Please let me shamelessly brag here: I am so happy I only have 1 child!

[Anonymous]

I guess it just depends on what your HHI is.

We have 3 kids and can easily pay for private school, private lessons and other extracurriculars, cool summer camps, international travel, annual ski trips, college, etc. etc.

It’s not really a brag that you can only afford that stuff for one child.

[Anonymous]

I was happy I only had 1 too. I had her young and struggled financially as a single mom. 15 years later I am having #2 but not feeling the financial burden since I’m in a better position financially and it’s a 2-parent household this time around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it just depends on what your HHI is.

We have 3 kids and can easily pay for private school, private lessons and other extracurriculars, cool summer camps, international travel, annual ski trips, college, etc. etc.

It’s not really a brag that you can only afford that stuff for one child.

Is it hard, being the cliche of a rich jerk? It seems it would be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it just depends on what your HHI is.

We have 3 kids and can easily pay for private school, private lessons and other extracurriculars, cool summer camps, international travel, annual ski trips, college, etc. etc.

It’s not really a brag that you can only afford that stuff for one child.

Yep, we do all this stuff—but we can only afford with one child. Occasionally feel wistful now that kid is in elementary and has asked for a sibling a couple of times recently, but given our work schedules, no family around and marital strain with one, it’s for the best that we stopped at one. Also, I have two sibs, and one (not me) doesn’t even talk to the other two—having siblings isn’t a guarantee of closeness and happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh...my kids all don't like "only" children. Say they can tell right off who is and they are entitled, think the world revolves around them, and are unable to share. So good luck

I have had the exact opposite experience. The only children I know have all had beautiful manners.

I think it really varies. My DD has 3 best friends and I have to say that they are all different. One is an only child and seems to be the bossiest and sometimes meanest one. Another is a second child and she is the most trasgressive one and the leader perhaps. The other is like my DD the oldest child but has siblings and is sweet and more of a follower and peace keeper like my DD.
I also know boys that are onlies and they seem really really nice and they do have much better manners than my kids, but I don’t know them as well as I know my DD’s best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger child is honestly so much easier and more joyful than my older child and actually makes my older child better too- I watch them talk about friendships and problems together and give each other advice. Only dealing with The one older child would be such a slog.

My two kids have very different personalities but they are extremely compatible and, quite frankly, have been a joy to raise. They each have different talents, their own sense of humor, their own friend groups, their own interests but they play off of each other really well. I think they will both do fine in life as individuals and we, as parents, are making sure that they each have what they need to be successful. I also really hope that they continue to be close in adulthood because they truly are great together. We have encouraged them to be close to one another so I'm not seeing much in the way of sibling rivalry.

Dh and I are often complimented on what a great job we've done with them. I think we can take some credit but I think we also lucked out big time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DITTO.

Grew up in a family with 4 kids. Never felt like I had much 1:1 time with either of my parents. As adults, my siblings aren't even close.

LOVE that my kid won't miss out on a close relationship with me & my husband.

Also, more kids = more stress. We are living the good life in our house. Everything is so easy!

Sounds like you had a generally shitty upbringing with generally shitty and unfeeling people including yourself, all having little to do with the size of your family. That your siblings aren't close as adults speaks volumes.

eh, the reality is that it's hard to make one on one time with each of your kids when you have 4 kids. That doesn't make you a crappy parent, it's just the reality of your life.

Trying to volunteer in 4 different classrooms, go on 4 different field trips every year, plan 4 equal birthday parties, have kids in 4 different activities....is a lot harder than it is with smaller families. I grew up in a family with 4 kids and I rarely got one on one time with my parents. They were both working hard at their jobs, coming home and taking care of chores around the house. As kids, we were expected to pitch in and help out with the yard work, housework, cooking and laundry. The older kids often babysat the younger kids. We pitched in, helped out as needed - not a bad trait to have.

We were loved and cared for but no way did we get the individual attention from our parents that kids from smaller families get. We didn't have the opportunity for travel/extra curriculars, we didn't wear trendy clothes, we didn't go out to eat very often, new toys were birthday/Christmas ONLY. We did learn how to share, work as a team and do a lot with a little.

I am now the parent of 2 kids and it has been way easier for dh and I to give our kids individual attention. If I had to divide my time up between 4 kids, they would get less individual attention and they would each get less of the family's resources. Bigger families do get that interplay of sibling relationships and I think they tend to grow up very grounded.

There's such a thing as too much of a good thing too though. I'm an only and had a big family in part because of the smothering microscope I grew up under. Without siblings to compare me to and relieve some of the attention, every single mistake, eye roll, and imperfect grade was examined and discussed. I was a really good kid drowning under sky-high expectations without any breathing room at all to have fun and just be a kid.

I was also really really scared of being left alone on this earth someday so I was terrified I'd never find someone to marry which led to some bad decisions about relationships before I met DH. Thank you, therapist, for helping me figure that one out.

I also don't know what I would have done without my dad's brother when my dad passed away. So I'm thankful he had a sibling to take on some of that when it would have fallen entirely to me at age 25, since my mom was a hot mess and incoherent for weeks. I think she was also scared of being alone since I lived across the country. She recently moved in with us because she was by herself with no other family and wasn't handling it well. So I'm still managing all of the emotional and physical work of being my mom's only child without anyone else to take her attention.

I definitely agree with the OP that having 1 child is easier on the parent and cheaper. Every person makes decisions based on their own preferences and experiences though, so there are no wrong answers.

[Anonymous]

I used to feel just like you OP. Then, I had one more. I'm so glad I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds great. If you told me that I wouldn’t be insulted. It may be cheaper and easier, but more kids is richer and your friends are thinking that. But at the end of the day that’s great, you’re happy. They are happy too.

That is YOUR opinion. Do you understand that your feelings on the subject are no more valid than anyone else's? So your "statement" is only your opinion, despite the way you state it as a fact. And I have multiple children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two wonderful children. My happiness increases a hundred-fold when I see how much they love each other. Thankfully, we do not have money issues.

This is how I feel. The joy I see when my kids interact with each other is unmatched. It's also been incredibly humbling having two. You realize how much of your kid is just how they were born as opposed to your actual parenting. I've loved learning that lesson and I wouldn't have gotten that with one.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's really a "brag" to say that it's cheaper and less work to have one kid than two. It's kind of basic math. The vast majority of people who deliberately had additional kids were well aware that additional cost and effort would be required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you posted this. I do tend to feel bad for parents with only one child. I felt like there were either fertility issues or money issues or marriage issues. I don’t say anything of course, but I did feel kind of sorry for them.

I should think about it from this perspective instead.

Np: as a parent of an only, your perspective is interesting to me (no snark) - it didn’t occur to me that people may think our choice to have only one child was because of one of the issues you mentioned (or others). Finances were a factor in our decision because of what we want to provide to our child, but we could “afford” to have more.

People like the first PP are just insecure (although they'll say they aren't - they doth protest too much), so it makes them feel better about themselves to pity other people. It says a lot about them, actually.

[Anonymous]

Agree with OP. I LOVE having just one child. Life is sane! Everyone around me with multiple kids seems miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh...my kids all don't like "only" children. Say they can tell right off who is and they are entitled, think the world revolves around them, and are unable to share. So good luck

Your kids sound like jerks. So good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with OP. I LOVE having just one child. Life is sane! Everyone around me with multiple kids seems miserable.

You need a better crowd of friends. We have five. Life is busy, but wonderful!