "His sister 'turned out fine'" may be the source of your son's unhappiness, which is an issue I don't think military school can solve. Fix his problem with love and affection, but don't spoil him. Check up on your daughter. Chances are she's unhappy under that superficial happy face. Remember that every kid is different even if raised in the same household, and drug addiction may be your son's destiny. Think of Hunter S Thompson. Drug addict, sure, but also a marvelous author, poet, and the founder of Gonzo journalism. Overall, I send hugs and prayers your way. Try and get him to find the things he's interested in and has a passion for. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

How about a gap year with NOLs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about a gap year with NOLs?

what? NOLS is NOT for unmotivated kids. Holy cow. My DD has done two courses with them. They are like survival school, and on her last trip, one kid broke his hand on purpose to get the h*ll out of there. He was probably a kid who was sent there to "shape up." That's not the demographic to do this.

My kid thrives on it but she is extremely motivated in that way, and also an extreme athlete. She is also considering the military. My other kid, who is a normal athlete, would probably die if she had to go. Don't push kids into NOLS trips! They've got to want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him to talk to the military recruiters. Army. Navy. Air Force. Marines.

Don't you think the military needs the best? This kid is crying out for help. Not blaming you op but, maybe there is mental illness and that is why he is self medicating Can you try family therapy to get at the root

Sending hugs to op and her family.

[Anonymous]

My kid thrives on it but she is extremely motivated in that way, and also an extreme athlete. She is also considering the military. My other kid, who is a normal athlete, would probably die if she had to go. Don't push kids into NOLS trips! They've got to want it.

NOLs poster here. My ADHD kid has done NOLs twice (ages 14 and 15 and one "alumni" trip with his Dad) I'd never EVER describe him as "motivated" He is skinny, small (barely larger than his pack) absolutely NOT an extreme athlete. Hardly an "athlete" at all. It was very transformative for him. He loves NOLs and wants to do it every summer. He got a decent report card from his trips (mostly) some of his shortcomings were highlighted (not a surprise, really). Its a SCHOOL, for learning. I didn't suggest "pushing" anything. There is room at NOLs for people not exactly like your child. If the program isn't right for OPs child, NOLs will let them know. Just calm down.